Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Two Ways to look at things.

June 30, 2009

A positive attitude is everything. In virtually every situation there are 2 ways of looking at things. One more positive, one more negative. Well I am being put to the test on that one today.

Took the car into the garage today for a simple oil change. That oil change is turning out to be really expensive over $500.00. Turns out while in the garage the ignition seize, key just won’t turn in the lock,hence obviously the car won’t start. Require a new ignition to be installed. To be clear I trust the garage completely. I am sure it was merely a coincidence that it happened while there.

OK, it hurts getting an unexpected bill for $500.00, but I am a lucky man. The igition is a mechanical part that can wear out just as can any part. I would still prefer it had not happened, but think of it. If it had to happen what better place could there have been for it to. Right in the exact spot where they can fix it. I am a lucky man

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I am responsible for my life

June 28, 2009

Something has really been made clear in my mind over the past several months. It is clear because I realize I have been doing it.

I am a bit of a hypocrite in that daily I pray for God’s will to be done in my life. I pray for that because that is what I would like to be. Could there possibly be a better way to live your live than by God’s will. I don’t think so.

Even knowing this, when things don’t go exactly according to “my” will or the way I would like them to go, I can get a little pouty, throwing myself a poor me party. It can be a lot easier having one of those parties than it can be to leave it.It is so easy to get into the mindset, “my life would be so much better, if only…….”. For each of us individually there are dozens of things we can point at and say, “if only”. If only this hadn’t happened or that had happened. I only he/she hadn’t done this or had done that. If only I had more money. The list could be endless. Why does it seem it is so much easier to focus on the negative than the positive? I am not sure, could it be it makes it easier for us as humans to deal with our lives if we attach blame to someone or something for any problems we have in life.

I seen now that by playing the blame game we are abdicating resonsibility for our lives. It is sort of like, “my life sucks but it isn’t my fault”. Maybe everyone needs to just take a moment an think to themselves, “Who’s life is it?”. It is mine and it is my responsiblity to deal with it and to live it. Many may try to tell me how to live it, but when it comes down to it, it is my life and I must live it. Ultimately, it is up to me, I must make the choices for my own life.

Well I finally left my pity party and gave the door a good slam on the way out.

I suppose if I were to have a mantra for life it would be, there are always 2 ways you can look at everything. I know I have written about that many times in the past. Here are some of my issues and the spin I have chosen to put on them.

It could be, poor me, I just had my 5th heart attack. OR, hey I survived my 5th heart attack, am I ever a lucky man.

Poor me, my physical limitations mean I can’t even cut the grass anymore. OR, hey, OK I can’t cut the grass as quickly as I once could. What was once maybe a 30 minute job now takes all day. I do it in bits and pieces with lots of breaks thrown in. I get to spend a nice day out side. It isn’t like I really had anything else planned. So what’s the big deal.

Poor me, I have lost a lot of my physical strength. OR, when I was a little younger I used to lift a lot of weights and was proud of my physical strength. What did that get me, when ever someone needed help moving something really heavy, who did they call? Hey, now I get to just relax at home.

Poor me, my live expectancy isn’t as long as I would like it to be. Well that kind of sucks no matter how I look at it, BUT, the key word in that phrase is expectancy. No one know how long I have any more than is know how long anyone has. What is important is, I am not dead yet that I do have this moment,. I am responsible for living my life and that is what I am going to do, live it rather than endure it.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Spiritual Health

June 26, 2009

Happy to report, our friend Grant had his pacemaker successfully installed the day before yesterday. He was discharged from the hospital yesterday and today is making the 6 or 7 hour drive home to The Pas where they live. Many thanks are said for the prayers that assisted him through this journey.

Asking please for continued prayers for Vi and her wrist, which she broke several months ago. It is noticably crooked and causing considerable pain. Saw the doctor yesterday. He says it was a very complicated break and to wait another 2 months to see how it continues to heal. Considering the only other option is surgery which he states isn’t always that successful, we are not sure if it was good news or not.

I recently heard a comment that made me sit up and pay attention. There was a day not all that long ago, that hear this sort of comment would have had me jumping to my feet, hackles up to argue this point.

What did I hear. “Religion is nothing more than a crutch the weak lean on in time of need and they only turn to it in time of need. In the times when they are too weak to deal with life on their own.”

Hmm, what to say about that. Well everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it is different than my own. This is where that pesky free will thing comes into play. I disagree with your thought but respect you right to have it. Free will is indeed a gift from God and you are using yours in a different way than am I. There are many different pathes on this that I call the highway of life. Your path is slightly different than my own, but ultimately all pathes end up at the same destination.

I heard another saying that I thought was kind of cute: “don’t take life so seriously, none of us are going to get out of it alive”. Now isn’t that the truth. The differences in our individual life pathes can be tremendous but they still all lead to the same destination, the same fate, we are all going to eventually die. The greatest divide between people seems to be in beliefs as to what happens after death and how we should be living our lives in preperation for that.

There must be something like 6 1/2 billion people in this world. that means there are 6 1/2 billion different pathes being taken. There is no doubt with the great religions of the world many, many of the pathes will closely parallel each other and may seem to mirror each other. But, with the gift of free will, no two will ever be EXACTLY the same.

Free Will is a gift from God, given to each of us individually. Do I ever have the right to impose my will on others over that of God’s? No, I don’t. Now let’s be realistic and you know what I mean. This obviouly doesn’t include many things, criminal activity etc..

This may sound selfish but it is not. You must focus on your own path, your own growth and development as a person. You can’t help another unless you are healthy enough to do so. This doesn’t mean we are going to cut our selves off from others or the world. Of course we will still be there for others, our families even strangers, to lend a helping hand in anyway we can. It is just while doing this we can’t loose sight of or focus on our own development as spiritual beings.

As we grow an amazing thing happens. The more we grow spritually and emtionally the healthier we become. The healthier we become the more we can in fact help those around us. It is a double blessing.

Seem to have gotten off topic with the crutch thing. Too tired to tackle that now, will maybe try tomorrow.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayer Request

June 22, 2009

Very short post today. Requesting prayers for dear friends
Grant and Renee. We have the pleasure of Renee’s company, it is just not under the circumstances we would like.

Grant is currently in the cardiac care unit of a local hospital. His heart is alternating between stopping for a few seconds and then speeding up to unacceptable limits. It is expected he will have a pacemaker installed this afternoon time permitting.

A second request please for Vi. Several months ago she fell and broke her wrist. It is not healing well. It is crooked and causing a lot of pain. She sees the doctor on Thursday.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Happy Father’s Day

June 21, 2009

Happy Fathers Day to all the males that are truly lucky enough to become fathers.

For me the two most blessed events in my life have been the birth of my two wonderful daughters.

Today, here in Canada anyway, is a day designated traditionally for children to honor their fathers. I think that is fair enough, one day of the year to recognize how special our fathers are. In the same manner Mothers are recognized on their special day.

To me I think the specialness of the day should also be used by Fathers to recognize and think about their role in the lives of their children. Fathers appreciate the blessing of the children in your lives that make this day for you.

Billie and Shauna, you are the greatest blessings granted to me in this life time. I thank God for the priviledge of being your father. I love you both very much.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Spirit within Me

June 20, 2009

How many things have you heard being described with the words, “the more you put into it the more you will get out of it?” I am sure we have all heard this at least a few times. Often I have heard it relating to some sort of training course or learning opportunity. The more effort we put in the more we will learn and take away with us. Makes perfect sense to me.

How about in our daily lives? Couldn’t live in some ways be considered like a classroom? A classroom where we are continually given lessons to learn and problems to solve. In this class room are the “problems” really problems or are they additional ways to learn the lessons of life? I consider life to be one gigantic classroom where I am given ample oppotunities to learn about life, about how to deal with issues, about how to become a better and stronger person.

For me one of the biggest lessons in life has been the lesson on love. We all have it within our hearts. We have the desire to share it and to equally feel it coming back. Love truly is what makes the world go round. This magical feeling of love can seemingly be elusive at times, but it is all around us. To feel it we just have to open our hearts. A closed or fearful heart will not our own love shine through to the world, it will also close us off from feeling it being returned. A closed heart can sit bitterly on the sidelines watching live pass us by. An open heart is full of love and joy enjoying life rather than just watching it pass us by.

How can we open our hearts is by chance they are closed, or open then even wider as the case may be? We can do this by giving to others. It may be asked how can giving to others open my heart or do me any good at all. It warms your heart, it opens your heart for love to flow in both directions, simple as that.

Now, I am not talking the sort of situation where your are compelled or forced to give, that just creates resentment. I am talking about the sort of giving that opens the heart, the kind of giving that was not expected of us. The situations where we see we can help another person just because we are good and loving people, no reward or thanks is expected and is even declined if offered.

Through this giving, the simple sharing of love and kindness will reap such tremendous rewards for each of us individually. The warm loving, fuzzy feeling you can get inside. The feeling that comes from knowing, I did that, I did something nice not because I had to but because I wanted to. It is an amazing feeling, try it out, you will like it.

The size of these acts of kindness doesn’t matter, to whom they are given doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we as individuals did them because we could and we wanted to. It doesn’t have to be anything big, a single smile can light up the world, a few words or encouragement can change a life.

I have been asked do I think a single person can change the world and to that I answer, YES. Think of it, every single little act of kindness makes one small part of the world a better place, maybe even just for a moment or two, but we did make it a better place. If we each did our part doing even a bit, soon all those bits could add up to a whole lot.

Across the top of this page, you will see a row of titles, each represents a different page I have set up to go with the blog. Please check them all out. Today, I ask you please click on the page titled: Spirit within me. It will tell you how you can change the world

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – sense of community

June 19, 2009

I am really happy to see the blog evolving continually. It is and always will be my journal but has evolved to become something I see as almost being something akin to a community center. Friends meet and leave supportive messages for each other. I hope we can keep it up and that it will grow and grow as a safe loving place where all are welcome to come for support. Bless you all.

I was writing a post today when I took a break and checked email.. One contained such a beautiful message I just have to share it:


After 21 years
of marriage, my wife wanted me
to take another woman out to dinner and a
She said, ‘I love you, but I know this other woman

loves you and would Love to spend
some time with you.’

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my
Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my
three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner

and a movie.  ‘What’s wrong, are you well,’ she asked? My mother is
the type of woman who suspects
that a late night call or a surprise
is a sign of bad news.

‘I thought that it
would be pleasant to spend
some time with you,’ I responded ‘just the
two of us.’ She thought about it for a moment, and then said,
‘I would
like that very much.’

That Friday after work, as I drove
over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I
noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in
the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress
she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a
face that was as radiant as an angel’s.
‘I told my friends that I was
going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,’ she said, as she got
into the car. ‘They can’t wait to hear
about our meeting.’

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant,

was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm
as if she were the

After we sat down, I had to read the
Her eyes could only read large print. Half-way through the
entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother
sitting there staring at me.

A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

‘It was I who
used to have to read the menu when you were small,’ she said.
‘Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,’ I responded.
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary
but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much
that we
missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said,
‘I’ll go out with you again, but only if
you let me invite you.’  I

‘How was your dinner date?’ asked my wife when I
got home. ‘Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined,’ I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It
happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her.
Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt
from the same place Mother and I had dined. An attached note said: ‘I paid
this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but,
nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your
wife. You will never know what that night meant for me.

‘I love you, son’

At that moment, I
understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I love YOU’ and to give our
loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important
than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things
cannot be put off till some ‘other’ time.

Somebody said
it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby..
somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, ‘normal’ is history.

Somebody said you can’t love the second child as much as
you love the first… somebody doesn’t have
two or more children.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is
labor and delivery….somebody never
watched her ‘baby’ get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten… or on
a plane headed for military ‘boot camp.’

Somebody said a
Mother can stop worrying after her child gets married… somebody doesn’t
know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s

Somebody said a mother’s job is done when
her last child leaves home… somebody never had grandchildren..

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you
don’t need to tell her… somebody isn’t a mother.

this along to all the GREAT ‘mothers’ in your life and to everyone who ever had a mother.

This isn’t just about being a mother; it’s about
appreciating the people in your lives while you have them… no matter who
that person is!

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions,
they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your
character, for it becomes…
your destiny.

‘Be kinder
than necessary, for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle’.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Need attitude adjustment

June 18, 2009

The wonders of modern medications have proved themselves again as my infections have cleared up. All that remains is the lump on my leg from which it seemed to originate. I have my regular appointment with my doc. next week and will ask him about it if it is still there.

I realize after a lot of thought through the past few days, that I have fallen into on of the ruts I so often write about avoiding. I am not sure if it is complacancy or just taking life for granted. I am not sure, maybe just a little bit of poor me going on. Heart attack #5 took a lot out of me. It seems both physically and emotionally. Physically, I think I have mended and am adjusting to another level of physical capabilities. Emotionally, I seem to be struggling a little more to bounce back. By this I mean attitude. I have been dealing with this whole dying business for 5 years now and it can wear on you.

I remember years ago at some point thinking, “when it comes my time to die, I hope I am hit by a lightning bolt or something like that. Just so bang I am gone and don’t know it is coming, I don’t want to have to think about it or worry about it.” Hmm, not exactly what came to pass as here I am after 5 years and still thinking about it.

A positive attitude, a positive outlook is key to everything in life. I know that. With all of my other heart attacks, surgeries or what ever it seemed my overall attitude wasn’t affected this much. I was even told I wasn’t taking it all seriously enough. Generally, I was able to keep the positive mindset. Adapt to whatever and carry on as if what ever had happened was nothing more than an inconvenience in life. This time it is different and I don’t know why. Maybe, I just need to vent a little.

Now, I say I am struggling witht the attitude, but I know I will get it back, I just have to work at it a little harder. So this is my poor me post.

There is a saying, “fake it until you make it”, not sure if that works or not. But, tomorrow, I will be back full force. Helping others can be a wonderful healing tool. I am going to be hitting the “Spirit within me page” at full speed. Speading words and acts of kindness around the world.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Treating Strangers better than Family

June 13, 2009

I’m back after a few days rest. Medication is doing the trick and the infection in my leg is almost gone, all that remains is a lump from which it seemed to originate. Just as I was starting the medication a second one appeared. This one on my lower abdomen, well right where my belt buckle rubs against my skin. On my leg I do have an area that is totally numb to all feeling, not so with my tummy. So for the past few days I have been Mr. Droopy Drawers not wearing a belt.

All of this has taught me a good lesson or maybe reminded me of something I have been aware of for a long time. I am becoming less and less conserned about what other people think of me. What ever it is is their business not mine.

Here is a small example of what I mean. Because of my “ouchie” at belt buckle level, I was indeed Mr Droopy Drawers. Hey, maybe I was right in style with some of the younger generation as I was indeed showing off the top 2 or 3 inches of my underwear. I am around the house so who cares? Tighter pants with a belt would increase the ouch factor. Over the years I have experienced my share of ouch time and if I can avoid more I am going to do it.

Wouldn’t you know it, there comes a time when I have to go to a store in the Mall. Now what would be the sensible thing to do? Put on a belt to at least hold the pants up enough not to show off my underwear. It might be a little uncomfortable but not that bad. I mean what would people think if they saw me?

Well, guess what I did. Never even thought of a belt at the time. There was no danger of my pants actually falling off, just that I might show off some underwear. Now I did do my best to hold them in place.

When I think of it, I may have presented quite the sight, an over weight, bald guy holding up his pants. In fact though, did I get any “looks” from anyone? Don’t know, don’t care, never bothered to look around to see.

How much of our lives do we spend worrying about what strangers will think of us. Now I am talking strangers here. Why would I care in the slightest what a passing stranger might think of me? This is someone I have never seen before and very likely will never see again, why do I care what they would think? Obviously, I don’t anymore.

Why do we care so much what strangers think?

I think this is a scenario we can all relate to, or at least I can. Picture this. You have had a terrible day at work, you are in a foul mood and you are on your way home. Some how you have a chance encounter with a total stranger. This “encounter” may only last a minute or two for what ever reason it may occur. But, for that minute or two we push aside the foul mood and suddenly become very friendly and polite. I mean “we wouldn’t want a stranger to think badly of us”. That brief encouter is over, our foul mood returns, we go home and take it out on our families. I think we all do it, why?

I ask please for special prayers for our dear blogging friend Sarah.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Infections

June 10, 2009

Well I am back on what I hope to be a little more of a full time basis or at least that is my plan. Life so often seems to have a way of jumping up and changing the best laid plans. Hey, no one ever said this journey we call life would always be easy, not always easy but always worth it.

On the health side, I am feeling just fine. It seems that somehow I got an infection in my left leg. Us diabetics are a stingy bunch once we get a hold of something we don’t like to give it up. I think we take it a little over board when that includes things like infections. Ah well, the doctor has me on antibiotics. I have said so many times that I am such a lucky guy. Here is another example.

I have a spot that includes most of the left side of my left leg, from the hip to the knee that is totally numb. I have no feeling in it what so ever. Now that can be good or bad.

How can it be good? Well I won’t go into a lot of detail about this leg infection of mine other than to say it grew (spread) quite quickly. It looked quite nasty and it really had the look that says: “that has got to hurt”. Now picture me, hitching up my pants, sticking out my chest and strutting around saying: “Yea, yea I am sure that would hurt the average male, but not me.” So how can it be good? I had a really nasty looking infected sore and didn’t feel a thing.

How can it be bad? I had a really nasty looking infected sore and didn’t feel a thing. I didn’t even know it was there. Thankfully I saw it and sought medical help before it became worse.