Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Dancing at the party of life

June 29, 2010

Have been keeping a pretty low profile this past while, not doing much at all. Here in southern Manitoba it has been an exceptionally wet spring. Quite heavy rain days seem to have become the norm which is causing problems in every direction. Here in the city many basements have flooded including my brother Eric’s. There has been so much rain the ground is just saturated and can’t take in any more, which is causing overland flooding. I really feel sorry for the farmers. It is impossible to plant a crop on a field that is under a couple of inches of water. I am not sure if ironic is the right word to be using but the northern part of our province is heavily forested. It is so dry up there that massive forest fires are burning.

All the moisture everywhere with the relative warmth of the summer days is causing high humidity in the air. For many this aggravates breathing issues and seems to just suck the energy right out of you. Explains my not being to active. I have heard the expression, the air is just thick. Now usually when I have heard it, it is referring to tension or something in a room. High humidity make the air feel thick as you are trying to breathe it in.

Obviously, I have experienced this in the past and admit to having had periods of woe is me. Unless you have had breathing issues it is hard to imagine how it does suck the energy out of you. It is almost like with each breath you aren’t getting quite enough air.

My attitude has changed over time. There is no sign of any “woe is me” anywhere. It has been replaced with a really profound sense of gratitude that I am in fact still breathing.

As i sit here I think of all the times in my past when I allowed the “woe is me” to take over my mind-set. Times when life wasn’t going my way. Thoughts like, “why did this have to happen” or “why did he/she have to do that”, “It is just not fair, why did this have to happen to me, woe is me”. I would mope, wallow around until some how things seemed to get back on track and again be going “MY” way and only then was I happy again. As I think about it really how selfish is that? Getting upset, sulking when you don’t get you way. It is sad when I think of all that wasted time. I read some where that time is like money in that you only get to spend it once. When it is gone it is gone. How wisely we spend it is up to us. huh, so much of mine wasn’t spent in the wisest way and that I do regret.

I can’t get back the time I wasted in the past but I can be sure I don’t waste anymore going forward.

There is another saying something to the effect: Life may not be the party we had hoped for but we might as well dance while we are here.  Huh, something just hit me and I actually got up and danced. Now since I am alone here at the moment I really laid down a few fancy steps and moves, let me tell you.lol. “Bill” dancing is a style of its own.lol. Give it a try, stand up right now and just let it loose, I dare you. OK, maybe don’t over do it, my little dance has me huffing and puffing but it was worth it.


Why do I write this blog? One part of the reason is to I hope help others realize the priorities in life. To realize how truly wonderful life is.Of how we take so much of it for granted. I urge all to take  a look at your own life, maybe certain parts are “upside down” right now. Don’t focus on the areas of life that aren’t going our way. Look at the big picture of your life, you will if you are honest see much to be grateful for. If your life is upside down and you just can’t see anything to be grateful for. I challenge you to look again, with this thought in mind.I am grateful for just being able to breath. Would you like to trade places and then look back at your life as it is?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – sad day in the neighborhood

June 26, 2010

It is a sad day in the neighborhood. We have lived in this house for 6 years and during that time have become close friends with our wonderful neighbors, Art and Lisa. A for sale sign has gone up in front of their house. With the recent arrival of baby Aivin, they have decided to they would like to move to an acreage just outside the city or possibly to one of the numerous towns surrounding the city. From their point of view it all makes good sense. From my point of view it is sad they will be moving away.

Art and Lisa we wish you nothing but the very best and know you will be missed.

It really doesn’t matter who moves in next door as in my heart I know they will be very nice people. Oh, a thought just hit me, who ever it is that moves in will be stuck with VI and I as neighbors, ooooohhhh now that could be a scary thought.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Politicians

June 24, 2010

I was reading the newspaper today and read an article that left me just going, huh.

Over the next few days Canada is hosting both the G8 and G20 meetings. These are meetings of top world leaders. They get together as I understand it to meet and collectively come up with plans to address some of the major issues facing the world, poverty, climate change etc.. I think that is wonderful, open honest discussion with countries banding together to jointly address the issues of the world, GREAT. These meetings are held in conjunction with one another and span a combined total of 3 days. Now I do realize there will I am sure be many other meeting and such that do extend this 3 day time period. now I do wish these world leaders every success and I do hope they come up with action plans that all will implement to create a better world for us all.

OK, I think this is wonderful so what about it has me going, huh? Hosting this combined 3 days of meetings is costing the Canadian tax payers over a billion dollars. A billion dollars is a lot of money, $1,000,000,000.00. Now a good portion of that is going to security, we do want to ensure the safety of all that attend, fair enough. But still a billion dollars, geesh.Now as a Canadian tax payer I am more than willing to pay my share of that cost if something productive comes of that meeting and our world is as a result made a better place.

A thought just hit me as I am sitting here. I invite all of the world leaders to my house for a back yard BBQ. We will have burgers, potato salad and a couple of beer. Then as we sit around in our lawn chairs I will chair a meeting. In an informal meeting such as this there will be no need to try and impress anyone with big fancy political speeches, in fact with me as the chair none would be allowed. Just regular people talking.

Now this is kind of hard to describe in a way that makes possibly any sense. I am speaking from personal experience . I was a banker most of my working life. What I am trying to say very well may just apply to me, I don’t know. When I was in my branch of the bank, in my office, my mind set was how to service the clients in the very best way I could while staying within the prescribed guidelines. Now on numerous occasions I was called to attend meetings with numerous other managers etc.. I can look back now and realize my mind set changed to what I call “corporate” mode. I am not sure if that even makes sense, I know what I am trying to say but not sure how to express it.Now don’t take me wrong, customers were always top priority, it is just the way of thinking seemed to change. Does that make sense?

Now politicians I consider to be in a group of their own, far different or beyond any of my experiences. Now I mentioned politicians so I will use them as an example of what I am trying to say. Prior to being elected their peers are just regular people. Once elected their world changes as their peers are suddenly other politicians. OK, that is an arguable point but you know what I am trying to say. Over the course of time you have to wonder what that would do to a persons mind set.

Example, suppose President Obama of the US. visited Canada to meet with Prime Minister Harper. What would the mindset of each likely be, what would likely be the tone of the meeting. Now I have never been privy to such a meeting but I can only imagine each would likely speak in a relatively “guarded” manner. Each being aware of the fact they are representing their entire country while respecting the same of the other. I wonder as they would talk do they see the other only as the head of state of another country. Or, can they see another man sitting across the table from them, just another human being trying to do the best job he can for his country. I have to wonder how much more could be accomplished if say the G8 could just meet as a group of people, forget all the fancy speeches and formalities and just discuss the issues. Now I realize this is unlikely to happen as each leader does in fact have his/her own agenda, which is to promote and safeguard the issues as they relate to their own countries. Understandable yes, but still sad. Likely so much potential lost. I have to wonder how much of the meetings will be spent questioning the motives of the others to protect our own. How much will be left unsaid though fear of being misunderstood. I don’t know.

I ask any that may read this to think about how our own lives actually are very similar to this. Individually or as family groups don’t we generally act in the same way. We promote our own issues to make enough money to live a comfortable life. We safeguard our issues to protect ourselves and family. We are often fearful and suspicious of the motives of other, huh. How much is this affecting our own lives in both a positive or negative way? Let me know what you think?

Yikes, be glad of spell checker today!!!!

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Bill Yoga

June 23, 2010

Had a doctors appointment yesterday. I am feeling fine, it was just to get refills on my regular prescription medications. He surprised me, telling me it was time for the rubber glove treatment, yuck.

Several months ago I started something new, well new for me, yoga. I have used meditation as a relaxation tool for years, the yoga poses though are something new to me. Now any that know me, I am sure have instantly had some sort of comical image conjured up in their heads picturing me down on the floor attempting the various poses. Well the visions of comical images are very likely correct. Correct to the point what I am doing I am not even sure if it still actually counts as being yoga. Maybe, I am creating a new form of Bill yoga. lol. But, none of that matters, I enjoy it, I am getting some exercise, and am becoming a little more flexible.Hey, perfection is not a requirement in life, that we try is. I am trying nothing else matters.

What really caught my attention though, well besides the fact that Sonya Dhillon is a very attractive lady, is that in it she shares some very inspirational, instructive messages on improving our lives and feeling better about ourselves. I would encourage you to check it out. Intimate Yoga, I get it on ONE, the mind,body and spirit channel

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Father’s Day Challenges

June 20, 2010

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there. Here in Canada anyway today is fathers day. I am not sure how far and wide around the world this celebration extends. I think Mothers Day and Fathers Day should be celebrated everywhere. Any that read this maybe you could tell me if it is celebrated where you live.

I can hear a lot of “oh no’s” echoing from everywhere when I say I have been thinking again. Thinking that is about Fathers day and what it means or could mean.

Now first off, who can be a father? Well biologically the way our bodies are, virtually any male over, I don’t know about the ages of 12 or 13 can father a child. That is just the way it is.Now there is though a world of difference between fathering a child and being a father. i imagine everyone would know what I mean here and no further explanation is needed.

Now I know today will be a day of family gatherings, BBQ’s etc and that the phone lines will be busy to capacity as dads are acknowledged and to that I say right on.

I am issuing two challenges today. First to the fathers. Your children will be gathering around you or calling you to both pay their respects and honor you on this day. I challenge all fathers to take a few moments to reflect on this past year. The year that has gone by since last father’s day. Reflect on the type of father you have been to your children in this past year. Do you really deserve to be honored in this way on this day? What kind of a father have you been in this past year?

We should never look for perfection when we think of our parenting roles, impossible to attain. As you look back you may see situations that were “disastrous” but even that is OK and acceptable if we were truly trying our best. Trying our best is all that can ever be asked of anyone in any situation.Just think about it, did you try your best or deep within do you know you took the easy way out, which often seems to be simply ignoring the kids. Think about this, keep it in mind and accept what ever honors or tributes are passed your way on this, your day. Just keep it in mind, think about it, there will be another father’s day next year. Do you need to and will you be making any changes in this next year?

Another thought to the fathers. Children in our lives are a blessing from God. Could Fathers Day possibly be a day in which we also honor our children the very ones that qualify us as fathers? Without our children this day would be meaningless to us, think about it.

If there are any dead beat dads that read this. I suggest this one thing. Go and pick up a baseball bat,use it to sharply strike yourself on the side of the head.

To the children of all ages celebrating fathers day. Why are you doing it? have your really given any thought to this day or is it just another day on the calendar. A day in which we feel obligated to give him a call or maybe get the family together. Just because that is what is expected by society to be done. Will you say “Happy Fathers Day” just to get the words out and over with for another year? Mothers Day and Fathers day can have real meaning and significance or they can just be days in which we have a family obligation. Which is it for you?

I would be interested on hearing from all on this.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Self Image

June 19, 2010

Through meditation and just general thinking about it. I have come to realize through out most of my life, I have been my own worst enemy. Now I am no different than anyone else so I imagine that same would apply to many others. Now I know I have heard that same statement from others. So very often we know it but what are we doing about it.

We are so very often more critical of ourselves than we are of others, why? There are just dozens and dozens of example I could give of this self depreciating sort of thinking. It extends all the way to thoughts of not being good enough or unworthy.Now who is it that has made that call, made that decision that we are not good enough or unworthy? We have, we do it to ourselves!! somehow, we allow the world around us, the people around us to create our own self-image. We allow others to create the imagine in our minds of how we see ourselves, now think about it, how wrong is that? and why is it that it seems we can take on the negative so much easier than the positive?

When I really think of it, it seems so obvious the answers to a better, healthier, happier life all lie within us.We need to come to peace within ourselves, seeing ourselves for who we really are and not in the light of the image we have taken on from the world around us. Very easy to say but can be so hard to do. The biggest question is, are we at least trying to do something about that false negative image the world has handed us? Or, are we just sitting around wallowing in it, because we are not “good enough” or not “strong enough” to do anything about it? Even the longest journey or the hardest task begins with a first step. Why can’t today be the day you make that first step or another step in this recovery process?

I believe we are Spiritual Beings sent to this earth for a physical experience and to learn lessons in life. These lessons revolve around all the human emotions and feelings, love,  empathy, pity………. While we are here the Good Lord will place us in situations or present us with opportunities to learn these lessons. To learn these lessons “problems” are placed in our path, through which we can indeed learn and grow as people. Think about it, if we were placed in a live in which we just sailed calmly and pleasantly through it, how would we grow? Through out our entire lives we will be presented with similar opportunities to learn and grow until we finally get it. This learning and growing comes form within. Our worldly position has nothing to do with it, it is all within ourselves.

I have recently come to finally realize one of my lessons, or at least what it is. PRIDE. Now I don’t mean the boastful sort of pride. I mean the sort of pride, where you are to proud to ask for help when it is needed or to proud to accept it even if it is offered. I can look back over my life and see so very many times I was presented with the opportunity to learn how wrong being to proud to ask for or accept help. I can now see how very much harder I made my own life with the stubborn, I can handle it myself attitude, I don’t need help. I mean asking for help would be a sign or weakness or incompetency, wouldn’t it? Geesh, was I wrong, it is but a sign of being human.

The opportunities to learn this lesson have followed me all of my life, right up to and including the present. Over the past years failing health has forced me into the position where I must ask for help, be somewhat dependant on others. I am a slow learner, it has taken me a long time to get here and I still struggle with it, but I am learning. We all need help at times seeking it is not a sign of weakness but a sign of being human.

When it comes to self-worth, there is no one in this world that is better than I am and I am no better than anyone else, period!!!

Babies come into this world as the complete package not one better than the next. How they grow and develope is a different story, each surrounded by the world they live in with all of its self reflecting images.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Don’t Waste you life

June 15, 2010

My doctors it seems have been wrestling with the decision as to what exactly to do with me. It has been decided for the moment anyway to do nothing, with follow up appointments towards the end of August.I have had no input into this decision but I do have complete trust and confidence in my doctors and their skills and ability.

It surprises me when I seem to surprise others by the way I am living my life. Example, the other day I was out cutting the grass and was at the time taking one of my rest breaks, huffing and puffing trying to catch my breath. A concerned neighbor approached me asking if I was OK and should I be doing this (cutting the grass). I thanked him for the concern and assured him I was just catching my breath.

That short exchange got me thinking. I am not dead yet and until I am, I am going to carry on living life as much as I can and that does include things like cutting the grass. Our home is just on a normal city sized lot. There was a time when I could cut the grass front and back in maybe half an hour. Now it takes me about 3 hours with all my little rest breaks, but so what. The important thing to me is I can still do it and I am still doing what I can. To me something as simple as cutting the grass is living life. That I am going to continue doing and if I have anything so say about it, I will still be cutting my grass years from now.

I am not sure if what I just said there makes much sense. Like, “whoopee he can cut his grass, big deal.” Well to me it is a big deal, cutting that grass does take a lot out of me. It would be much “easier” for me to just retreat to my comfy chair and spend the day between reading, watching TV and visiting the blog and there are MANY days when that is what I do. I am at peace with myself and content when that is how my day goes. I have come to realize as we all should that energy levels can vary from day to day, what I was able to accomplish yesterday may well beyond my ability today. That does apply to everyone in every day life. Do the best you can each day but don’t expect “perfection” each and every day. That is something though that families of terminal or very ill patients should understand. No that is something everyone should understand aboout everyone in life. I am doing the best I can today but that very well may not be the same as my best either yesterday or even tomorrow.

Very very few people want to die. They cherish their lives as they have them and don’t want to loose them. I ask this question, if you don’t want to give up your life as it is precious to you, why would you consider giving up really living it right up to that last breath?  If we value our lives, our time so very much that we fear loosing it, why are we wasting so much of it? A moment spent in anger or any other feelings of negativity ar moments of potential happiness lost forever. Just think about that and let me know what you think.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – No derogatory comments allowed.

June 14, 2010

This is directed to the individual that left me a comment and signed it as anymous.

Your comment was addressed to the board of directors of a specific organization and I am unclear as to why it would be posted here on my blog. It in no way pertains to me, my blog or the content of the blog.

Your comment contained some very serious allegations against a person that has in the past left comments here. This site is intended to be a safe haven for any and all that visit.. I can not and will not allow a comment to remain and have deleted it. I have absolutely no idea as the the accuracy of the issues raised. Your comment was addressed to the board of directors of an organization and that is where it should have been sent.

To air such accusations in a public forum such as this, I can only see as an attempt to damage the reputation of the individual involved as well as the organization itself.  I would suggest going forward if you make such accusations against anyone you have thew courage to sign your name to it.  To air such a grievance as you have in an totally unrelated forum such as this, I can only see as a form of character assassination. I have deleted the comment from the public web site but have it saved so it may be seen by the individuals involved should they wish.

To all be clear, I will not allow comments to stand that I view as an attack on anyone.

Dying man’s Daily Journal – Mourning

June 13, 2010

A new blogging friend Karin has me thinking, she left a comment on one of my posts from back in Dec/08. The post related to mourning the loss of a loved one. This is a part of that post: 

“What do you think is the respectful amount of time a widow/widower should wait before beginning to see someone else?”

I remind you I am not a doctor or a therapist, I am just me. You asked for my opinion so here is how things are “According to Bill”. Also remember free advice is usually worth about as much as you paid for it.

I take this to sort of mean, how long is an appropriate time to spend in mourning the passing of a spouse? What is a respectable amount of mouning time to spend before moving on with your life?

I will give that a very definite, that depends. Grieve is a very personal and individual thing, everyone deals with it in their own way and in their own time. I think the question should be, when is the surviving spouse ready to move on in a healthy way? At this point it should be all about the surviving spouse. If you are asking, say should a widow spend a year dressed in black locked in her house to show proper respect for her deceased husband my answer would be no, UNLESS that is something he/she must do for their own healing.

Not sure how to word this to get what I mean across. Do I expect my family to mourn my loss? Fact of the matter is I know they will. But, I hope and pray the “true mourning” phase will be brief. I hope I will be missed and always remembered but not in a mourning way. Does that make sense?

I don’t think moving on with your life should have anything to do with respect or disrespect for the passed loved ones. It has everything to do with the survivors living healthy happy lives.

Will I feel in anyway disrespected if All of my loved ones don’t spend an “appropriate” time in mourning? Not at all, if anything the exact opposite would apply. The greatest respect that could be shown to me, is by everyone moving on with healthy happy lives, I can then rest at ease knowing I have somehow contributed.”

Those were my thoughts back then and still are today. Being the rambler I am I have to add a little more today.

Loosing a loved on is such an intensely sad and confusing time. Confusing as our whole world is suddenly changed. Our lives as we know them are suddenly changed and will never be the same again. In going through this time of loss, it can well seem like the whole world has changed, nothing is the same, nothing makes sense, has any meaning or value. Things we once valued or enjoyed are suddenly meaningless. Everything in life is suddenly seems different, difficult and even pointless. I remember when my mother passed. As I left the hospital that last time, I passed through the lobby. In the lobby was a group of strangers and they were LAUGHING. I remember a feeling of rage build inside of me, how could anyone be laughing at a time like this. How insensitive of them, how rude of them, how inconsiderate of them!!!!!

Well let’s face it they were strangers. They had no way of knowing about my mother or what I was feeling at that time. This sort of reminds me of that old saying which is something to the effect. Be kind to everyone as each is fighting their own battle of some sort.

Now i said life will never be the same again and it won’t a part of your life is gone forever. BUT, that does not mean it will not be just as good again. Our minds and our hearts need time to process this change to allow us to move on.

How we process it, how we reach the point of being able to move on is individual and personal. We will each do it in our own way. my way may in fact not seem appropriate to other or visa versa. it is a time we need the support of others. Very often giving support can seem to be the best way we can receive it. Accept others as they deal in their own way even if that way seems so alien to our own thinking. I don’t think there is any “ONE” right way, but I do think there is a wrong way. That  is to just seemingly get stuck in time and not move on. If you are there I ask this one question, is this what your loved one would have wanted for you?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – God’s Cake/Our lives

June 4, 2010

My wonderful cousin Gloria seems to have a knack for knowing exactly the message I need to hear and when I need to hear it. This is one of those inspirational email messages. I think it gives such a wonderful explanation of why things sometimes happen in our lives. Original source is unknow or due credit would be given.

Sometimes we wonder, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ or ‘Why did God have to do this to me?’ Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, ‘Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.’
‘Here, have some cooking oil,’ her Mother offers.
‘Yuck’ says her daughter.
‘How about a couple raw eggs?’ ‘Gross, Mom!’
‘Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?’
‘Mom, those are all yucky!’
To which the mother replies: ‘Yes , all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! ‘
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

If you like this, send this on to the people you really care about.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!