Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I’m Home

I’m home tired, a little battered and a lot bruised.

i am disappointed to say the doctors very best efforts were unable to clear or even partially open the blockage in my heart. Four hours on the table and both plan A and backup plan B and no success. The result wasn’t want I was hoping for but I do thank the medical team for efforts and kind care.

a big thank you to Fairyflutterings and Laura for the emailed good wishes I received while in hospital, heart warming as is reading all the warm comments left here for me. I really am touched.
Feeling fine, just very tired and worn out

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Angioplaty

Went for blood work this morning, they phoned with the results and every thing is a go for tomorrow. Yes, I am a little nervous but really not that bad. Now maybe to put it in perspective. Vi and I were just talking. I am not sure what words to use here dreading, worried fretting about tomorrow. Our reasons feeling that way are miles apart. Vi’s thoughts are running towards what happens if something goes wrong, particularly when the surgeon has to make those so very precise cuts into the artery. OK, that would not be good,actually very bad. I have always said it is harder on the families.
Vi has been with me when in the past I have had an angioplasty and it really just is not that big a deal. If anyone out there is facing one, you can rest easy. There is virtually no discomfort and risk of any sort of complications is extremely low, it has become such a routine procedure.
You are laying on a table with a cat scan machine or something very similar positioned over you chest. This transfers a live image of what is happening in your chest to a monitor (TV screen). The doctor uses that image to guide him as he manipulates the business end of the catheter around in you heart and does what ever it is he is doing. The catheter is basically a long wire inserted into an artery either in the groin area or now through the wrist. It is feed up through that artery into your heart. The business end, in your heart can have all sorts of tools attached to it depending on what they are doing. On the other end of the catheter, the part outside your body had the working controls which the doctor uses to utilize the tools on the other end being inside your heart. It is sort of a remote control. It is using this remote control system that the slit through the first layer of the artery will be make and the entire procedure will be done. OK, I have described this in very basic terms and as I understand it. Making that precise slit into the artery by “remote control” is the worry. Prayers for my family please.
Back to the discussion Vi and I had this morning. she asked me what part of tomorrow I am dreading the most. For me the answer was easy. I can’t have my morning coffee. Am I nervous, yeah a little bit but I have placed myself in God’s hands, I have ultimate faith in the doctors. Worrying about tomorrow won’t change tomorrow it will only spoil today. Oh, the thought of having to lay perfectly still of about 3 hours after the procedure isn’t all that appealing either.

I have a special comment for Rowena. I welcome you to the blog. I read your comment this morning. I allow people to leave almost any comments they feel a need to. What I do not allow is any comments I see as being disrespectful to others that have shared their thoughts or feelings here. This is intended to be like a safe haven for all. With the smiling happy face included after the comment possibly it was intended as a joke that I have misinterpreted but I did not read it that way and the comment has been deleted. If I did misread it you are welcome to return.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – a little nervous

Well Tuesday is the big day. I have long known that one of the life lessons I need to learn is patience. I hate waiting, let’s just go and do it, get it all over with.

i appreciate that I am very lucky the cardiac unit at St. Boniface General Hospital is top notch, on the cutting edge of care, treatment and new procedures . At 6:00am on Tuesday I will be putting myself in their hands.
The Pre-Op was informative as the procedure is different than what I had been thinking. I am sure the misunderstanding is all on my part. Take a “memory guy” fill him with some sort of relaxing “happy juice” medication and who knows what the result will be and that is all fine.
Now this is how I understand it (keep that in mind).
I have had by pass surgery in the past. At that time it was open heart surgery. Your chest is cut open to allow access to the heart. The heart is stopped temporarily. A new piece of vein is sewn in to the blocked artery first on one side of the blockage. It is then run along past the blockage and then reattached to that artery on the other side of the blockage. Really it is putting in a little detour for the blood to flow around and past. Not sure how well I explained that.
By passing a blockage is the very same procedure I will be having. I am so very blessed, lucky and all that. Having the by pass done no longer requires the open heart surgery.
Again, I am not a doctor and what I am describing is my understanding.
It is being treated in a very similar manner to a simple angio-plasti.
A wire will be run either through my wrist or groin area. It will be threaded up all the way into the heart to the point the blockage begins. Now comes the tricky and I suppose risky part.
The doctor is standing beside, operating one end of the wire extending up into your heart, sort of like remote control. What I did not know is the walls of an artery contain 3 layers. What the doctor is going to do is make a small slit in the side of the artery wall, only through the first layer of the wall. He will then insert the wire into the wall of the artery. Staying between the walls of the artery. He will extend the instrument down the artery to a point past the blockage. At that point he will pop back out of the wall of the artery into the artery itself.
At that point there is a clear passage way past the blockage and a stent will be put in place to keep the passage way open.
The hands and skill of a surgeon are definitely needed for some thing this delicate. How amazing is that, if all goes well and IT WILL I will actually be home the next day. I will have essentially had the equivalent of open heart by pass surgery without having to have my chest cracked open.
It is the cutting into the artery part that has me a little nervous.
There as been some interest shown in sending me get well cards. Checking with the hospital I have found there is a way that can be done. The hospital actually has a site to which well wishes can be sent via email. I understand the emails are printed out on a card and delivered to the patient. I am not sure where I will exactly be other than in the cardiac unit. Should anyone be interested go online to the home page for St. Boniface General Hospital. Close to the top of the page there is a contact us tab. Hit that tab, scroll down to WELL WISHES. Their records will be showing me as William Howdle.Hearing from friends is always nice

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Pre-Op …..Gifts Please

Today is the day of the pre-op. I admit to being a little apprehensive. What they will be doing has been described as a new procedure. Dealing with this blockage has been passed over at least twice in the past as being too risky. I know that virtually every day huge advances are made in the world of medicine and I am sure some of those advances have greatly reduced the risk involved here.. I have been told it is a 4-5 hour procedure which means at this time next week I will be right in the middle of having it done. About 1/2 way to feeling a lot better.

I want to thank our dear blogging friend fairyfluttering for the suggestion I provide a mailing address so cards and well wishes could come flooding in from all over the world. She suggests being able to read all those loving messages of support would just have to help the healing process. I do admit that sounds wonderful and so heart warming. Be it justified or not, I am just not comfortable providing my home address out on the world wide web. I have no problem providing my address to friends, who knows maybe I am just being crazy.

I have come upwith a different idea that I know would be very heart warming to me. Many times over the course of the blog I have flat out asked for gifts and I am going to do that again now.

I have always held the thought of random acts of kindness close to my heart. What I am asking is that any and all that may read this actively look for the opportunity to do a random act of kindness and then act on that opportunity. The size of this act does not matter, big or small it all counts. For whom you do this act of kindness doesn’t matter. All that matters is that from the goodness contained within your heart you did somerthing to in some way help or make the live of another better or a little easier. Not something we have to do or are expected to do, not with the thought of any reward or recognition. Just because we can.

The gift to me will be having you write in and tell me about what your act was. It will not be seen as bragging or boasting or any such. It will be seen only as your gift to me. Plus, your actions when written here may provide ideas for others that may follow your lead.

Every once in a while I will receive a comment from some one describing themselves as a “lurker” (someone that reads but doesn’t write in). I am calling on you. I am calling on everyone, all my friends everyone.
Get your friends involved let’s make this world just rock with kindness

Pre-op, not reassuring

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

I just realized this is in fact post #1150, do I ever like to ramble. I think back and at post #1,000 I had intended to put up a post about the things I had learned from blogging. I look back through the unpublished draft posts I have saved and see I have actually started that post 3 different times. Have another go at it.. In no particular order other than as they come to mind.

If you have to live your entire life, every second of your life with one person would it not make your life a lot more pleasant, enjoyable if you at least liked that person. Imagine if every minute of every day you are just plain stuck with someone you are just not all that fond of or even dislike. Would that not make finding true happiness, contentment and joy more difficult in life. Well you are “stuck” with one person for every second of every day. That person is yourself and you yourself play a much bigger role in determining your own happiness than does anyone else. Happiness comes from within, searching for it externally is most often set to fail Think about that and let me know what you think.

As much as I seem to so often think it should the world DOES NOT revolve me or you. How often do we set ourselves up for some sort of hurt or disappointment when things in life donèt go the way we expect them to. Someone does not act in the way or manner that we are hoping or expecting them to. How often do we get upset by the actions of another having the thoughts: What is their problem don’t they know they should/shouldn’t……… and we get upset. We take it personally when others live own their lives, in their own way especially when that happens to somehow over lap into our own lives, possibly spoiling our own perfect view of how things should be.
A thought just hit me. I do believe God has a plan of all of us. Speaking for myself I do not know what that plan is. What I do know is what I would like that plan to be. Now let’s see who would know what is best for me? God or myself? Now is that a ridiculous question or what?

I am just starting to get on a role in my rambling way and need a break. My pillow is calling my name and telling me I need a nap

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – date is set

I am feeling pretty good. Still have some chest discomfort but nothing I can’t easily deal with. Have been told increased sweating can be a symptom, well let me tell you, I am sweating buckets, so much so my hair is wet to the touch.

it seems I have been going every second day for blood work. Monitoring mr INR levels (thickness and clotting levels in the blood). My levels seem to be jumping around either too high or to low. Medication dosage changes and it will get sorted out.

Have had a couple of tentative dates for the up coming procedure, June 24th was set. The hospital called yesterday and it has been moved up to May 28 th. Really looking forward to getting this behind me.
A question was posted in a recent comment. Why don’t they just do the procedure now, why the wait? Good question. I see our Canadian medical system as being wonderful, it has kept me alive. It is a fantastic system and it is FREE of all charge to Canadians. Top notch, quality care and it is free of charge, now you can’t beat that.
OK, one possible short fall. There are waiting lists/times for most specialized procedures. To be having this procedure with in the next 2 weeks as it is. I am just so grateful

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful Ladies that so deserve to be honoured on this special day set aside for you.
Being a mother, I am aware can often seem to be an endless and often thankless job. It some how seems sad that we need a date on the calendar to remind us to thank and honor those that have given so selflessly of themselves to you this day is dedicated.
I encourage all mothers as I will fathers in their turn to reflect back on their parenting over this past year. This is a special day on which appreciation should flow in both directions.
Happy Mother’s Day.

Get ready for it…… Are you ready for it. Here comes another “according to Bill” …. The way I see it based on the way I see the men around me and how they treat their wives. It is like EVERY is Mother’s Day. I can hardly wait to read the responses to that. Lol

Dying Man’s daily Journal

I am feeling better. I am still experiencing the chest discomfort but having a degree of understanding of its cause and that it is not heart attack related is a great relief. Peace of mind is a wonderful thing. Does it make sense to say while the degree of discomfort is the same it is some how not as bothersome.
I am always so appreciative of all the comments left for me, be assured I do read each and everyone of them. I am so far behind in replying I know I can never catch up in responding to each individually as I often try. Please know each is read and appreciated.

Dying Man’s daily Journal – To Hospital again

Spent yesterday in the hospital. Previous 3 days hadn’t been feeling so spry with a lot chest discomfort, throwing up and profuse sweating. Over all I wasn’t feeling too bad just no well. Well that is until the nausea would hit. It just seemed to come out of no where. That feeling seemed to only last for a few minutes and then disappeared as suddenly as it came. I could at least tell it was heart related as a couple a sprays of the nitro under the tongue would take care of the chest discomfort. The issue was it took care of it for an hour or two and then kept coming back. I really didn’t think I was having a heart attack as the chest discomfort was different, it was more like a heavy squeezing as opposed to the pain I have experienced in the past.
The first day all of this was going on Vi suggested the hospital, day 2 she strongly suggested the hospital, day 3 she insisted. When day 4 started out the same way she presented me with a choice. Either she drives me to the hospital NOW or she would call the ambulance NOW. (Grumble, grumble bossy women, lol).
My arrival at the emergency department created quit a stir. I had doctors and nurses all over me. Within a couple of hours I was having an emergency angiogram done.
It was determined it was not a heart attack. Now this is I understand it. We know there is a 100% blockage of one of the major arteries. We already know there are smaller arteries, delivering blood around that blockage and obviously enough to keep me going. That doesn’t mean those little arteries are rerouting all of the blood that arrives at that spot. In simple terms I can understand, extra blood arrives there at that spot creating a bit of a bottle neck. Not enough to be medically serious but enough to cause the discomfort.
I do thank all for the wonderful comments being left for me. I do read and treasure each one. I am feeling better and do plan on blogging much more frequently, God bless to all.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Doctor appointment

Had an appointment with my family doctor yesterday. We both (Vi and I) always seem to come away from those appointments filled with feelings of doom and gloom. This is the same doctor that told me a few months back that I had days, maybe weeks but not months left.
Yesterday, we discussed my up coming surgery being in 6 to 8 weeks. He added that the surgery would be only if I was still alive. That sort of stopped me in my tracks, like of course it will only be if I am still alive. I am REALLY sure it would be canceled if I had indeed already passed. Through out the appointment he threw in that “if you are still alive” thing 3 or 4 times.
It reached the point I had to confront him about it, “why do you have to keep stating the obvious?” His response: “to keep the discussion realistic”. He just doesn’t think I have that long.
It was so very hard on Vi hearing it again and again