Special prayer request Please

May 31, 2015

My/our dear blogging friend Mel, has contributed so much to this blog. Mel discovered the blog within a few months of it’s very beginning. Through all these years she has been a loyal friend, helping me and all of us through some of my most difficult times.
It is a time when I/ we can return her loving kindness and support. Mel is experiencing a very difficult time. I ask please for prayers and support.
Mel, I have never met you in person and never will. I does amaze me how we can come to care about someone solely through a cyber connection. Thought and prayers are with you Mel.
Prayers of all please.

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I am a work in progress

May 24, 2015

It feels like forever since I last came online.
Saw family doc last week. He started by saying, you have no energy, really fatigued and just feel like crap. He hit it right on. He was right on. It is to the point I have to force myself to do anything and everything. No he is not a mind reader, he was reading the results of my latest blood work.
It is hard to describe the feelings of tiredness. It is not the “normal” tiredness we all experience and can just “man” up and push through. You hit a wall where the energy reserves are just gone, you have nothing left. Add the feeling crappy and things haven’t been to spry.
To top it off, it must be a couple of weeks ago the IPad froze. I think everything tech Bill did just made it worse. Finally a trip to the Apple Store, a two minute fix and back in business.
The way I was feeling it became too easy to procrastinate. It became I just don’t have the energy today, too tired to use it today. I will take it tomorrow. It took until yesterday for tomorrow to finally get here. Missing being here on the blog was what it took to get me off my butt.
The way I feel depends on the day and even the time of day. I am still having the episodes that I have written about before. I have come to realize it will only last 20-30 minutes, that is not so bad. I am going to have these episodes, no choice in that. How long they will last or how severe it will be again, I have no say in that.
Now I am not perfect at this, a work in progress, but I am getting much better at maintaining the right mindset. Which for me is staying more positive, it helps me a lot both mentally and then physically.
The fatigue, well I am living a lot of guy’s dream life. I get to lay around all day, dozing, napping, watching TV. Dealing with the episodes, well that is a little harder. When it hits, I try to go into a semi meditation type state. Focus on the big picture of my life which is good. I acknowledge that what I am experiencing at the moment sucks but it is only going to last 20-30 minutes. Focus on, this 20 minutes or so in the grand scheme of my whole life is but a blip in time. Really this is nothing, I can easily deal with this. Get through it and put it out of my mind. I always know there is another one coming, just don’t know when. Can’t let fear of that next one get into my thinking.
I am definitely a work in progress.


Learning to deal with life

May 6, 2015

I must be a creature of habit or something. I am realizing I have a hard time adjusting to change. Well, at least negative change impacting my health.
Heart Failure is a degenerative condition meaning with time it just gets worse.
For me it seems every couple of years some sort of heart related issue happens. Things are dealt with in an urgent/crisis mode, tests are done and the doctors show their amazing skill and I come through it. Afterwards I face an adjustment period. Usually because my physical limitations have been reduced and I do struggle with that. It takes a bit of time but I work at it, get my head screwed on straight and reach a level of acceptance. I am able to get on with life living with my new physical reality. Not easy but I get there. Life is to be lived not endured. I suppose I became comfortable. Yes, I had the chest pain but nitro spray mostly dealt with that. Constant fatigue – afternoon nap. Light headed/dizziness be more careful when standing.
About a year and 1/2 ago a totally new heart condition came on with a gusto. My heart rate sped up to the point my resting heart rate was in the 120/130’s. That by itself increased the exhaustion, limiting me to virtual bed rest. I was having episodes where my heart would for no apparent reason would take off beating 180/190 beats per minute. With that my blood pressure was rising 20/30 points.
It was decided in time I needed ablation therapy on the right side of the heart. Burning/killing a small part of the heart muscle that helps distribute the electrical impulses throughout the heart. When the doctor got in there he realized it was more complicated and ended up burning a line from the bottom of my heart up to the very top. Let’s just say it was no fun.
Since then it almost immediately kicked over to the left side of my heart doing the very same thing. Symptoms though we’re magnified by about 10. By symptoms I mean things I am feeling physically being more extreme.
I am still having my episodes. It is improved as heart rate will still get way up there but mostly only to the 150’s. Now though with this my blood pressure is dropping, heart beat is even more irregular, when chest starts bounding, way stronger than before. During episodes chest pain is quite a bit more than before. The nitro spray I usually can use for the chest pain, I can use only on a limited basis. Nitro spray will lower your blood pressure. As my blood pressure is already to low I can’t use the spray and lower it further. The low blood pressure magnifies the light headed, dizziness, my wonkie head. Poor me. Give my head that shake. Some of the top heart doctors in the country are aware of this. My file is marked urgent, they are working on the best plan of action. Here on earth I could not be in better hands. Be patient, don’t sweat it and they will get me through it all.
Right now there is so much going on I think I allowed to overwhelm me to some degree. In one of my deep thinking sessions, I decided to break all this down to it’s individual issues that are affecting me at this time, my symptoms.
OK, it takes a while to get out of bed. I have to do it slowly or the dizziness will put me on the floor. Huh, it is a bit of a nuisance but in the overall scheme of things, not that big a deal. OK, I have walk with a cane and hang on to things to not loose my balance. Well that is another big nuisance but I am still getting around so maybe that is not such a big deal.
Now the increased chest pain is a little harder to deal with. If I can use my nitro spray it will be gone in seconds. If I can’t use the spray, I know it will only last 15 or 20 minutes. Now really everything considered, that is not all that bad.
My out look has changed. Yes, I have crap going on but nothing I can’t easily deal with. Life is good