I am up extra early this morning it is about 4:30am. I woke with the choking unable to breath sensation. All part of the sleep apnea I suppose. I don’t wake with the same panic I used to but it still wakes me up pretty good. I am so lucky to have the luxury of being able to nap through the day.
Yesterday was a good day, I had my thick head on and off for most of the day but not to bad. something seems to be affecting my balance. I have actually fallen but often find myself doing the little stumble step thing or grabbing on to something. I have to almost laugh as I say this but I hope if I do fall I am smart or lucky enough to find somewhere soft to land. Back before they put me on the medication for the epilepsy, I fell 4 different times. Now wouldn’t you think even just the law of averages would say that at least one of the 4 times I would land on something soft. Nope. Finding myself with my face on the floor of a public washroom had to be the worst. Yuk.
Yesterday, I wrote about visions and dreams. I received several comments on that, all of which I appreciate. One memtioned how it seems we are reluctant to talk of such things until the time is right. That seems to be so true, but so sad at the same time. Now I never have had the priviledge or the honor of having an Angel appear to me or speak directly to me or anything like that. I wonder though, if such a miraculous event were to happen, would I have the courage to shout it to the world. At such an event I should be shouting it to the world “I saw an Angel” or “an Angel gave me a message and this is what it is”. I really do think I would be telling the world or at least anyone that would listen. But then I think, if I heard anyone else saying exactly the same thing, my mind would be full of doubt. I might think that person was either dreaming, hallucinating or even just plain crazy. If I were the one delivering the message I am sure many would think the same of me.
If such a miraculous event were to happen to me, at the time I am sure I would be just bursting with love, joy, happiness…. But then at some point my human mind is going to kick into gear. Would I begin to question what I had seen? My human mind trying to rationalize it, I must have been dreaming. I do believe in Angels, but of all the people in the world, I can’t believe an Angel would chose me. I must have been dreaming. I must have been dreaming so I am not going to go out and make a fool of myself in front of all those other people. Why would I care what so many others may think? I suppose that is one of those special events that you really don’t know how you will react until you actually experience it, if indeed you are so fortunate