Dying Man’s Daily Journal – How can I help you say good bye

I happened across a song by Patti Loveless. The lyrics just really hit me. How do I help you to say good bye? I copied the lyrics from google, hope I am not enfringing on any copy right laws if so sorry.
I am really feeling worn out and tired. Maybe a bit of a pity party going on, I am tired of constantly feeling tired. I see the Heart Failure Clinic on Thursday. The new medication doesn’t seem to be doing a lot. Heart rate is still galloping away. Still have the almost constant chest discomfort. To describe it as pain would be over stating it. It is more a quite noticeable uncomfortable feeling. I think if that level O’s discomfort was coming from any other area of the body, you could almost just ignore it. Knowing it is from your heart makes it harder to ignore. Last few days the “discomfort” level has been a little more than other days and just has me thinking.
Came upon this song. The lyrics reflect some of my thoughts.
Suggestions anyone/everyone

PATTY LOVELESS
How Can I Help You Say Goodbye Lyrics

Download “How Can I Help You …” Ringtone
Through the back window of our ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on wavin’ till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears I asked again, “Why we couldn’t stay”

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

I sat on our bed he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling we both were cryin’
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away

I called up mama and she said
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Sittin’ with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes and then squeezed my hand
She said, “I have to go now my time here is over”
And with her final words, she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same”

And she said, “How can I help you
To say goodbye, it’s okay to hurt and it’s okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye”

Read more: Patty Loveless – How Can I Help You Say Goodbye Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Songwriters
TAYLOR-GOOD, KAREN/COLLINS, BURTON

Published By
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
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Read more: Patty Loveless – How Can I Help You Say Goodbye Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Me, an answered prayer?

I had a very unusual experience yesterday. We live on a quiet residential street. We have lived here for about 11 years. Over that time period there have been 4 or 5 occasions when a home has sold.
As soon as I see the new neighbours, I always make it a point of stopping over, introduce myself and welcome them to the neighbourhood. Vi always has some baking of some sort in the freezer. She fills up a plate with goodies, I take them as a token welcome gift. OK, yesterday it was a loaf of banana bread.
The house across the street just sold and yesterday the new owners arrived and over I went.
The Lady of the house (memory guy can’t remember her name) answered the door. She seemed, I am not sure, surprised I guess to see me.
I just introduced myself, welcomed them to the neighbourhood, told them how nice the area was………
Now, I was only there for 3 or 4 minutes. I have turned to leave and she said words to the effect: “wait I have to tell you something. I was just in the house saying a prayer. I was praying that our new neighbours be nice. I had literally just said amen and the door bell rang and here you are, welcoming us”.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – heart still whacky

Had the appointment at Heart Failure Clinic. New medication hasn’t worked as hoped. Explains why am not feeling any better. Dosage being increased. Being referred for a different type of procedure used to stop at atrial Fibrulation. Heart rate while at rest still in the 120’s. It speeds up, slows down with very irregular beat. Beat twice, miss one, beat 5 times miss 2, just can’t seem to decide what it wants to do.
This new procedure they are scheduling me for is different. I have never even heard of it. I am reading up on it and will post more about it. Cardiac ablation.
Our hearts as do our entire bodies are run by electrical impulses/messages sent by the brain, telling the particular organ what to do. The wiring in my heart is shorting out. This is an added wrinkle to the existing condition. Not dealing with this greatly increases chances of a stroke.
I will post more as I get a better understanding. But in a nut shell, they go in and actually destroy some of the healthy heart tissue. This being done to regulate the electrical impulses part of the heart, regulating the speed and regularity of the beat

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – MRI from the patients view

Heart rate is still in the 120’s while at rest. Causing minor chest discomfort. Very tired and short of breath. Taking the additional new medication for 4 days with no noticeable effect. Back to the clinic on Thursday where situation will be re-evaluated. I think it is a side effect of the medication. Would be over stating to say I am feeling sick, just not well.

An MRI is something I think we have all heard of but how many have actually experienced it. I had one and thought I would describe the experience. I don’t know if procedures vary but this was my experience.

An IV is put in your arm. At some point a dye will be injected to help with the clarity of the pictures. I was told when the dye was going in through the IV but felt nothing from it.

The MRI machine looks like a long hollow tube. The inside lining of this tube is a mass of specialized cameras, you are not even aware of them. Although they are quite noisy. Provided ear plugs take care of that.

You lay on this long stretcher type bed that is used to slide you into the machine. During the procedure it is important you lay still so as not to blur pictures. My MRI was on my head and neck. My head and neck were totally immobilized within a rigid neck brace with towels packed in the sides to ensure no movement was even possible. Next over my face was placed what I can only describe as looking like the “gridiron” face covering on a football players helmet.
All set and in you go into the “tube”. Took approx. 45 minutes. All you have to do is lay perfectly still. That is it nothing more to it than that.
No problem right. I think this is all in my head but as soon as I was immobilized in this way, my nose began to itch, then my chin, my cheek and you can’t scratch that itch, that can drive you crazy.
Now just await news from the doctor.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – AFib

Had my appointment with the Hear Failure Clinic yesterday. Timing was good. My heart has gone into Atrial Fibrulation. Simply put, the electrical wiring in my heart is short circuiting. Heart rate and rythem totally out of wack. It is skipping beats, very irregular and seems to think it is in a race of some sort. While at rest it is beating in the range of 120-130 beats per minute. This could well account for the consistent chest discomfort I have been feeling. Not being angina pain from the blockages as thought. Medication change, will hopefully deal with it. Will be monitored weekly as new med kicks in. Dosage may need tinkering.

MRI, later today for brain tumour. With MRI tumour they see easily, the brain they sometimes have to really search for.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Our Life is in our minds

At different times I have been asked about “life Lessons”I have learned on this blogging journey. I have stated that learning these lessons is one of my goals in doing all of this.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about this and have put up a post or two about what I have learned. Here we go again:

I believe this physical body of ours is but a shelter to house our spiritual being while on this earthly journey. This is hard to explain. We dwell in our bodies but our existence is in our minds. Our minds control our thinking, our feelings and how we see or perceive our world and the world in general. That which is contained within my mind becomes my own little world, my reality. It is where I “live” in that this is where all my thoughts and feelings are experienced. Does that make sense?

We are human living in a very imperfect world. The more we live life the more our brain is impacted by what we see and experience in the world around us. Every experience can leave a permanent mark or lasting impression. Those lasting impressions can settle so deep down in our minds aren’t even aware they are there. Life experience affects us, changes us, be it for the good or the bad.

I am not sure why but it seems negative experiences impact us or our thinking more than do the positive or at least have a much longer affect. Even unknowingly we begin to view the world differently. Our eyes see it the same but our minds can interpret what we are seeing differently. Even unconsciously those deep buried past experiences surface just enough to alter our clear thinking of that moment.

Life lesson for me have been doing a deep self probe. I know I have a lot of useless negative garbage buried way down in my mind. I need to deal with it get rid of it, let it go.

In your physical home on this earth, if it was filled with useless garbage causing you nothing but problems. What would you do with it, well throw it out naturally. If our mind is our Spiritual Home should we pay any less attention to cleaning it out?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

Well this is a big week. Heart Failure Clinic on Thursday. MRI on Friday, checking to see what the old brain tumour is doing. See the diabetic specialist next week.
Overall feeling pretty good. Chest discomfort is easy to deal with as majority of the time it is at a low enough level I just try to ignore it. If I think about or dwell on where the pain is coming from, my stress level can rise. If that happens generally pain level usually increases. With the heart pain management is the focus. It isn’t generally that bad so really nothing to manage.
Having some issues with my balance. Not sure if that can be related to the tumour or possibly the diabetes and neuropathy that came with it.
Will be interesting

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – What makes me more special than you!

What makes me more special than you? Absolutely nothing.

What makes me more important than you? Absolutely nothing.

What makes my thoughts or feelings more valid or important than yours? Absolutely nothing.

What gives me the right to believe that God would love me any more than you? Absolutely nothing.

Because of my culture, ethnic background or even gender, what makes me more important than you? Absolutely nothing.

To honestly be able to feel in my heart has proven to be a big life lesson for me. I have always known those answers in my mind but knowing it in your mind and knowing it/feeling it in your heart are completely different.

How to explain this. I have never out right though of myself as being either more or less important or special than anyone else. All people irregardless of anything are equal, people are people. All should be shown the same respect as we would hope to be treated ourselves. OK, pretty straight forward so far and hey, I am a nice guy. I would not intentionally mistreat anyone. I am sure most reading this would say the same about themselves. But, are we always as nice as we like to think we are? How to explain?

We don’t like having anyone butt into or interfere with our own little worlds. A prime example that comes to mind is telemarketers. They call interrupting our planned time. I have heard people talk about how ignorant or rude they were to that caller. Laughing, I don’t think they will be calling back after what I said to them. I have heard numerous comedians telling jokes about how they treated these callers. Haha.

I have come to think of the telemarketer at the other end of the line being subjected to this abuse. Here you have a person doing a job that I imagine they don’t enjoy that much because of this abuse but it is the job they have and are just trying to do it in the best way they can. Just trying to earn a pay cheque and feed their families. Am I so important or special I can be so rude. I don’t think so. We are all just trying to get by. Earn a living and raise our families.

I came up with a whole list of things here. Getting frustrated in a slow moving store check out line. (My time is obviously more important than those ahead of me). Avoiding eye contact with a street person……. Back to topic.

Reading the paper, watching the news it seems like there is more and more war and conflicts happening virtually all over the world. So many deaths so much suffering and why?

It seems to me there is a lot of the I am better than you thought process going on out there. Or my beliefs/culture/nationality/ancestory is better than yours. So sad. People are people above anything else, no exceptions period.

In all my years as a banker, I would imagine I dealt at some point with some one from every cultural background, every Religious background, the rich, the famous, the powerful and the homeless. Irregardless of any of all that. When you are sitting across the desk from any of them, what do you really have. Just another person sitting there. Circumstances may vary but it is just another person sitting there, no different than me.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Not feeling so good

Last few days haven’t been feeling so good. A lot more chest discomfort. It is almost constant to one degree or another. Doctors always as the level of pain on a scale of 1 to 10. It seem discomfort at about a 1 level has become my norm. Just enough that you can feel it pretty good.
I go through 4 or 5 episodes a day when that level goes up to about a 4 on that scale. A couple of shots of nitro spray takes it back to that level 1. I am OK with that for who know? Maybe 3 or 4 hours and it happens again.
Have an appointment with the Heart Failure Clinic next week. They have in the past told me, there is nothing they can do other than help manage the pain. There is a surgical option that at best would alleviate some of the pain, but that is all it would do. I can easily live with it as it is so am not considering that option, at least at this time.
A good point to note is when doctors are talking or asking about chest pain. It is not just pain as we consider it to be. It can be a tightness, a squeezing, heaviness really any unusual or different feelings. I’m a little slow, I think, back at the beginning, if asked about my pain level, I thought pain was pain. I may have said I have no pain (by my definition) and I didn’t. I may well have had a heaviness or squeezing sensation and just didn’t associate that as been under their definition of pain. That is important.
Energy level is zero. Some of that could be do to the very and humid temperatures we are having, really affects my breathing.

What are you going to do next/life lesson

So very often I hear or read something that hits home with me. I jot down a little note. Sometime later I come across that note. The message has just as much meaning it is just I can’t remember where I got it from. I often post it without due credit being given. This time is a little different. I got this from a TV show and can give that much credit. Actual writers sorry don’t know.
Blue Bloods is one of my favourite shows. It is a cop show but has the added twist of showing strong family values. That I appreciate most of all.
Memory guy here, I can’t remember the exact story line leading up to the quote that hit me.
I think it was that one of the family members was feeling down or guilty over something that had been done or not done. The character was confiding father figure in the family (Tom Selleck). I can’t remember so I am sort of paraphrasing the first part. “Well what has been done has been done. We can’t change that. The important question is WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO NEXT?”
The more I thought about those words, what are you going to do next? I realized for me anyway they contained an important life lesson. What are you going to do next?
I have to wonder how many people can honestly say the are 100% satisfied with there lives as they, 100 satisfied or at peace with all past action. Are we stewing, fretting or feeling guilty. The longer we carry these burdens the heavier they get. So I ask, what are you going to do next