Dying Man’s Daily Journal – A Team to make a difference

The power of one is great, the power of many is awesome. I think that is a wonderful thought and so true. I am stealing those words from my good blogging friend Kelly.

Kelly lives in Pasadena California and is rightfully proud of her city. Usually, she write about happenings in her life, about the city, the usual personal blogging stuff. The difference with Kelly is that when she sees something going on that needs addressing she is willing to try and do something about it. Not just stand by watching things happen but try to do something. In a recent email Kelly described herself was wanting to feel like a part of a great team. What team is that, the team of wonderful, good people who are trying to make a difference. Currently, Kelly is writing of graffiti and gang tagging. I am surprised she is actually getting some comments back from some that support graffiti, hmm.

My point is, it really doesn’t matter what the cause is, there are millions of good causes out there. But, as individuals are we doing something, doing anything to try and make this world at least a little bit better.

I read something to the effect, real evil in this world can only happen when good people stand by and do nothing, allowing it to happen.

Through our my life I know I have been very guilty of this. I ask this, how many times have we seen or read or heard of something happening. Something tragic, sad or even unfair, our hearts go out to whom ever and in our minds we think, someone really should do something about that. We sadly shake our heads and then carry on with what ever it was we were doing. We complacently wait for someone to step in and deal with or correct a wrong. We wait until one of those “wrongs” happen to us. Then what do we do, likely jump up and down screaming “why didn’t someone do something to prevent this sort of thing from happening to me. THEY could see it was only a matter of time before this sort of thing happened, why didn’t THEY do something before it happened to me.” I wonder who is this mysterious “they” or that elusive “someone else” actually is?

When something happens to us, we are all so quick to lay blame and point fingers at others, they should have done something, or done something more and this might never have happened. They are all to blame.

So who are “THEY”, we all are. For every other individual, I fall into the “THEY” category, as do all or the rest of us.

That thought sort of changes my perspective. I am part of the “THEY” group that didn’t do enough or likely didn’t even try to do anything, hmm.

As an individual can I do everything and be everything to everyone. Of course not, but as an individual I can at least try to do something. Can any one person change the world, I believe yes. How by acting as the catalyst or the spark that ignites others into action. Blogging is but one way to get that spark out to ignite others. I read so many blogs of others doing this in their own way, each so wonderful. Kelly is but one example, I salute you all.

Could there be any more satisfying way to leave this world when our time comes, than knowing we did our part to make it even slightly better. Making the world a better place sounds like quite an onerous task, but really is it? The world becomes a better place with every act of kindness, with every good deed. As I sit here and think of it I realize there are millions and millions of ways we can each help to make the world a better place. Everything no matter how small can make a change, when you think of it. Picking up a piece of trash off the street, recycling even one can. OK, recycling one can in the overall scheme of things may sound pretty small. When you think of it though even something as seemingly small as that has made the world a wee tiny bit better place.

Back to Kelly’s statement “the power of one is great, the power of many is awesome”. Kelly I want to be on your team trying to make the world a little better.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Another comparable to dying

I am feeling pretty good today other than just really drained. Hey it is summer time, all my energy seems to have taken a bit of a vacation. Here in Winnipeg we are experiencing a heat wave with high humidity. That really adds to the breathing issues. I suppose I shouldn’t complain to much now as it will be all to soon and we will be facing temperature in the -30’s and I will save my complaining until then.

Zero energy results in cheating on the blog again and reposting a portion of a previous post. I have copied it exactly as it is and I imagine my heart hasn’t leaned to spell any better than it could yesterday.

Portion of previous post:

Came across an interesting thought the other day. I am not sure I must have read this somewhere or something. I don’t remember, maybe having so much time to just think I maybe dreamed this up all by myself.

This requires a little use of your imagination. Now try to imagine this. Imagine if we could talk to an unborn baby, a baby all safely tucked away in its mothers womb. We could tell that baby about all the wonderful things that are waiting for it after its delivery into this world. We could tell the baby about the loving parents that are awaiting its arrival, of how much it will be loved by sibling, by grandparents and lots of others. All, just waiting for the baby to arrive. We could describe the wonderful world the baby will be coming into. The marvels of growing up, maturing and starting a family of its own. Oh, there are just so many wonderful things we could tell the baby about.

Now lets use our imaginations again and try to imagine what might be going through that baby’s mind. Fine, it is being promised it will be greeted by many people that will love it, care for it and nurture it. Fine, it is promised a world filled with wonderful things, but try to imagine what might be going through that little baby’s mind. All it has ever known is the safety and wet warmth of its mothers tummy, where it is nurtured and cared for. Do you think the baby might be reluctant, inspite of all the promises, to leave the comfort and safety of the only home it has ever known. Do you think, maybe that baby would be just a little scared or nervous about entering this world. From the stories I have heard of the difficulties, some ladies have in labour. It almost seems like some babies don’t enter the world to willingly. Almost like they are fighting to the end, to stay as long as they can, in the safety of that womb. But, fortunately for the human race, after about 9 months God and mother nature step in and the baby is forced into this world.

I like this thought and take comfort in it. I think our time on this earth can be compared to the time the baby is in the womb. We are comfortable here and don’t want to leave. We are reluctant, inspite of all the stories we hear of the loved ones, that will be waiting for us and all the glories we will see that are beyond our imagination. Most of us are like that difficult child birth, fighting to stay where we are for as long as we can. We fight to stay, until God steps in, and ultimately forces the situation.

I know, I fell into the reluctant catagory for a long time. I definately, can’t say I am eager for the day to arrive so I guess I still fit in the reluctant catagory. But, I am no longer reluctant in the same way, there is no fear involved. It is a reluctance to leave my loved ones behind. Knowing my reluctance is not based on fear but on missing family has proved a great sense of calm or even serenity.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – My thoughts on dying

I am not feeling all that spry today, just my wonkie head and very tired.

Recently a good friend asked me to read back over some of my older posts. Now this was something I had never done. Comments I will go back and read and reread but not my actual posts. I suppose it could be said my writing is from the heart as I do my prayer routine and type what ever comes into my head. I type it and bang hit publish. Reading back like that I can really see my heart isn’t a very good speller and not so good at grammar in many cases. Ah well, what can I say it is my journal.

As I am not feeling so hot I am just going to repost something I wrote back in I think it was October.

“The more I think of it and read about dying, the more I realize and the clearer it becomes in my head. One of the main feeling we or at least I usually have for the dying is one of sympathy or pity. Oh, poor Bill, he is dying, how tragic.

Now let me make my thoughts on this very clear. Sympathy and pity have NO PLACE in my world. Sadness, OK. Sadness, only because we will be parted temporarily and will naturally miss each other.

With my memory these days I am never sure if I read this somewhere or if this is my own thought. I just know this helped me tremendously when my mother passed. I loved my mother dearly and still do and always will. I hope I can find the right words to really express what I am trying to say.

Use your imagination and try to picture this scenario. By some chance your loved one get a chance to go on a fantastic voyage, say a year long cruise around the world. You know your loved one would have a fantastic time, the time of their lives. Lets further suppose, the trip has already been booked and nothing short of a miracle will stop them form going. How would you react?

Would you be there, being lovingly supportive in their preparations for the voyage. Hoping and praying only for their happiness and well being. It is a given that you will miss them. You are comforted knowing you will see them again and out of love, make the choise to put their well being ahead of our own. I mean it would be so unfair to hope or think they should miss out on such an opportunity just because we will miss them. We joyously help in their preparations spending quality, happy time before they leave. Tearful good byes are said hugs are exchanged and off they go.

Or, Even though you know the trip is booked and that they will have a wonderful time, do you react differently. Even selfishly, out of our own fear of missing them and being lonely, we feel miserable. We cry and maybe even try to talk them into canceling the trip, “you can’t go I will miss you to much”.

Through our own selfishness we want to deny them the trip the joy, the happiness that would come with it. They are leaving anyway, but we have turned what could have been a joyous farewell into a time of personal sorrow for ourselves. Could this even dampen or harden the departure of the loved one as they will be leaving, possibly worrying about how we will make out without them? I don’t know.

I used these thoughts on the passing of my dearly loved mother. I wished her joy and happiness until we meet again. Did that remove all the sadness no, but it definately helped. With her passing my mother went on a wonderful voyage and I do miss her but I know I will be seeing her again

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Tragedy

Yesterday, I wrote of a tragic story, the beating of a toddler. He celebrated his second birthday in the intensive care unit of the hospital struggling for his life. He had been severely beaten suffering massive head trauma. I asked for prayers for the little guy and thank all that did so. After fighting the good fight yesterday, he passed from this world. I know he is in a much better place with our Heavenly Father, but it is still so sad.

I did not know this little man or anyone directly involved at the time but the whole story just breaks my heart. I can relate in that my own precious grand daughter is within days of her second birthday. I see how precious she is but also how small and defenseless she would be against an adult attacker. This poor little guy was in that position, totally defenseless. My heart bleeds for him.

Life is so precious, our children so defenseless, I just don’t understand. Again I ask for prayers please. Please include the foster family that loved and care for him until several months before this tragedy.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayer Request

There is a saying I have heard, you can’t keep a good man down. I am not sure how that applies to me, the good man part, but I am back on my feet and up and running again. lol. OK, the running may be a very slow walk but what ever, I am back on my feet and back on the computer. Posts may be short, but I am hoping to be back on a daily basis. If I do miss a day or two here or there not to worry.

I have checked my email and see some very special ones I will be commenting on. I do thank all.

For today, I extend a prayer request. I received this request from a very dear friend and am passing it on. Here in Winnipeg there is currently a very young toddler desperately clinging to live in one of our hospitals. This innocent young child was subjected to a sever beating in which he sustained massive head injuries. How anyone could do this to one of our precious young ones is beyond me. Prayers for this innocent child, Please.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Help with flowers

Haven’t been able to get to the computer to much in the past few days. Combination of not feeling well and appointments. Saw my family doctor yesterday, my blood sugar levels are higher than he likes. Plus, I am being referred to another different specialist. Getting checked out for an entirely different issue. Appointments and tests are being set up. Will likely talk more about that when I really know more.

I am so far behind in replying to comments, I will never get caught up. Will do a post just thanking everyone.

I have often written on how, Vi is such a avid gardener. She loves her flowers but is facing a challenge. With each change of location or move, many of the plants get moved also. Over time some of the names have been forgotten. We currently have one such unidentified plant. All gardening friends have been asked and she has spent time going through her various books but just can’t identify this one. Can anyone tell us what this is? Photographer maybe didn’t do the best job but I won’t identify him so as not to embarrass myself,haha

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Funerals/grief

I thank everyone that has taken the time to share their thoughts on funerals and the whole grieving process. Grief is an individual very personal thing. No two people will feel it or deal with it in exactly the same way. I may share similar experiences and may be able to relate to what another feels, but I can never share their exact feelings. Dealing with this grief becomes therefor and individual thing to be dealt with by each in their own way and that way to be determined by the individual.

It is so interesting reading the comments left here on the blog, the opinions of individuals and broad generalizations about how different cultures view death and the grieving and funeral processes. Again I thank all that left comments and ask many more to do so. All are welcome. It would be so interesting to learn of how other cultures and other faiths deal with it and feel about it.

I have to wonder, how much does society, our faith and our culture play in or affect the way we as individuals chose to grieve? Absolutely understand, I am not trying to say one way is the right way or better than another, they may just be different ways. Will there be sadness, absolutely. The loss of a loved one changes your life, your life as you know it will never be the same. Will we carry on with life, of course we will and yes, it may be difficult at first. But, we will get past the grieving and our lives will take on a new “normalcy”. My dear mother passed away 15 years ago, and I still love her and at times still miss her as much as I did when she first passed. There is a void in my heart that will never be filled. I move on and see and concentrate on the other spots in my heart that are over flowing with love. This love can keep us going.

So back to my question, does or if it does how much can society, religion and culture play in how we grieve.

I pose this question to all. Can our very society dictate to some extent how we grieve and how much we grieve? The only comparable I can think of, on the impact of society, on many individuals is young women. Sadly many seem to think, thin this the only way to be beautiful or to be more accepted and literally starve themselves. Fitting in and doing what is thought to be right by some outside standards can greatly affect us. In our grieving processes, I ask, could this play a part? I mean if we don’t publicly display the “appropriate” amount of grief could we be afraid of being seen as cold or uncaring? Could societies expectations, that, on the loss of a loved one, I should be devastated possibly even cause me to magnify my feelings to fit in, I don’t know.
For me, it is my faith, my strong belief in Jesus, in God, that largely determines and reflects in my thinking. With the passing of my much loved mother, was I sad, absolutely. Was I devastated, no. I know I will be with her in a better place when the time is right. Until that time she is in such a wonderful place, it is in some ways almost not hard to be happy for her. I have no doubt the is in Heaven.

But that is my believe system. Would the grieve be even more intense of painful, if I was filled with fear because of my very own beliefs? If I feared she was not in Heaven would not that magnify the hurt?

I hope many more will respond to discuss different cultures. I do not know but imagine different cultures have different traditions and beliefs.

Different ways of doing things are just that different ways. None are necessarily better or worse, just different. What is best for on is not for all. It comes back to the individual. Can we share these beliefs with each other?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – So funerals have to be so sad

A big congratulations to my dear blogging friend Sister Julie. She has a double celebration going on. A one year anniversary for her blog and an amazing 200,000 hits. Sister Julie through her writings is such an inspiration. If you haven’t visited her site, you really are missing out.

I have been asking myself, do funerals have to be sad, or at least sad to the extent we often see. I know there will always be an element of sadness with the passing, the loss of a loved one. That is understandable and perfectly normal. I do sometimes wonder though, we as a society are so much affected by the expectations of fitting into the norm. What is the norm for a funeral. It seems great sadness, shows of grief and such. I am not a doctor or a man of the clergy and as such can speak with no authority and am only expressing my own personal thoughts and preferences. I am very sure open displays of grief as we see are very therapeutic for many and help in the healing process. If it is a helpful tool for those left behind, excellent I am all for it. I certainly mean no disrespect to those grieving. Grief is a very individual thing and what ever form works best for you, it the way to go. When there is a loss of a loved one there will always be sadness and grief, I know that.

Still for myself and within myself I have to wonder, is it the only way to get closure? I don’t know.

I have long had the thought in my head. “mourn not what you have lost but instead celebrate what you have had”. I do think this is an excellent philosophy to apply to all things in our life. Good advise, easily said but so difficult to put into practice when it deals with the loss of a loved one. this is a thought though that did help me tremendously at the time of the passing of my mother. This is not to say, I wasn’t sad or grieving, it is just that it did help me.

I suppose largely, it will depend on your individual view of death and what follows. At the time I had absolutely no doubt in my mind she was going to a much better place. I still do not question that thought at all. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss her. I can’t help but be happy for her (sad for me) knowing she has indeed gone to such a wonderful place and that when the time is right I will be with her again. Again, words so easy to say, but so difficult to appreciate when in the midst of grief.

Largely, I am not fearful of what lies ahead for me, a little nervous maybe but not fearful. My dread and fear comes in when I think of the loved ones I am leaving behind. I so desperately want them to all have good happy lives. I never want them to ever have any pain or grief in their lives. OK, I know that is an unrealistic hope as some pain and grief will come to all. I can only hope I am not the cause of any of it. Yet it is inevitable when I pass there will be grief and sorrow.

I am certain in some way, in some spiritual form I will be able to attend or look down on my own funeral.

What would I personally prefer to see. My family and friends all gathered in great sadness, in obvious pain or a reasonably happy group gathered to reminisce about our happy times together. Celebrating and I hope appreciating our time together. Laughing telling jokes even if they are at my expense, I certainly know I have given every one enough to be able to come up with some sort of a joke about my often silly ways. Celebrate what we had, instead of mourning what is lost. The loss is only temporary.

I am not sure how this transition from the physical to spiritual works, but I can’t help but think I may be aided on my way knowing, my life gave reason for a celebration.

Maybe, this is a final act of selfishness on my part, I don’t know.

I ask for comments. Can we turn a funeral into a celebration of life? Would doing that take away from the healing process of the families?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – funerals

Had a real lazy day yesterday, just lounged around and really did nothing. Hey that is not far off my normal day. I am, it seems constantly going for various blood tests etc.. Results all to to my doctor and usually I never get any results until my next appointment. Yesterday his office phoned, he needs to see me, oh oh, that can’t be a good thing. Will phone today and set up an appointment.

I wonder how much time most people spend thinking about funerals. Very little, if even any I would imagine. Sadly, at a few times in our lives we attend one, when a loved one passes over. As it rightfully should be, most of our thoughts are with our grieving and sorrow. Paying our respects and saying final good byes. I have luckily had to attend very few funerals in my life time, but have on occasion viewed them as events that must be endure, and I just want them over with. Grief is such an individual thing, for me, at first I just want to be left alone. Let me think on this, digest this new development and then I will be ready to talk.

I have heard it so many times funerals are the living and not actually for the deceased loved one. I absolutely agree with this and have said many times it is so much harder on the loved ones left behind. I am all for anything that will help those left behind. The funeral may be a good place to let emotions out, to find some degree of closure. I don’t know how all that psychological stuff works, but what ever it takes is a good thing.

There is an issue I have be wrestling with in my mind of late. I know this is my human mind, my physical mind grappling with issues beyond my understanding, while at this physical level. I just can’t fully understand or appreciate the beauty and purity of the love contained with in the spiritual world.

Example, I don’t know how it all works but I believe after you have passed over, you are still able to look back here into this physical world and even be here in a spiritual form to comfort loved ones. In a spiritual form you could attend your own funeral or at least watch from above.

I know when in spirit form we will be of pure love and goodness, absolutely no negativity. My human mind just can’t grasp that concept. I know this in not correct but in my mind I keep thinking even while in Heaven, if you looked down say at your own funeral and suppose not one came. Wouldn’t you be just a little disappointed, now I know this is wrong even as I say it. Just one of my human thoughts and weaknesses.

I wonder about my own funeral, when that time comes. Over my banking career, I have moved many times from location to location and have made friends everywhere I went. But all seemed to be short term friendships, I seemed to move on to a new group of friends with each move. When my time comes it will be interesting to see who attends.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Feeling Down

Yesterday and today we seem to be getting a break from the high temperatures and very uncomfortable high humidity. Makes breathing so much easier. Yesterday, was one of my big “pee” days so I have my wonkie head going on. Today, I am feeling kind of down. I am not really sure why, I suppose everyone is entitled to one of these kind of days every once in a while.

I want to say a special thank you to Simonne and all that left the so kind comments and words of support for Vi. It is nice to see her recognized as she is an earth Angel. I think that some time later today, she or possibly both of us will be sitting down to write individual responses.