Dying Man’s Daily Journal – random thoughts on life

August 31, 2013

No one truly appreciates the value, of time, until we realize we have little of it  left.

In the big picture race, colour, sex none of that matters. We are all just people.


– life is a gift from God, our lives are our gifts to ourselves.
– learn to deal with stress, it will follow us everywhere.
– don’t take things in live personally, the world does not revolve around you.
-one of our greatest strengths is our ability to adapt, one of our greatest weaknesses can be our ability to adapt
– life is the journey not the destination
– every moment of every day is a new beginning, the beginning of the rest of our lives.
– when we reach the end,, our value is not measured by material things or accomplishments but rather what is contained within the heart
– don’t take life so seriously enjoy the ride, none of us are going to get out of it alive.
Spend your time appreciating what you have instead pining for what you don’t have.
A positive attitude will carry you far, a negative attitude will just drag us down. Our minds our thoughts control our attitude
Just sitting here and started typing thoughts as they came to mind

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

August 31, 2013

As I sit here, my thoughts continually move to my cousin Joe. I ask that the prayers continue please.

he is back in the hospital. His body did not respond as well as hoped to the initial cancer treatments. He is back in the hospital undergoing the full chemo and radiation.

I was able to speak to Ev (wife) last evening. She says that they are holding up as best they can. All have come to terms with his condition. Their three children Joe (jr), Ryan and Stephanie are coping. Both boys live relatively close by and are able to see their dad more often. Steph on the other hand through marriage now lives in Australia, virtually the others side of the world.
Ev spoke of how appreciative of all the loving support, the messages the prayers being sent from just everywhere. She could not say enough good things about all the support from the extended family, being Joe’s siblings (my cousins) and the
Relatives on her side of the family. Home cooked meals are regularly arriving at the hospital. She gets home and the lawn has been taken care of. Her list just went on and on.
to the whole Howdle clan out there I am happy and proud to have you as relativesp>

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – a bachelor again

August 29, 2013

Vi flew to Toronto last evening. A wedding on her side, so I will be living the wild bachelor life fort the next week.

A couple of times a year, Vi leaves town for a week or so a couple of times a year. A few have questioned this.
Let’s be clear, I am good with that. In fact I encourage it. It is for various family functions that she goes and I just don’t want her missing out on living life because I am a gimp. Plus, flat out it gives her a break from our life reality. There have been times when she has run to the store or something. Coming home she has mentioned of times when a sense of gloom or something has come on her. To the point she has been nervous almost afraid to come in the house. Fearing she is going to find me on the floor. Her breaks are well earned, well deserved.
For me, I am fine getting around the house and all that, plus I wear one of those medical alerts. One push of the button and help is on the way.
So it is the wild bachelor life for me. I realize as circumstances change or expectations change. A “wild” day for me would I am sure rate as a extremely boring day for most.
I ask please for ongoing prayers for my cousin Joe as they are ever increasing the treatments in his battle with cancer

Dying Man’s daily Journal – I am dying but I am still just me

August 25, 2013

Blogging friend Hilary brought up an excellent point, in the comment I just read.
People are afraid of death, or more likely the uncertainty of what lies beyond. Believe me I can understand that, I have been trying to come to terms with it for years now. I am sort of awed when I look back and realize it is almost 10 years since I first heard the “dying” word and the 2 years if you are lucky. I have found very few doctors willing to give any guesstimates. The last one back in I think it was January gave me days, maybe weeks but not months. Phooey is all I have to say to that, I am still here.
When I first heard those words, it did rock my world. I spent a lot of time reading about my particular heart issues and about death, after life all that sort of thing. I started the blog as I was nearing the end of that original 2 year time frame. Yes at one point I was even counting down the days. Thankfully I got over that silliness.
In all that reading I was doing it became very obvious death and dying are taboo subjects. I would guess possibly the most taboo of all subjects. We don’t want to talk about it or even think about it, until it jumps up and smacks us in the face and there is no avoiding it. It then puts us into almost something like shock and often at a lose as to what to do or even what to say.
What to say? Here I am thinking along the lines of what to say to the terminal patient.
Now yes we are dealing with our own pain and grief but I think that may even compounded or at least complicated when we become tongue tied or at a lose for words. I mean, to face a loved one that is dying. What can I possibly say?
Now I can only speak for myself here. I am still me, I have not changed as a person. OK, I have this medical issue going on, but that doesn’t change who I am. We can talk about the same things we would have before. I don’t need to hear any profound words of wisdom to “ease my burden”, I don’t think there are any such words. Make me feel special or that I am important enough to you that you are choosing to spend time with me

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – The honour of visiting the dying

August 23, 2013

In my last post I spoke of the really wonderful visit we had with family in Alberta and it really was. 

As wonderful as it all was the time that really sticks out for me is the time I got to spend with my cousin Joe.
I have written asking for prayers for Joe. Joe has stage 4 cancer through much of his body. I could go on and on about what a wonderful man he is and he really is all that.
I want to talk about our last visit.
Our last morning there I got to spend about 2 1/2 hours of just one on one time. As cousins go Joe and I have been close. Sadly as life takes you in different directions contact contact becomes less frequent. I am not sure how to describe this. You can have someone in your life, that just knowing they are out there makes your life feel a little better. I know we all do and Joe is one of those people for me.
Our visit was I suppose you could say fragmented. By that I just mean he was very tired and dozed off frequently. Understandable, I was content to sit and wait until he awoke.
I haven’t been sleeping very well lately and badly need my nap.
Just throwing out two points we discussed. I will get into them more later. What are your thoughts on these?
Many people avoid meeting with the dying for a variety of reasons. Could this “avoidance” leave the patient with the thought possibly you just don’t care.
This experience is something no one can really understand unless you are there

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

August 22, 2013

We got back home both of us with stiff backs and sore bums from two long days in the car.

Our time in Alberta was wonderful. I have so many wonderful family members out there, all went out of there way to make us feel welcome and to ensure we had a wonderful time, which we most certainly did, we thank all.

A special thank you to cousin Sherry, cousin Jim/Donna and cousin Doug/Lynn for opening their homes providing places to stay. I want all to know it is geography, the distance between us that keeps us from visiting as often as we both would like.

There is so much to write about a fantastic wedding. For any that follow the blog know of the on going battle between my Aunt Isabel and myself. When we get together we play crib. Our final game is for “The Championship of the World”. We have done this for 6 or 7 years and every single time Auntie has kicked my butt. I think being out in Alberta threw her off her game. For the first time ever I came away with the championship. Picture me strutting around with my chest puffed out.
I thank you all and do love you all

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – we are home

August 21, 2013

We arrived home last evening. None the worse for the wear except for a sore bum and stiff back from the hours in the car.
I am so glad we went. It was wonderful in so many different ways. I will be writing about much of it.
It really wore us both out. Naps the order of the day

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers Please

August 10, 2013

In the past I have asked for prayers for my dear cousin Joe. A short time ago Joe was diagnosed with prostate cancer which has spread to numerous other organs. For the past few weeks he has been  responding well to the treatment plan. He was even allowed to go home. Two evenings back he was taken back to the hospital with a high fever and terrible pain.

I ask please for prayers for Joe and family.

Joe lives in a different city, even a different Province. It is about an 800 mile drive but first thing tomorrow morning Vi and I will be on the highway

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

August 9, 2013

The long awaited day has finally arrived. This afternoon Vi has her appointment with the vascular surgeon. Her legs are bothering her more and more. I certainly something can be done and soon

Dying Man’s Daily Journal

August 8, 2013

This morning I am off to the Wellness Centre for my physical assessment from which they will design my exercise program. I have already been told I will not be allowed into the exercise area if unacompanied. I am guessing now but I do think it will likely be short monitored walks. I guess I will know in a couple of hours