Dying Man’s Daily Journal

I don’t know how many time I have said we have to focus on the big picture of our lives and not let ourselves be overwhelmed by the circumstances of the moment. I know that, yet while dealing with the circumstances of the moment, the big picture suddenly doesn’t seem to really matter all that much.
I am tired that really worn out kind of tired other than that physically I a feeling OK, my norm. My moral has taken a dip, I am struggling to keep the spirits up. It just seems there is so much going on around me.
I seem to have conflicting emotions, it is really hard to put into words. For years now I have been dealing with with my heart issues. Countless doctors have talked about shortened life expectancy only a couple of them have actually uses the dying word. Family doc even has referred to me as his miracle patient, no matter what comes my way, some how I just keep going. This is something I am so very grateful for but am a loss to explain the how or why.
Back when I first heard the dying words, it was a struggle but I was able to come to terms with it. With that acceptance I suppose came the thought that among family and friends etc. I would likely be the next to go. Yet, somehow in that time period 4 others that I know of of the same age range have passed.
I ask for prayers please. My brother Robin faces and deals with an extremely serious heart condition. My cousin Joe, his mystery ailment has been identified as cancer and Lon time friend Don. Don had a brain tumour removed several years back. Now several tumours have returned

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

I am just laying here feeling very restless, agitated, worried. It really has become so very obvious to me that for me anyway it is much easier being the patient than it is to be the worried family member. 

This morning I took my brother too the same unit of the same hospital I was in just a couple of months ago. He was even there for same procedure. My procedure ended with them ultimately not being able to do anything. His procedure ended with them ultimately not being able to do anything.

 

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers Please

It is really nice having my brother Robin in town visiting for a few days. It is unfortunate that the circumstances of his visit are not what I would have hoped for. Robin is facing his own serious heart issues.

through various tests and what not the doctors have determined he requires open heart surgery to replace one of the valves in his heart. In the past he has had 2 heart attacks. This same testing done by the doctors has shown that the damage to the heart muscle is more extensive than previously thought. The valve that needs replacing is amid this damaged tissue.
The angiogram will allow the doctors to decide if the open heart surgery is a viable option

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Congratulation Lynelle

It is both a happy, excited and proud time in the family. Vi is so both so happy and proud she has left town for a few days to go and join in a family celebration. What is the celebration for?

Today are the graduation ceremonies as daughter Lynelle graduates from University. Congratulations Lynelle, I am/we all are very proud of you. Know if circumstances were different I would be there in person to celebrate and acknowledge your accomplishment.
A big pat on the back and thank you to Jason (lynelle’s hubby). Your continued support and encouragement well have made this possible.
Lynelle was not your typical university student. Now a gentleman would never reveal a ladies age, let’s just say Lynelle is “several” years older than that you would consider of the typical student, she went back to school after already having established a career.
Lynelle was a commercial pilot. As fate would have she met the dashing Jason and love was in the air. Wedding bells rang, two wonderful children later she gave up taking to the sky.
The sound of the school bell caught her ear. What started as a couple of evening correspondence courses turned to a full time course load all leading to today.
Lynelle, I am proud of you

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day.

You vacant be the luckiest and most blessed man in this world but it counts for nothing if you do not both realize it and appreciate it. I am a very luck man, a very blessed man, I know it and I do appreciate it. I have the two most amazing daughters in the world. Some may think I am exaggerating when I say that, but in my mind and heart it is true.
My daughters in turn have blessed me, gifted me with 3 little princesses, my grand daughters. Who could possibly imagine your heart could hold so much love, well I do. Each of my little princesses so very special in their own way. But, one example of what I see as grandpa heaven, spending a day, hugging,snuggling and kissing a 15 month old little princess. Granny Vi certainly got in there to get her share of those hugs and kisses. I think the best way to describe my princesses would be as “heart melters”.
I have come to realize I really do have so much to be grateful for. Blessing abound. I have mentioned many times that Vi and I were both married before, as I do, Vi has children from that previous relationship. That gives me 4 wonderful step children and 6 step grand kids. Some how that word “step” seems pretty meaningless.
I am a lucky man

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayer request please

I ask please for prayers for my cousin Joe. I did ask for prayers for Joe several weeks ago and ask they please continue. It is something like 2 months ago that Joe first became ill.

Numerous doctors appointments, tests and hospital stays and the doctors are unable to come up with a diagnosis. I understand the cancer word is being thrown around although tests have not confirmed it. If a diagnosis could be made then at least a proper treatment plan could be started. Please

Dying Man’s daily Journal

I was out on the front step this morning. It is just beautiful, normal spring like weather has finally arrived. I just love the sound of dozens of birds singing and that sound seemingly coming at you from every direction. 

We live well into a major city but here we have more squirrels and rabbits than I ever saw living  in rural areas. I suppose it is because they don’t have the same natural preditors here as they would in the wild. Just look around and there is such beauty everywhere. I love the color of the new leaves a much lighter shade of green than that to which they will soon become.
I realize one of the life lessons I really need to focus on is appreciation. Appreciation off all of the true blessings I have in my life. I KNOW I am a very blessed man, a very lucky man.
Some how it seems to be so easy to loose sight of the big picture and focus instead on the immediate surroundings or situation. Worrying about tomorrow only robs me of today. I don’t have enough today’s to allow that to happen. Think about it, NONE OF US, do. In our hearts we all know this, yet still allow it to happen, why?
I want to really LIVE every moment I have left. For me attitude is key. I have prayed asking for God’s will to be done in my life. Parts of me are content with that. My will keeps getting in the way. MY will is to live is to live into my 90’s and then die after being shot in the back by a jealous husband. That is a really big LOL.
I am going live and enjoy every moment I can right up until our Heavenly Father nudges me right up to the doorway to the other side. At that point and only at that point will very willingly step right though with no hesitation or concern. How are you living your life?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – We only die once

I have come to a big realization. I have allowed myself to do one of the very things I know I can’t let myself do. I have allowed my mind set or thinking to go to a more negative place. With all I have been told, with all that has happened, I have allowed my thinking, my mind set into what I think of as “dying man mode”. To me that is a time when those sort of thoughts dominate your thinking. Now what does carrying those thoughts around in your head all day accomplish? Absolutely nothing. Such negatively on such a constant basis only deprives you of the chance to live and enjoy each day as it comes.
I am not talking about being in denial. I know what is coming. I know that it could be this afternoon but I also it could also be days, weeks or I am hoping months or longer. That day will come and I can’t change that. All I can change is how I live the remaining days. Do I relax and get all the enjoyment I can out of them, OR do I just dwell on the inevitable. That choice is mine and mine alone to make.
I read something recently, it was to the effect that you only live once. Now I understand the overall meaning of that. But what I read gave me a bit of a different thought to that. We live every day, we awake to a new beginning every day. We need to make the most of each of those days as in fact it is dying that we only do once. What are your thoughts on that

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers Please

Today I have 3 separate prayer requests. 

My dear cousin Joe has been ailing for 3 or 4 weeks now. It seems to be almost one of those mystery diagnosis case such as you see on TV. Kidney stones-pancreatitis-to affecting the heart – mystery spots on his lung – unidentified exotic virus. Joe is suffering/struggling and doctors are searching. Prayers please

I ask also please for prayers for my own dear Vi. She is like the energizer bunny always on the go and always at full speed ahead. About a year ago her legs began to bother her. Walking about a block brought about pain through her legs and hips to the point she had to sit down and rest them. Over the year that has worsened to the point she can only go 15 or 20 steps. Numerous times who each time blew it off as being caused by her back and nothing he could do. Vi’s son Michael is a medical doctor in a different province suggested she request a vascular test showing blood flow in her legs. That test shows severe blockages in at least some of the arteries greatly reducing blood flow causing the pain. We are at the point of knowing there are different surgical options available but not knowing what or when anything will be done.

Finally, a general prayer request to cover everyone in this world. Every one is fighting their own battles of some sort for which prayers can only help