Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Accepting your lot in life

August 31, 2008

I am feeling a lot better today, much more rested. Well I guess I should I slept away almost all of yesterday and still had no problems sleeping last night.

I have decided it is time for me to be revamping some of my thinking. Example, I do have shall we say a gimpy heart. a brain tumor, diabetes…… All of which puts me in the position of being permanently disabled and returning to work is never going to be an option. Many physical activities are also no longer an option for me. Hey, I even have one of those handicap parking things for the car. Now anyone that has ever tried to find a parking spot in a busy mall has to appreciate that as being a bonus.

All of this physical disability stuff just conjures up negative connotations. So going forward I am just going to consider myself and refer to myself as being retired. I am a gentleman of leisure just relaxing and enjoying life. There are always 2 ways you can look at everything and this is the way I am choosing.

I know I have written often about the 2 ways you can look at everything and I am sure I will continue to do so. It makes up such an important part of the way I try to look at things. I find it truly does make my life easier to deal with. It all ties back to the Serenity Prayer, “accept the things you can not change.”

I like to illustrate my point with my good old traffic jam scenario. Imagine you are on your way across town to a very important meeting. The meeting is important so you leave giving yourself ample time to get there. Unexpectedly you find yourself caught in a traffic jam. Possibly an accident ahead or what ever but you are unexpectedly caught. You are stuck and there is just nothing you can do about it. You keep checking your watch, seeing the minutes tick away before this important meeting is to be held. You don’t have a cell phone with you so you can’t even call ahead to reschedule.

Here we go with the 2 ways you can look at or I suppose accept things in your life as they happen.

Way #1: You can keep checking your watch, getting yourself more and more frustrated with each passing minute. You bang the steering wheel, honk the horn all to no avail. You work yourself up into a real dither so much so that by the time traffic does start to move you are an emotional wreck, exhausted and very upset. You have worked yourself up to such an emotional mess inside that when you do get to the meeting, I would have to question if you are still able to function at your top level.

Way #2: Recognize and accept the circumstance as being out of your control. You are stuck in traffic and the is just nothing you can do about it. It is to bad you will be late for or even miss the meeting but it is out of your control so you just relax and enjoy the down time. You meditate, listen to music or just relax and think of your family. Appreciate, enjoy this unexpected bit of free time in your day. You arrive at the meeting late but are totally relaxed and on top of your game.

Which ever way we chose to react didn’t change the overall situation, in that it didn’t get traffic moving any faster. All it did was change how we felt internally angry and frustrated or calm and relaxed. Plus, I suppose there is a further consideration, how did our frame of mind affect the out come of the meeting based on what our performance would or could have been.

Recently, I received a very good question in a comment left here. It asked if I really was willing to just accept my medical conditions. This is a good question and the answer relates to my definition of the word accept. I have medical conditions as such that I see no alternative but to accept, they medically proven facts. I sought second and then third opinions before I accepted the facts as being facts.

OK, I have accepted my conditions so now what? As with everything, I have 2 ways of looking at the situation.

Way #1: I can become angry and bitter making myself miserable. I could even become angry with God, questioning why He is picking on me. How many people get stuck with a bad heart to the point of heart failure, plus a brain tumor, plus diabetes, plus epilepsy, plus sleep apnea, plus thyroid condition, plus carpal tunnel, plus peripheral neurapothy. Why me? Don’t I have a right to be angry at the world. Lash out at all around me, because I am being treated so unfairly.

Way #2: Accept that I do have these conditions. Accepting doesn’t mean I have to like it. Doesn’t mean I am not going do do everything I can to live with them. Doesn’t mean I am not going to do everything the doctors tell me to. But, it also doesn’t mean I have to become angry and bitter, lashing out at God or anyone around me. To me accepting just means I am going to do everything I can to live a fulfilling life while dealing with these conditions. I am choosing to live with them, accept they are there and get on with life as best I can. There is so much in life to be enjoyed and so much more I have left to enjoy.

Either option doesn’t change my condition. My heart is still the same irregardless. No actually that is wrong, stress is something I must try to avoid. Option #1 would most certainly cause a lot of stress and very possibly hasten by passing, don’t want that. The end result between the 2 options is hope I have felt internally. I want to feel good, so I choose option #2.

I wish everyone would just stop and think about this. In our daily lives there are always 2 ways you can look at everything. Life is meant to be lived, to be enjoyed. How much stress are we causing ourselves needlessly over things we just can not change. There is the flip side to that coin also, how much stress are we causing ourselves by not changing the things that we can.

It takes me right back to the good old Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Path to Heaven

August 31, 2008

Feeling really good just tired. Not sleepy tired so much as just sort of worn out tired, no energy.

A short while back I had a chat with a friend. A very nice man in his mid 70’s. He is in good health but I suppose just because of advancing years is starting to think more and more about his own mortality. Not dwelling on it or obsessing about it just occasionally thinking of it. In our chat I learned he has no faith based beliefs at all. He hopes there is something more than just this life time but fears that this is it. You die, you are put in the ground and that is it, end of story. This thought process is so contrary, so foreign to my own I have a bit of a hard time even grasping it.

A few days later I read a comment to the effect that, “religion, faith call it what you will is only a crutch that the weak lean on to help them through tough time as they don’t have the strength within themselves to face reality and deal with it on their own. Pure science has, is and will continue to come up with valid explanations for everything. Show me scientific proof there is a God and then I will believe.”

Now this just really blew my mind, but, hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Even if those opinions don’t agree with mine. (and I know all of my thoughts, feelings and opinions are obviously the right ones. lol).

I have never been shy about sharing my thoughts on anything so here we go, with the world according to “Bill”.

I have my own individual personal deeply and firmly entrenched belief system. Has it and is it helping me, oh yeah tremendously. Could it be seen as a crutch that I lean on in time of need? I suppose so, but it is so very much more than that. Now just for the sake of argument, lets just imagine that it is a crutch and only that, nothing more. I would still say, well what is wrong with that. Isn’t anything that helps us through our lives in a supportive and positive way a good thing. I would certainly think so. Here is a “Bill” statistic, what is a “Bill” statistic? A statistic totally made up in my own mind but sounds good to me. I would imagine 95 or 96% of the world population have some sort of faith based beliefs. Certainly all are not the same but I think all or at least most contain some sort of belief in an after life.

To those that say, “show me scientific prove there is an God and I will believe”, well I just say show me scientific proof there is no God and I will stop believing. Be it scientific or not I just see to much in the world that just points to a wonderful loving God.

I consider myself to be a Christian but haven’t found a church that really makes total sense to me in all of its teachings. I have no idea how many there are but I am sure there are literally thousands of different churches or denominations. What is a church, it is a group of people that have banded together to worship in the same way, following the same interpretation of the scriptures. Now the members of each individual church will likely feel they are following the right or true way, and hey, maybe there are. It is not for me to say one way or the other.

I am a Christian and yet I question when Christianity proclaims itself to be the one and only way to get to heaven. I believe all churches are good (exclude a few wacked out cults calling themselves churches) teaching and helping people to live good lives. So many churches leading you on a slightly different path to heaven, to me that can only say there is more than one path leading to the Pearly Gates. I believe in a very loving God. A God that loves all of his children, being every single person on the earth. I love my daughters with all of my heart but I know my love for them is minute compared to that which God has for us his children. I am certainly not trying to compare myself to God, but I think of myself as a father. If my daughters are coming home for a visit, do you think I really care which route they are taking to get here, as long as it is a safe and I can hope an enjoyable one.

For me the words “GOOD LIVES” say it all. The lives we live are our pathway to Heaven. I just can not fathom anyone that has lived a good life being turned away from Heaven’s Door. Does it even make sense that the Loving Father would turn away a child from his door simply because the child didn’t travel one particular route to get there? I just can’t even begin to imagine that.

Another Bill stat, about 75% of the world’s population are non Christian. There are as we all know many other faiths in the world. As far as I know, all with just a few exceptions are working to help all live, good, loving  and productive lives. Huh, in general terms doesn’t that sound a lot like Christianity. Helping people live good lives, doing the best they can on a daily basis. How can this be a bad thing? It can’t as far as I can see. If all of the other great Faiths of the world are then good things, couldn’t they possibly lead to Heaven? I think so.

When I get to Heaven I know it will be full of people of every race, color and religion, no exceptions.

Now I don’t even have a Bill stat for this one. But there are a lot of people that aren’t actually practicing any form of religion or faith. Good people, living good lives but have let faith or worship fall by the wayside. Will they be welcome at Heaven’s Door, of course they will. I believe they will be just as welcome, children coming home that chose just a little more difficult route to travel in getting there.

If there is any “judging” to be done I believe it will be done on the love contained within your heart.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Female beauty is ageless

August 27, 2008

I woke up with a very strange thought running through my head a few days ago and that thought seems still to be running though my head. Because I woke up with this thought. I imagine I must have been dreaming something but what I can’t remember or even imagine. I woke up comparing a woman to a tree. I can just picture my family rolling their eyes with that one and wondering where is he going with this.

Now, I have to be clear to begin with. First off there is no way I would or could literally compare a woman to a tree, the very idea sounds ridiculous and is just plain ridiculous. I have nothing but great love, respect and admiration for every member of the female gender, all a goddesses in my eyes. I believe God set out to create his greatest master piece of beauty and achieved it in our females. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!

Now really the only comparable that can be really seem between a woman and a tree is that both are master pieces of beauty created by our Heavenly Father.

Let’s get to the tree part. Use your imagination if you have to. Picture yourself walking through a forest. You are surrounded by tall magnificent beautiful trees. At first as you walk you are overwhelmed by the overall panoramic beauty of what you see, just a virtual sea of beauty revealing itself before your eyes with each additional step of the path. Ultimately you return home your mind just boggled by what you have seen.

It is in the early spring and the leaves have just budded out and are a beautiful shade of light green almost a lime green color. You make this walk a daily event and as you venture out more and more you begin to take note of individual trees as opposed to just the overall view. You see that each is perfectly and magnificently created and are just as God wanted them to be. You also note that no two trees are exactly the same, again exactly the way God wants them to be. Some are taller, some shorter, some have more branches, more leaves, some are wider around the trunk. You see some are evenly slightly differently shaped because of the way the branches have formed and spread. You see, admire and respect the differences, knowing each tree is unique and beautiful in its own way. As the season progresses you see the very color of the leaves is beginning to change. Changing from the light green to a deeper fuller shade of green. You appreciate the change but see that it does nothing to affect the overall beauty of the tree. It is still just as beautiful just more mature, in a tree way. The summer passes and fall advances. You now begin to notice another almost miracle of nature as the leaves begin to change color again. This time taking on the most beautiful shades of yellow, reds, oranges they are absolutely stunning to look at. People will actually drive for miles just to see this stunning sight and take pictures of the beautiful trees in all their glory. When you look close you can see some of the leaves are actually “sagging”. But none of that detracts but instead only adds to the beauty of the tree. Is the tree still beautiful to look at, at each of the various times? Yes!!!! Does it change over the season? Yes!!! But nothing detracts from the beauty at any or all times, irregardless of how advanced we are in the season.

I am not sure how well I did it but I have tried to paint a picture showing the changes in the “seasonal” life of a tree. Of how it retains it’s beauty throughout. Yes, it changes but at no stage is it any less beautiful than it was before. The picture might change, the beauty does not.

This is actually the only comparable I do see between a woman and a tree, the picture may change but the beauty does not.

Ladies you are God’s most beautiful creation, His greatest work of art. You are picture perfect no matter your age. You are at this moment exactly how God created and intended you to be. Society seems to have somehow come to the conclusion that for a woman to be at her prime she must be young and skinny, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. You are at your prime at your most beautiful right now, with no exceptions. God doesn’t make mistakes, if He had wanted you to look any different than you do right now, He would have made it happen. Be proud of who you are and how you look right at this moment.

How often do I read of hear of beautiful women, those that have years of experience at being beautiful, suddenly fretting that they no longer “have it”. It seems to me anyway that most women feel they have to have the face and body of an 18 year old forever. I just ask one question, WHY? If you are not 18 why would you feel you need to have the face and body of an 18 year old. Beauty can change but it doesn’t go away.

I write about enjoying life which is something I wish for all. If we become obsessed with out outward appearance so much can be lost. Ladies I challenge each and every one of you right now to go and really look in the mirror. Look at the beauty in the face you see looking back at you, age or nor anything else can ever change that.

To all the guys that like to look at a beautiful 18 year old young lady. Hey I am right there with you. She is gorgeous, no doubt about it. But really look and you will see so is the 19 year old the 20, 21, 22….35,36…53,54…68,69…80 and 90…. year old lady.

I know I am writing about physical appearance which really shouldn’t even be considered in the over all picture. It is what is inside that counts, I believe that and will be writing more about it in the future.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Tech Advice

August 25, 2008

I have been off line for the past couple of days due to computer problems. All is corrected and I am back and running. Will be answering comments.

Many know I am not very computer smart and often struggle with different issues. Over time many of my blogging friends have come to my assistance here on the site and I thank all.

I am finally in a position where I can return the favor and pass on some “wise” computer info, lol. “DON’T SPILL COFFEE ON YOUR KEY BOARD”, your key board won’t like it. lol. Naturally, being a guy I had to try and fix it or at least dry it out inside and see if it would work then, No. Bought a new one and am back. I was surprised to find how much I missed being able to come on line and read messages from friends.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Proud Citizen of the World

August 23, 2008

Maybe, I am not your stereo typical guy, in that I am not a huge sports fan. I just don’t have any desire to spend hours glued to the TV watching football, baseball, basketball or even hockey. But ever 4 years that changes when the Olympics roll around. I am suddenly irresistibly drawn to the TV to watch any and all the events that I can. I am in total awe of each and every athlete as they show their athletic abilities in their various events. I marvel at the dedication, the determination and the work that each and every one has put in to get them to the point where they are now. The thousands of hours of work and training they have put in to prepare for this time. I admire and respect every one of them irregardless of the country they come from.

I AM A CANADIAN and very proud of that fact. I am proud of my country and I suppose there for it is natural that I do cheer for Canadian athletes.

Now I am not really sure if it is because I do seem to see things slightly differently on a lot of occasions since my health issues have arisen or what. But, this year, it seems I am viewing the Olympics with a different mind set.

I admit there is still a large part of me that wants the Canadian athlete to win. But, more and more I am coming to realize, I really don’t care which country the winning athletes are from. When watching the events on TV, they usually show a quick flash of the athlete, who usually wave to the camera. During this brief introduction it is mentioned which country the particular athlete is representing, fair enough as each is there proudly representing their own country. I realized my attention was drawn more to the country being represented than the individual participant. Think about it, how wrong is that.

I have always liked watching the Olympics and I am sort of embarrassed to admit but back in my younger days, I often found myself cheering AGAINST particular athletes simply because of the country they represented. Had nothing to do with the individual competing, it was just I didn’t want THAT country to get any glory. How wrong is that? I lost sight of the fact it was an individual competing and not a country. In my mind I suppose I was penalizing the individual because of the country they represented. How wrong is that?

Now, I see the athlete, the individual. I both marvel at and admire the strength and determination they have to have worked so very hard. The years of training and very hard work it has taken to get them to this point. I see an individual that has put so much effort into making their dream come true. The dream of competing in the Olympics. Is that dream any less real to any of the participants, irregardless of anything? I don’t think so.

Last night I was watching the men’s diving off the high board. I found myself cheering for each individual diver as his turn came. I was hoping each diver would each hit that perfect dive and score 10’s. I saw individuals living their dream and I was cheering for them all.

Yes, I am a citizen of Canada and very proud of that. I have realized I am more than that, I am a citizen of this world and also very proud of that. I see the feats individual athletes can accomplish and it makes me proud to be a citizen of this world. Never again will I allow the country of origin to blur my vision of the individual. Maybe if we all tried to carry this thought, here at the Olympics yes but also in our daily lives. Could we even try to carry it over to people of a different faith or religion, I don’t see why not.

I am only human so I still do have my individual biases. There is still a group of athletes that I do cheer AGAINST. No countries athletes are exempt from being placed on my no cheer list. I hate arrogance. If I see any individual showing what I feel is arrogance in say a semi final, that individual will be on my no cheer list for the final. This is something that has just to do with the individual and nothing to do with countries of origin.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Dying from Embarrassement

August 21, 2008

Well I am back in the land of those that are able to sit comfortably. I have realized something over the past week. I have written in the past of how I think the topic of death and dying is almost like the last taboo topic left to us. It is something we just don’t want to think about or talk about.

I realize there is another topic that we or at least I am reluctant or embarrassed to talk about. Now never in my wildest imagination did I think I would ever be writing about my butt. I was kind of reluctant or embarrassed a little bit ago, to mention I was going for a colonoscopy (spelling???) and how I was dreading it. Now, I am a guy that has faced several major surgeries in the past up to and even including open heart surgery. Now, none of these did I dread as much as I did the very thought of the colonoscopy. It wasn’t even a fear or dread of what they might find. My dread was of how and where on my body the procedure was being done. Just the thought, “they are going to be shoving a tube way up my butt”. Now i like to consider myself a fairly strong man in that I can generally face what ever comes. But this really had me rattled. Just the thought, “they are going to shove a tube up my butt, yuck!!!!! They better be planning on giving me big time drugs or this just isn’t happening!!!!!!”

I want to thank the wonderful staff at Seven Oaks Hospital for their kind and considerate care. You were able to take one of the most uncomfortable times in my life and turn it instead into, one of the most uncomfortable times of my life while being surrounded by kind caring people. It was still YUCK, that is until the drugs kicked in. I am not sure what was in those 2 needles but they certainly had some powerful sleepy, happy juice in them. From there it was a breeze, no problem at all. Actually, the entire procedure was no problem at all, it was just me getting past that YUCK factor in my head. I have to wonder how many of us avoid seeking medical attention or avoid procedures just because of the “YUCK” factor? All medical procedures are done for a specific reason. In my case it was to allow the doctors, via a camera attached to the end of the inserted tube to see what was going on, way up in the hidden areas within my body. There are times when the doctors just need to be able to see what is going on in there. I suppose another option would be exploratory surgery to allow them to see your insides which I am sure would be worse.

I did a short post just stating I had gone for the colonoscopy and added some sort of comment that they had done a minor procedure while “in” there. I just listed it as a minor procedure as I now realize I was embarrassed to say it was hemorrhoids. Yup, turns out I had 4 of them and they were dealt with at the time. Whoa, I sure never thought I would be writing a post about having hemorrhoids. Why do I find that embarrassing? I mean I am not alone in this millions and millions of others have them, we just don’t acknowledge or talk about it, embarrassing?

Now I am certainly not trying to suggest that hemorrhoids, bowel movements ect. should become a topic of conversation at say the dining room table but hey if that is what you are comfortable with go for it. That just wouldn’t be within my comfort level. When I think about it though, I am sure no one would have a problem say talking about a broken arm or something. Really when I think about it we are just talking about a different functioning, important body part. I guess it all takes us back to the embarrassment of the YUCK factor, which obviously I can relate to. I do think though that we have to reach a comfort level where by we can at least talk to our doctors about any issues and not put them off unnecessarily.

I am really getting personal now, but I have known about those hemorrhoids for about 10 years. They were annoying and bothersome but I just lived with them rather than face the embarrassment and the yuck factor of dealing with them. I put up with them for about 10 years and now after the procedure is done I can only ask my self why? Why did I put up with them for so long?

I am just an average guy no different from anyone else. I therefore assume that to one degree or another many others may share my nervousness and embarrassment of the YUCK factor when it comes to anything relating to or having anything to do with our butts. I can only imagine that there are people that may actually be dying, simply because they are adverse to some particular “embarrassing” medical procedures. I hope and pray not. Medical tests done on a timely basis can be life saving. I pose this simple question, are you willing to maybe even die to avoid a little embarrassment. I hope not.

OK, I have embarrassed myself by writing about my experience. I hope someone may take my message to heart and go and have what ever tests are needed to be done. I can now speak from experience in this particular area. Colonoscopy no big deal at all, hemorrhoids are a bit more of a deal, but only a bit more. Just uncomfortable sitting for a while, but then hey, I am an admitted wimp.

When I really think about it what was there to be embarrassed about. My procedure was nothing new to the medical staff at the hospital, they had seen it all before. It was new to me, but not them. Another things hits me, why be embarrassed, I poop, you poop and so does the doctor doing the procedure. If he/she isn’t embarrassed why should I be.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – God at work

August 21, 2008

My friends all know of how I do love to receive emails, be they messages, jokes or the inspirational or special sayings that touch my heart.

I received just such a touching email, it is just to beautiful not to share. As with most such messages I don’t know its origins to give due credit the the writer. Here is the message”

I heard a story of a man on business whom I will never know, but I know God wanted me to hear his story.

He was head of security at a company that had invited the remaining members of a company who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share their office space.

With his voice full of awe, he told the stories of why these people were alive and their counterparts were dead.

All the stories were just little things. .

You might know about the head of the company who got in late that day because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning.

He took the various means to get to work, but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive.

So, Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone… all the little things that annoy me… I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things.

A Tiny Voice Inside

Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for…

THAT’S GOD… He talks to you through the Holy Spirit.

Have you ever been thinking about somebody that you haven’t seen in a long time and then next thing you know you see them or receive a phone call or letter from them…

THAT’S GOD… there is no such thing as “coincidence.”

Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn’t even ask for, like money in the mail, a debt that had mysteriously been cleared, or a coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you wanted, but couldn’t afford…

THAT’S GOD… He knows the desires of your heart…

Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it is going to get better, but now you look back on it…

THAT’S GOD… He passes us through tribulation to see a brighter day…

Do you think that this E-Mail was sent to you by chance?

I was thinking of You!

Please pass this along and share the Power of God…

In all that we do, we should totally give HIM thanks and our blessings will continue to multiply.

This message was sent to me by a close friend and please pass it on to all of your good friends.

Keep this going for an eternity.


Keep smiling……. It’s one of the best advertisements for God… it makes people wonder what you’ve got…..

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – More support please

August 15, 2008

I am very gratified and my heart is warmed to see the loving comments of love and support being left for my dear blogging friend Jo. Over the past several days Jo has shared the tragic events unfolding in the life of her family. I ask all to please continue with your prayers and to please continue leaving Jo loving comments of support.

Jo, please know my thoughts and prayers are always with you. I may not be on the computer much for the next several days to share my thoughts and feelings with you, but in spirit I am right beside you.

Yesterday, was a day I have been dreading for more than a year now. Sad when I think of it as it shows the wait times here in Manitoba for a medical procedure. I have been waiting for a colonoscopy (spelling???). Well yesterday was the day. I was dreading it not so much because of the procedure but more on the area of the body they would be doing it on. Why do we feel uncomfortable talking about “that” part of our body, really it is just another body part, but at least I do feel that way. So let’s just say during the colonoscopy they did a bit of an added procedure. Admittedly a very minor one but one that does make sitting quite uncomfortable and leave it at that.

I will be back in a day or two.

PS. I am coming back to make a small addition yesterday’s post. I have had several emails expressing concern over my comment about the minor procedure as I didn’t really clarify what it was. I hadn’t meant to alarm anyone so I will clarify. The minor procedure was dealing with hemoroids, which is the part that is causing me the discomfort and making the sitting difficult. Another one of those embarrassing things to talk about.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Special Prayer Request

August 11, 2008

I ask all for prayers today please.

Over a year ago a dear blogging friend Jo shared the painful journey her family was going through as her cousin Terry neared and then reached his time of passing. Jo shared here on the blog and we did exchange many emails at the time and well still do.

I do believe it and have said it so many times, “It is much much harder on the family left behind”. Jo’s so tragic story of her cousin and family just proves that belief to me. Terry was a young man in his 40’s when he was taken and left behind a grieving wife and 4 small children. Occasionally, Jo has updated me on their progress through the grieving process. Even blessing me by sending me a picture of Terry, wife and the kids.

Under my post of yesterday I received this further comment from Jo:

“On a sadder note, I may be a little less on the blog every day. Tomorrow is 12 months since our dear Terry Boy passed away. Today his kids found their mother who had tried to commit suicide. This is so terribly tragic. The kids are so traumatised. The two eldest have been struggling so hard over the last 12 months. Little Britty who is 8 now, just won’t talk to anyone. And Mitchey who is 9 tries to be the man of the house, but he has just crumbled. Anyway Jen has been readmitted into hospital, and the kids are going to be put in foster homes, so I am on the band wagon to get them down here to live with me. Thankfully I have a very patient and understanding husband, who wants no less for the kids. Unfortunately though, because I am a cousin, and Terry has passed, I don’t get much of a say, and foster home comes first before me, which I think is disgraceful. Jenny has to give permission for them to come, and I’m not quite sure where she is at in her head at the moment. Mum is heading up there tomorrow as that is the only person Jen said she will speak to. Please keep your fingers crossed for me, that we can bring these littlies here, to give them some love that they so desperately need. Thankfully the two little ones don’t quite understand what is going on, but apparently they are acting out very naughty, but geez, I think I can deal with that. Just asking for some prayers to be sent over for these gorgeous little souls that so desperately need them.”

Jo’s message says it all. Jo and the family live on virtually the other side of the world so there is really nothing I can do but ask for prayers for all and from all. PLEASE!!!!!!

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Still learning/still growing

August 10, 2008

Yesterday really wore me out. I was in bed extra early and will no doubt be taking good advantage of my nap time today. Feeling good, no problems like that or anything just tired and worn out.

I really want to thank my dear blogging friend Mel for reminding me of something I know and do belief but occasionally I obviously forget. This is I suppose a prime example of the power of words. Mel, reading your comment yesterday had a great power and healing affect on me. I thank you and am so appreciative of you sharing your wisdom. I really needed to hear that at that moment to “wake me up”.

Here in Winnipeg we had what can only be described as a hate group announcing their intentions to come to disrupt a funeral. I have said so many times that I do believe any death is so much harder on the family. A funeral is such an intense time of grief and mourning for the family and loved ones even just plain common decency should dictate they be allowed to do this in peace. Thoughts of death, funerals etc. strike kind of close to home for me on a very personal level with my health issues.

Ask anyone that knows me, I am a very calm, relaxed, mellow sort of guy and allow virtually nothing to really get to me. The past few days though has taught me that I do indeed have buttons that can be pushed. Hearing of the intent of this group in fact pushed everyone of them. I ALLOWED this to really get to me and sent me on a rant. My last blog post is but a small example of my rant. I had the phone lines burning. I phoned the offices of: the Prime Minister of Canada, the Premier of Manitoba, the Mayor of the city of Winnipeg, countless government officials and police departments. They all heard my thoughts on this. Now understand when I say rant, I never yell or scream, curse or swear, I just get my message across in a very open and I hope clear way. I do believe I was right in doing all of that and given the same circumstances would do it all over again. When I believe something is wrong, it is wrong and I will do what I can to try and fix is, even if it is only a few phone calls. I admit it does give me a bit of a sense of satisfaction or something knowing I at least did something anything is better than nothing at all. I feel that if enough people do just a little bit and you then add up all those little bits you get a whole lot done.

Mel wrote of her own terrible experience with possibly the same group as she was attempting to help others affected by a tragedy. Now, Mel’s entire comment was excellent but one line in particular jumped out and hit me.

“I did vowed to not let them ‘live rent free in my head’. Other people needed my energies and my attention.”

That line hit me like a ton of bricks. That was exactly what I was doing. I had allowed this group access into my head and was allowing them to stay there and even dominate my thoughts. I was letting them win, I was letting them get to me on a very personal level. Based on their bizarre actions, I can only imagine that this is exactly what they want to happen. Draw attention to themselves gain publicity by doing the unthinkable, staging a political protest at a funeral.

Well they got me as did they accomplish their goal with countless other Canadians. Off hand I can’t recall a time when such a small group has stirred up such a frenzy in such a large group of Canadians virtually the entire country. Really that is pretty sad when I think of it.

I go to the second sentence or Mel’s comment:

“Other people needed my energies and my attention.” My thoughts and prayers go to the grieving family. How tragic to have a son murdered and then to have to try and deal with all of this in your time of grief and mourning.

I have to wonder to myself, this whole episode stirred up so much public reaction and a lot of that reaction was on the negative side of the scale, as was mine. I have to wonder what could we do to stir up the same amount of reaction but somehow have all the energy directed in a positive way.

I had several surprises come to me through this time.

First, that my buttons can be pushed to this extend and that I would react this strongly to a situation. I thought I was past all of that sort of thing, allowing things to really get to me in this way. I like to consider myself a spiritual person and my reactions here really wouldn’t indicate that. I guess I have to cut myself a little slack and appreciate, I am only human, I am still leaning and still growing.

Second, I was truly surprised to learn that there is a group that represents themselves as being a Christian church and can have such hate based beliefs. This has been a real eye opener for me. I think it is almost to easy to just be tempted to brush them off as just being a group of extremist, fringe element lunatics and don’t represent the majority. They don’t represent the majority so just ignore them, fair enough. Are we as tolerant of extremist, fringe elements of other faiths. Now let’s just take the Muslim faith as an example. Now I am certainly not trying to imply they would but let’s just use this as a comparison. Let’s just suppose it was indeed a Muslim group that did EXACTLY the same thing as this supposed “Christian” group was doing. Would we be as openly tolerant? I pose this just as a question, as I don’t know.

Third, I was saddened to see how quickly this seemed to turn in to mud slinging contest, Canadians vs Americans. I have heard and read some hurtful and just plain ridiculous comments going back and forth from both sides. Geesh, what can I say, shake your heads people. At some point in history someone drew a magic line on a map to separate Canada and the U.S.. A line on a map is all that separates us as people. As countries we have different views at times. I am talking a people, a line someone drew on a map is all that separates us. To all my American friends because of simple geography like it or not you are “stuck” with us Canadians as neighbors. I repeat exactly the same thing to all Canadians because of simple geography we are “stuck” with the Americans as our neighbors. I mean “stuck” in a respectful and joking way. When it comes right down to it we are all just people. Let’s not let a line drawn on a map separate us.

The power of words is a wonderful thing. Mel, I thank you for sharing yours with me. I needed to hear them, I am still learning and growing. Mel, I also learned from you and while I do admit it was almost grudgingly I did include “ALL” in my prayers.