I AM BACK. A while ago I wrote of how I was feeling let’s just say down. Well 5 or 6 weeks ago I spoke to my doctor about it and he prescribed an antidepressant.Now it didn’t kick in immediately but wow am I ever feeling better. Hey I am already taking 15 or 16 pills a day so what is one more especially when it has such a dramatic affect on how I am feeling. I have been struggling with a life issue that surprisingly is not even related to my health. There is obviously a life lesson here for me to learn and now I can see that a little more clearly. It is all about establishing healthy boundaries.
Speaking of boundaries reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend a short while ago. OK, I had my wonkie head going on at the time and I am memory guy but the conversation went something like this:
Don: “Don’t you have any boundaries or limitations on what you write on your blog?”
Don: You share everything on your blog even the most intimate and personal detail. You share all the personal details about your health, your mortality, your beliefs everything. You even wrote about your erectile dysfunction, now what guy is going to admit that. What guy is going to even admit that never mind tell the world. Now your writing about your depression.
Now I can’t actually remember his exact wording but it was to that effect. I am sort of chuckling as I sit here as some where through the conversation he commented “even this conversation will likely be on the blog.” Gee, I guess you were right Don.
I don’t have my wonkie head today so I can answer his questions a little better
Why do I write about death and dying. Well obviously I can’t yet relate to the actual dying process but from what I am going through on this last leg of my earthly journey. This is something that unless you actually experience it, no matter how hard you try to can’t relate. I don’t want to minimize the love and support provided by those around us, that is so values and appreciated. It is just this leg of our journey is a lonely one. It is sort of like that saying, you can feel your loneliest when you are in a room full of other people. If you know you are dying that feeling of loneliness can be crushing.
I had and still hope to provide shall we say a venue for all to join in to receive the loving non-judgemental support we all need at this time. Yes, when I did start this I had the goal in mind of helping others and I am humbled by the fact that my simple words have been able to do that. I started with the “noble” idea of helping others. This whole process has been such a win/win situation as I have gained so much, received so much loving support, grown so much as a person. I guess it is true, “give and your shall receive”
As for the erectile dysfunction. OK, that one is a little embarrassing and what can I say. It is a “secret” that many men carry. I don’t think we like to talk about it as it reflects on our own macho esteem, feeling less of a man. Maybe if we bring it out more into the open and talk about it we can help easy that self imposed stigma. Geesh, I just read that last couple of sentences and am feeling embarrassed by it.
It is like that with the depression or I suppose any mental illness, we don’t want to talk about it as it relates to ourselves.
Or, maybe I yak about all this as I just like to talk. My mother usesd to joke that the way I like to talk, she is sure when I was vacinated it must have been with a gramaphone needle