Dying Man’s Daily Journal – talking to/understanding the dying

September 29, 2013

Had an appointment yesterday that, I found very helpful and thought provoking. I have been attending the Wellness Center to improve my overall fitness level. Recognizing I have a few serious issues going on I was offered the opportunity to speak with a psychologist. I have long since accepted I need medical help just to stay alive and I am willing to take that help from any medical source.
I have always worked with the thought I have to be as honest and up front with the doctors as possible. They are working to keep me alive. The more accurate the picture they have of me, the more accurate is likely to be the treatment plan. How can they possibly be expected to treat you if they only have a part of the picture as to what is going on.
OK, being with the psychologist, his questions pertained to feelings, emotions…… Now answering these types of questions is much more difficult. What percentage of the time do you feel…… In all of this there is no right or wrong answers, just how situations/feelings apply to me/you.
It was very good prodding questions that really got me thinking and brought about a greater understanding for me.
Over the years I have encountered numerous health issues mot particularly relating to the heart. Now I am thinking here of my 5 heart attacks. Now each heart attack damages heart permanently damages heart muscle. Yes, there are the various medical procedures that can restore your functioning to the point you feel great, modern medicine is a life saver for which I am so very grateful.
I am getting way off track here. This would apply to any terminal or debilitating illness.
As your health declines we learn to adapt to what has become our new norm. A few cycles of this adapting to our new norm and it gets to the point where we don’t even know what “real or health norm” feels like. Based on my decreased normal. My good day may by the standards of others be a terrible day. How are we able to communicate thar

Dying Man’s Daily Journal _ training for the Olympics

September 22, 2013

Now that I am attending the gym regularly for my “my hardcore” work out, I must be just whipping myself into top shape.

Now I haven’t quite decided which will be the event, I will very like “dominate”. But it will be in the racing group of events. Now I am sure all the other athletes out there are nervously awaiting my decision.

With my vigorous training I have established my base line or starting point.  Now I do realize my stats require may need a little working on.

Training stats to date . I walked 1/2 mile, picture me strutting around chest puffed out, hitching up my pants. Yup, I was out there just strutting my stuff. In one way I almost want to stop the post right here, I mean anything else, how important can that be?

OK, it was an on indoor oval track. The track has rest stops that I may have utilized on occasion. What does that leave, oh, I guess the time it took. Well that stat isn’t all that important. No wait if I am training for the Olympics, time may become a factor. I clocked in at 40 minutes. Geesh, I better pick the training up a notch. Lol. 40 minutes for the 1/2 mile. Hey it is a start

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers

September 18, 2013

It must be hundreds of times I have said, when it comes to a terminal patient, it is so very much more difficult on the family. Forced to sit back helplessly as a loved one suffers. Yes, we can fuss and putter around trying to find even the smallest little thing.

Really there come a point where we realize it is of no avail, there is nothing we can do. The agony of the feelings of helplessness is devastating. We can watch daily as the life force slowly drains away.

I don’t think we can ever really be prepared for the end. We may have even to some extent be able to rationalize in our heads. “It will be for the best he/she is suffering so much.” None of that really prepares us for the jolt of emotion that will hit us when that final moment comes. In that moment our lives are changed forever.

I did a very quick post last evening requesting prayers for our dear blogging friend Dorothy. I wanted to get something up as quickly as possible even though I knew I wouldn’t have time for a proper post.

I looked back over the comments left here and came across this one posted by Dorothy in January. So full of love, hope and joy. A portion of her comment:
,,”it so happens that just this past month we past the six month mark,,thats how long they gave my Jim back on June 16th 2012,every day i wake up and can enjoy his face it’s a Marvel to me”.

Yesterday I received an email from Dorothy, which with her permission I am sharing:

Just wanted to let you know My Jim passed away on Sept 10,it was a long struggle as we sort of had the esophageal cancer wopped but cancer is a sneaky disease and it went into his brain and set up a lot of tumors there we did the whole brain radiation and just when you think you are one leg up it went back down to his paritineal lining and that was the last draw,,His body could no longer take the strain so we did the hospice thing. which was absolutly horrifying as he did not want to go to the hospital so i took care of him at home and again gastly is the word for it,,I watched him decay and the life leave his beautiful blue eyes,,and i am so lost right now.the house is so empty. I miss him

I responded to her email offering prayers and support. This is her reply:

Yes and thank you my friend,,albiet my prayers haven’t worked for me lately,,no prayers have,,my faith is shaken right down to the core as i struggle for a rope to grab on to,,anything to keep me from drowning i’ll take it at this point.i simply don’t know what to do with myself..i know to get up out of bed,,i know to go eat somethingmy sister came and stayed a week with me after his passing and at least got me focused on that,but,,it seems such a strugle to automically move around it’s almost like i’m animated,,i suppose it’s like some kind of shock i guess,but how can that be i knew this was coming,,

Dorothy my heart aches for you. My prayers are definitely include you and yours.

I ask for prayers and loving supportive comments

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers Please

September 18, 2013

I ask for prayers please for Dorothy. Dorothy has in the past shared with us of her husband Jim’s on going battle with cancer. I received an email from Dorothy, her much loved Jim, has lost the battle. She is in tremendous pain, feeling at a loss.

tomorrow, I will have more time and will share more. Prayers Please

Dying man’s Daily Journal – Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Stephenson

September 17, 2013

Oops. I was poking through my draft posts and came across this one. I thought I had published this about a month ago. Must have hit save instead of publish or maybe I intended to add more can’t remember. Better late than never

In our travels we were honoured to have been invited to attend the wedding of much loved cousin Lori, daughter of my cousin Carol.

I know I won’t have the words to adequately describe how beautiful this wonderful event really was.

The ceremony itself was held outdoors in wonderful park. The day was perfect. Now to say the bride was beautiful is such an understatement, she was drop dead gorgeous. The groom equally attractive as guys go. The entire bridal party, the setting everything was perfect.

Now by my standards it was a hot day. Vi and I were kindly provided with seating in a shaded area, it was wonderful.

Now the wedding reception was nothing short of awesome.


There was the usual time of socializing before hand. Can’t recall the name of the MC but he was excellent. The formal part began. It was a huge hall with a large doorway through which a grand entrance could be made. We are all seated as the MC introduces the wedding party as each couple in turn enters and is seated. The big doors are closed as it is now time for the introduction of the bride and groom.
Well,such as can be with live events, timing can sometimes be a little off. The bridal party is seated and the MC receives a text message. Oops, Lori and Joe are running a little late but will be there as soon as they can. The MC is obviously flustered, not sure what to do. It is quickly decided a slide will be presented to keep us entertained. On the side of the hall were two huge screens.
What followed turned out to be an absolutely hilarious video. It began showing the couple at home, noticing the time and going into a panic realizing they would be late. What followed was the hilarious epic of their heroic efforts to get to the hall ASAP. It showed them doing everything from running down the highway, carrying each other on their backs, attempting to hitch hike. It showed numerous modes of transportation. The video ultimately showed them arriving at the hall seated in the back of a farm truck. The video continued showing them running into the hall and up to the doors through which they would make their entrance. As the video ended there, the doors opened and they made their entrance. Amazing, great job.
If I have one complaint, it would be about the food. Now the quality, taste everything was perfect. It was buffet style and the quantity was staggering and everything I tried really was amazing. OK, my complaint everything was so good my tummy filled up before I even got to sample everything offered. Picture me like Homer Simpson, stuffed to my limit and there was so much more I hadn’t even tried.
Old gimpy here never made it to the dance floor but did spend a great evening socializing
Congratulation Lori and Joe. May every day of your lives together be as wonderful as you wedding day. “May the very best day in your past, be not nearly as good as the worst day in your future”.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

September 15, 2013

I’m sorry to be so far behind in responding to comments. Please know I do read, appreciate and treasure every one of them. I am not sure how I can be so busy doing really nothing. Days just fly past. I have actually been trying to write a post, one that is very dear to my heart. I have said it before I am not a writer, I am a rambler. When I do try to actually compose/write a post I find myself going in circles get frustrated and decide to try again later. I am going to give that post one more go, if that doesn’t work, I give up on that idea. I am going to just sit down with the idea in my head and let the rambling begin. What comes will go up as the post. Huh, thought just hit me. Maybe I do that going in circles thing when I ramble on. I never read the posts. Comments YES, my own posts never.
I have started the exercise program at the Wellness Center. It is much as I had expected. I am walking on an indoor oval track. There are people at all levels of fitness, every size and shape.
I am very glad they are giving me some degree of flexibility allowing to push myself at least a little.
Any chest pain is an automatic stop. I wear a nitro patch which helps a lot with that.
Breathing is the other key factor. Walk until until my breathing is such that it affects my breathing. There are 4 rest spots set up around the track and I do make use of them.
At these rest stops I chat with others as they are taking their breaks. All are very nice. There is one lady that is very annoying. OK, I am totally joking when I say that, she is very nice. Here is what is annoying. She walks with the assistance of a walker. I say it is fantastic she is out there on the walking track. Are you ready for this she lapped me out on the track

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Gift of Life

September 8, 2013

Many times in the past I have asked all that may read this, for gifts. Those gifts have always been for random acts of kindness. It never matters the size of the gift or for whom it is done. All that matters is that from the gift be done from the love and goodness contained within our hearts.

Over the years I have been offered numerous different blogging awards, material gifts and all sorts of things. I am very honoured at all such but in each case have, I hope tactfully declined and not offended anyone. Maybe I am living in my own little world or some thing. A thought just hit me, if I  am well it is my world and this is my blog. In my world what I write are my thoughts of the moment and come from my heart with no expectation of anything in return. If I started accepting awards of recognition or gifts or what ever would my thinking begin to change, I don’t know. Now comments of loving support I do appreciate. Comments from those in need of support are always welcome.

Today is different. I am coming to you requesting a very specific gift that will indeed have it’s impact on me.

I have written of my cousin Joe and his on going battle with cancer. I learned last evening he has been transferred from the regular ward to the paliative care unit. He requires regular blood transfusions just to keep him alive. Here comes my request.

His son, my nephew also Joe Howdle on his Facebook page has made a request for people to go out and donate blood. He can truly understand the importance of this as his dad is one of those that regularly needs transfusions. Since he made that request which would be read by his Facebook friends 58 people have stepped up answering his call.

I am very proud of Joe (jr) for doing this. It is such a good cause. One that literally saves lives. Can you think of a greater random act of kindness. One donation can help as many as 3 people in need, possibly saving their lives. I ask if an opportunity to possibly save 3 lives were suddenly put in front of you, would you take. I would guess yes. Well that opportunity is right in front of you. What are you going to do now.

Now remember lives are at stake here and one donation can help 3 people. Now I can hear some of the excuses coming: “I know it is a good cause and something I have been meaning to do but I just never seem to have the time. I would ask you to just think about that for a moment. You are saying I know I can help, even save lives but I just haven’t got around to doing it, hmm

Or, I am afraid of needles. OK, fair enough. If you saw 3 people laying in the street dying. If you knew some how by getting a needle in the arm it would save their lives. Would you still be as reluctant to do it? I think likely not. It seems to strike home with us if we can see personally the person in need As opposed to it going to some unknown stranger in a hospital somewhere.

Personally, I have received the donation of platelets from 4 unknown strangers. To those 4 strangers I say thank you with all of my heart.

can we get on this please

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

September 8, 2013

Not a good day, feeling down, lonely and just plain worn out

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

September 7, 2013

This morning I was out doing my front step sitting and saw something most Canadian’s dread. I saw a large V formation of geese flying south. Why do we “dread” seeing that? It is considered one of the first signs of the end of summer meaning winter is approaching. It almost seems complaining about the weather is like a national pass time. It is amazing though to see how when we are speaking to a tourist, especially from a warmer climate how that complaining switches to bragging. We are proud of what a tough and hardy bunch we are. Picture me strutting around chest puffed out, hitching up my pants. “You think this is cold, I remember a time when I was a kid. Had to walk a mile to and from school (it was uphill both ways). I was wading through snow up to my waist. I was bare foot and wearing nothing but my fathers pj’s. Yup, we are a hardy bunch.”
OK, now that might have been a slight exaggeration.
Yesterday, Vi ended up getting a C scan from her mid abdomin down to her toes. The vascular surgeon feels she may have lower back issues in addition to the blockages in her legs. If that is the case it will then become a matter of which issue ie dealt with first. Results expected Tuesday. Prayers please

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

September 5, 2013

Yesterday, I started a big ramble on how life is but a series of choices. More often than not where we find ourself in life today is the direct result of choices be they good or bad, that we made in our yesterday’s .

While exceptions are rare, there are indeed some. I think of my cousins cancer even my own brain tumour. How do you explain situations such as these? For the life of me I can’t  think of what poor choices I may have made in the past that may have brought that about..

it took me a long time, a lot of deep thinking to come to a conclusion a realization. I have a list of ailments that at times seems  at times very difficult to deal with. It took me a while to accept some times bad things do happen to good people. That is Life. That I know of no one has ever said life would always be fair and easy. Just that it is so worth it, if we do our part and put in the effort.
I believe in a loving God that loves each and everyone of us equally, no exceptions. As I came really realize and accept the equally part, I realize that in God’s eyes I am no more or less special than is anyone else. There for why should I expect to be treated in any “special” way by maybe being excluded from the per centage of the population that suffer from any ailment.
I am not trying to pretend I know all the answers. I just know what makes sense to me.
We may not always like the hand life has dealt us. How we play that hand is the gift of life we chose to give ourselves or not.