Well, Manitoba winter set in yesterday and last night with a bang. It looks like we got 3-4 inches of snow, but under the snow is a layer of ice. Roads are going to be aweful for driving. Forecast calls for a high of -3. We all know the weather is coming but I always just hope it will hold off until after halloween for the kids. Usually, we get 140-150 kids because of the weather this year who knows. I always enjoy seeing the little ones, so cute in their costumes. This year they will still be wearing the costumes just we won’t see them as they will be bundled up in their big coats.
Yesterday was a pretty quiet day around the house. Both Vi and I were tired from the weekend. Not really sure why I was extra tired, she did all the work, cooking etc. I just sat around and visited with the family.
I, a couple of days ago I received an email from our good friend, Janice. She had just read my posting on my discomfort when trying to express my sympathy to a lady whose mother is in the final stages of her struggle with cancer. Janice, then carried on sharing some of her own feelings after the passing of her mother. Janice, I haven’t asked you so I hope you don’t mind if I share. What you wrote was so beautifully written and clarified much in my own mind.
…… in your journal, you said this about a friends visit…” last night Vi’s brother and his wife stopped over. Her mother is in the final stages of terminal cancer. What did I say, Jesse, I am so sorry to hear of your mother, she replied yes it is tragic. With that we both lower our eyes to the floor for a moment and carried on to other things.
Janice carried on: Some times a silence is good, that moment to pause and know that there is concern and a wish for someone we care about. At the time of my mothers passing, I was internally desperately grief stricken and couldn’t figure out why it was so hard to stop thinking about the empty sad feeling that seemed to be the only feeling I’d ever feel again. A friend summed it up simply, and suddenly, it made sense, with the words “the world just feels like a different when you know your mother isn’t in it”. Following those words was a silence. Anyway, it was one of the words spoken to me that made me realize I wasn’t losing my mind. My world suddenly was different, with out my mother in it…….
Janice, I thank you for sharing that and I really hope you don’t mind me putting it in my posting. I think you stated it so perfectly, the internal turmoil, we go through with the passing of a loved one. It goes beyond the natural sadness and painful sense of loss. The whole world, as we see it, is suddenly changed. Our thinking is overtaken by the feelings of loss at that time nothing else seems to matter. A vital and important part of that world is gone. It is almost like we are dealing with two issues. The grieving and natural pain of our loss, but also setting our world back in order. Adjusting our own lives to carry on with that one big piece of our lives suddenly gone. That in itself, can be hard, painful and frustrating. I suppose, it could almost seem to feel like trying to solve a complicated puzzle with one of the major clues to the puzzle missing. But, somehow we do it. Gradually, we put the pieces of our lives back together and carry on. It can be a slow process but we get there. I know Janice did as can we all.
Thank you Janice for helping me to see things a little more clearly. The loss of a loved one affects us far beyond the natural pain and sense of loss, it changes our world.