Trying to comfort those Grieving

April 12, 2016

On another forum I have had the opportunity to meet a lady that is feeling great loss, great pain with the very resent loss of her husband.
It has got me thinking of how intense the pain, the sense of loss can be. Your world as you know it is completely turned upside down, nothing is the same. The fact of the matter is it never will be the same. A person that played a huge part in your life is gone, how could it be the same.
As you are going through the grieving process all you can think of is the pain and loss.
It is hard to imagine it at the time but while not the same life will become good again.
Dealing with a loss and how we deal with it is a very personal, private matter. There just is no one correct way to do it.
As you try to comfort someone going through it all, that I know of anyway, there are just no mere words that can be said that will provide any meaningful comfort.
So many at anyone time are going through this. I know it can be a very lonely experience.
As I don’t have specific words of comfort, I am sharing a previous post that at the time of my mothers passing did help me a lot. Did it take away the pain, No. But it did help. Here it is from way back in the early days of the blog:

With my memory these days I am never sure if I read this somewhere or if this is my own thought. I just know this helped me tremendously when my mother passed. I loved my mother dearly and still do and always will. I hope I can find the right words to really express what I am trying to say.

Use your imagination and try to picture this scenario. By some chance your loved one get a chance to go on a fantastic voyage, say a year long cruise around the world. You know your loved one would have a fantastic time, the time of their lives. Lets further suppose, the trip has already been booked and nothing short of a miracle will stop them form going. How would you react?

Would you be there, being lovingly supportive in their preparations for the voyage. Hoping and praying only for their happiness and well being. It is a given that you will miss them. You are comforted knowing you will see them again and out of love, make the choise to put their well being ahead of our own. I mean it would be so unfair to hope or think they should miss out on such an opportunity just because we will miss them. We joyously help in their preparations spending quality, happy time before they leave. Tearful good byes are said hugs are exchanged and off they go.

Or, Even though you know the trip is booked and that they will have a wonderful time, do you react differently. Even selfishly, out of our own fear of missing them and being lonely, we feel miserable. We cry and maybe even try to talk them into canceling the trip, “you can’t go I will miss you to much”.

Through our own selfishness we want to deny them the trip the joy, the happiness that would come with it. They are leaving anyway, but we have turned what could have been a joyous farewell into a time of personal sorrow for ourselves.

I used these thoughts on the passing of my dearly loved mother. I wished her joy and happiness until we meet again. Did that remove all the sadness no, but it definately helped. With her passing my mother went on a wonderful voyage and I do miss her but I know I will be seeing her again

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Thank you for the support

April 11, 2016

Well back at it. Realizing I need to give myself more of a push to keep life going. It seems somehow my days all blur together and just fly past. It seem human issues, health issues, lack of energy caused by both and a bit of plain old laziness has been keeping me down.
I have to push harder, well here I am. This is me pushing.
There seems so much I have to catch up on, especially responding to the beautiful heart felt comments.
My heart goes out to our dear blogging friend Mel with all the struggles faced by her and family. Been away for so long, being memory guy, can’t remember how to do the link thing. Will work on it.
Next few days will give update on health issues. Things pretty much following expected path. Bigger threat of a stroke scares the crap out of me. But will get into that.
Am planning a series of posts. A while back I was asked to write about what I have learned from this blogging experience. Simple answer is a lot. Far more than I expected or even dreamed of, such a wonderful experience.
Needing that push I am going to commit to at least weekly posts. As I get rolling who knows maybe more often.
I want to thank all my blogging friends. You have been wonderful your living support, your prayers have kept me going. Thank you