Helping Our Families

What is the one thing every single person in this world has in common? We are all going to die at some point!! There is no denying it and no avoiding it, it is going to happen to each and every one of us at some point. While we don’t have to like the idea, it is a reality we must accept. At some point it is going to happen even to YOU.

Now to be the person that hears your planned life expectancy may not be neerly as long as you had hope, really, really sucks big time. I know I am in that position. Still I really do believe it is harder on the families. Many may ask how can you say that, you are the one that is going to die, the family will at least still be alive? Well, that is my point exactly, the family will still be alive to grieve and mourn your passing. The pain of the grieving process can linger on hurtfully for years.

Now irregardless of what your religious beliefs may or may not be, when you pass, your physical suffering on this earth is ended. My Christian beliefs comfort me tremendously as I know I am going to a much better place. But, for this post that is all irrelavent. No one knows for sure what is going to happen in the after life. What we do know for sure is what we will be leaving behind in this physical life.

We will be leaving behing families filled with pain and grief. It is going to happen to all of us and all of our families at some point, another fact of life. This is something we can’t avoid. Now my thought is, my question is. We all love our families, so is there anything we can do to ease or cushion the blow when the time does come? Now obviously, I know there is nothing that can be done that will completely take away that pain. The grieving process is a natural and healthy way of being human. I am looking for ideas on how to ease the burden if only slightly.

Let’s back up a step. Once we learn we are on the final leg of this journey called life and find ourselves with an uncertain future. Our families are there with us, facing that same uncertain future. But are also at that time forced to sit helplessly by watching as our health continues to deteriorate. They are suffering tremendously. Is there anything we can do to ease their sufferning and hurt. We all love our families, what can we do to make it at least a little easier? Suggestions or thoughts please.

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15 Responses to Helping Our Families

  1. dobegil says:

    I’ve thought about writing a letter to my children and grand children as well as my sisters, just so they have something that lets them know how much they are loved, appreciated and what joy they have brought to my life. Why is it so hard to say these things in person, I don’t know … but for me, writing it down I can get it out through all the tears.

    I hear what you are saying. I am going through much the same, it is hard. Maybe we can work together on this.

  2. Vera says:

    I just found out that I may have hepatitis and I am panicking. What if I die? The 2-3 period to find out if I have it or if I do then what kind I am very worried…. I am only 17, I’m scared. All my life plans… My mom’s kids died and her husband, I’m her only other family and only chance to get grankids…

    Hi Vera, I have been away for a couple of weeks, which is why I am slow in responding to your message. You truly are facing a very scary time particularly over this next couple of weeks as you wait for those test results to come back. My heart really does go out to you, please know you are in my prayers.
    I see Planetcity and Mel have both already left you wonderful comments of support for with I thank them.
    It is going to be hard, not it is going to be impossible not to worry for this next few weeks. But lets not forget nothing is definite yet and pray for good results when they come back.
    This is a terrible burden to face alone. I would encourage you to turn to family or friends for support. The loving support of family and/or friends can be a tremendous aide.
    I don’t know your circumstances, but I would welcome you to see us here on this blog as friends that will be here to support you in any way we can. I hope you will please keep us updated on events as they unfold.

    You are in my thoughts, heart and prayers.
    Bill

  3. planetcity1 says:

    Vera:

    Take a deep breath. Take another. Repeat as needed.

    Meanwhile, don’t jump to any conclusions till you have the facts.

    That’s tough, I know, but you really won’t truly know what you’re up against till the results come in and you know what, if anything, you might have.

    If you want to read up on hepatitis, do so, go to some reputable medical sites on the web, along the lines of WebMD, but keep in mind that a lot of medical conditions mimic something else.

    We’re here for you no matter what, so keep us updated…

    God’s blessings on you during this stress-filled wait.

  4. Mel says:

    Oh Vera…what a scary time for you. I’m sorry to hear there’s a need to be tested…and I’ve no doubt that ‘wait’ is a scary one.

    I’m with PC1….buy time and try really, really hard not to ‘borrow troubles’. Talk with a good friend and share what’s going on for you…troubles shared really ARE troubles divided. It’s all about letting people help you, regardless of what’s going on, yaknow? You really don’t have to do the wait by yourself.

    We’re kinda a fun, caring group of folks here–so please know you’re welcome here any time.

    Hang in there–and try not to panic. Hard as that may be, if you let people be there for you, they really will be. You really don’t have to do this scary stuff alone….k?

    *HUGE hugs*
    And know prayers are being said for you.

  5. Karen says:

    Hi Bill,

    Here is the link for the blessing video for you, Kendra McBain and anyone else.

    Hi Karen, this is a beautiful message I thank you so much for sharing it with us.
    Bill

  6. Mel says:

    I don’t know how to comment on this one.
    Maybe that’s because it speaks for itself…….

    *Hugs*

    Thank you…..

  7. Jo Hart says:

    Oh my goodness, this is beautiful. Thanks for sharing this Karen, definately something I will be passing on.

  8. Kathy says:

    Hi Bill: my mom died last November from pancreatic cancer. She had 349 days from the day of diagnosis until the day she died. I miss her deeply and I’m healing from her death. Writing is one my ways of expressing myself, healing, so I started a blog site in her memory and on the loss of a parent (check it out if you’d like http://peace4me521.wordpress.com
    I wanted my mom to write letters for her grandkids, or do a video for each of them. I wanted to tape her reading stories. I asked her about it, she said yes, but it never happened. She did so well for so long, and then went downhill very quickly. And then there was no time left and she was gone. My daughter was only 2 when my mom died and doesn’t remember her when she was here with us, but knows her by pictures and stories I tell. At least my son has memories of the good times they shared together. I wish I had something of my mom’s to give to both my children, something specifically for each of them from my mom. But I don’t. So I created my blog site and I’m working on a scrapbook and I talk about her all the time.

    Sorry to ramble. I feel my mom’s loss more for my kids than I do for me. I wish you all the best.

    Hi Kathy, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I hope you are some what comforted knowing she has gone to a better place. For me at least even knowing that, it didn’t take away the feelings of loss and of missing my mother.
    Cat, in the comment below said it all so very well. Your mother did leave something for your children. She left them you, the person you are to pass on treasured memories. She left them you to teach the kids to grow to become the adults you mother would have been proud of.
    The writing and scrap booking is an excellent idea. I will be over to visit your site to read more of you and of your mother.
    I hope you will visit again.
    Bill

    • Daylin says:

      Hi Kathy, i am so sorry about your loss – i lost my dad 3weeks ago on wednesday the 22nd will be a month, It has been the worse 3weeks of my life – i miss him more and more with every breath i take. I pray for comfort, acceptance and guidance during your grievieng period.
      DAYLIN Mitchell ( South Africa)

  9. planetcity1 says:

    Kathy:
    My condolences on the loss of your Mom. I do hope that you remember, in the coming days, that your Mom did give something specifically to each of your kids
    — she gave them you. And, through you, through your love and your stories, they will know her well.

    (((((((Kathy)))))))

    PC your message here is just beautiful, thank you for sharing it.
    Bill

  10. Lynda says:

    Hi,
    I have not written in a while.I started writing here because my friend Joey Jares introduced me to this site. He had cancer. This site was helpful to me in writing my thoughts of a friend who was dealing with cancer. Well it has been months since i have written and in that time my friend Joey passed away on April 7th of this year surrounded by his family. i am still grieving the loss of such a close friend even though we lived thousands of miles apart. Keeping in contact with his sister has helped both of us.
    Just wanted to thank you for this site.
    Lynda Breen

  11. Noel says:

    I am currently facing the possibility that my father may be dying. I received a call from my brother who informed my father is in the hospital. Dizzy spell. Taking labs. No results yet. Grief is trying to come early. But I try to remain calm, hopeful, and at the same time accepting whatever comes. It is surreal, almost like a bad dream. Makes me wonder about my existence… the meaning of it all. Yet to find out what is going to happen to my father. If he leaves us, well, I guess I have to continue to live life until it is time for me to leave. But I will miss him. I already do. …. Thanks for reading.

    Hi Noel, my thoughts and prayers are with your father, you and entire family. May I ask what is your fathers medical condition that has him in the hospital? Is there any news since you posted this comment? Please stay in touch.
    Bill

  12. Noel says:

    He had a small heart attack,, a friend did CPR on him. He is doing fine now. My brother keeps visiting him. It was a reminder of the limitations of this life… how I must accept the inevitable. Thanks for your prayers.

    Hi Noel, I am just glad he is doing well. A heart attack is a warning, one which I hope your dad will heed. He needs to take care of himself.

  13. Gaby Eirew says:

    Hi

    I wondered about that too. What do we need to say to support the next generation ? SO, 5 years ago I started interviewing people who had a parent die before they reached 16 – I asked them through life, what do they wished they knew form or about that parent. I took the answers that kept being repeated and made an app which is free to use and videorecords answers to prompted messages so children can be left with messages and words that will bring support over the years. It is private and free – you use your own PC or Mac OSX, webcam and discs. Make it how you want it.
    I am a trained teacher and counsellor so I hope it helps.
    I would love any feedback – but most of all – do use it for good…

    http://www.RecordMeNow.org

    Wishes,

    Gaby Eirew

    Hi Gaby, I checked out your site and I think this is a wonderful thing you are doing with it. I thank you for this comment as I will be utilizing your service. I need to talk to the family to see what it is they would like to hear from me. You will hear more from me.
    Bill

  14. hawleywood40 says:

    As someone who lost her mother to a fast-moving terminal illness not quite a year ago, I am so glad to have found your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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