I came to a realization today. I have become part of this world or ours that expects instant gratification. I want what I want, and I want it now. Yesterday, I was in the hospital and they gave me a prescription for a couple of medications to help me feel better. I am almost embarrassed to admit but this morning I was a little disappointed when I woke up. I took the first of the new medications last night and I really don’t feel any different this morning, whats up with that?lol
That is when it really came to me. I am not sure how well I am wording this. I have an antibiotic that I am to take twice daily for 10 days. Realistically, how could I expect to feel better after only one pill? But still I had that momentary feeling of disappointment.
When I think of it now, I realize that moment of disappointment was a very good thing for me to have experienced. In a way it opened my eyes to a little different thought process or gave me a bit of a realization. I have said many times “things happen in God’s time, not my time” and I thought I had accepted that and was living by that. Now, obviously I am going beyond how long it takes for a medication to take affect.
I think back to a couple of examples: the passing of my parents, a what was for me a very painful marital break up. I was in pain, grieving and praying for relief from the pain. I felt that same sense of disappointment every morning when I awoke and really felt no better. At the time it even seemed for a while like God either wasn’t listening or just not answering my prayers. I was looking for instant gratification or relief and was not receiving it. “Things happen in God’s time, not my time”. Ultimately, did I receive the relief I was praying for? Yes, I did just not according to my time table. At the time was I disappointed my time table had not been adhered to? Yes, I was. Now I can look back and see that it was during these periods, that were not allowed for in my time table, that I experienced great spiritual and emotional growth. Growth that in fact I would never have experienced, if in fact my time table for events would have been followed.
I am very patient with other people, sometimes I have been told even to a fault. So how can I allow myself to become impatient with God and His time table for my life. When I say it, it doesn’t even make sense to me, but some how I still do it.
As, I was sitting here writing, Vi just came to me needing to talk. She is truly the most wonderful, caring, loving lady you could meet. She is deeply concerned about this newest development with the amount of water on my lungs. Is it the next step in the worsening of my condition? I don’t think so, I think with my breathing difficulties it has likely been there for a while. It is detected with a xray and while I have quite a few of them, possibly just not at the “right”time.
If anyone has any extra prayer time, if you could mention Vi and my family, I will appreciate it very much. If prayer could also please included Vi’s brother John. John is in hospital in Thompson after having suffered a major stroke. One entire side of his body is at this point paralyzed to the point he can barely swallow. John all our thoughts and prayers are with you