Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Dealing with grief

November 17, 2012

My first time at the computer in a few days.. A big thank you to all that sent messages of condolences, offering up prayers. Sorry if my absence for this past while caused concern. Things have been a little busy different around here.

Firstly, Vi and family all made it back to Winnipeg safe and sound. The normal 8 hour drive took closer to 11 hours. At times driving conditions were terrible through one of our infamous Manitoba winter blizzards. Icy roads, heavy blowing snow causing zero visibility at times. All were tired but make it home in one piece.

It has been a very trying time for all. When you lose someone,  anyone that plays a large, important part in your life you obviously feel a great sense of loss. You know your life has been changed forever, it will never again be as it was before. Now just because it will never be the same again does not mean it will not be good again. With a little time as we learn to adapt to this new and changed life of ours, we come to realize that is can and will be as good again but in a slightly different way. Often in the feelings of the moment that can escape our ability to envision. Grief is a very personal, individual thing with all dealing with it in their own way.

My way will be to return here to the blog as much as I can. I have much I need to write to get out of my system. Journaling has helped me so much in the past and here I am again.

I almost feel guilty or something as I do not want Nellies passing to become an all about me thing. Yet, I need to journal my feelings and issues with it all. Holding her hand as she lay in that bed as wwe knew her heart was failing. An image would pop into my head. The image was of me laying there. Our medical conditions are not all that different

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – More prayers please.

November 11, 2012

Well the funeral has come and gone. I am told that as funerals go, it was a good one, just very emotional, very draining.

Today many are making the 8 hour drive back to Winnipeg from Thompson. This is where the prayers are requested. The drive itself is long and tiring but to complicate it the weather forcast is for one of our Manitoba blizzards.  National weather has issued a winter storm warning. We are expecting about 30mm (a foot) of snow with high winds with white out conditions on the highway. . Vi with her two sons Rob and Dave with cousin Linda are out there somewhere in the middle of it. It is going to be a long day waiting

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers please

November 9, 2012

I ask for prayers please, for Vi and her entire family. At 1:00pm today will be the funeral for their beloved mother Nellie. Loving support is greatly needed.

Spoke to step-daughter Lynelle just a few moments ago and all are struggling with emotions.

I am not sure if there is ever a good time for a funeral and weather conditions may seem inconsequential at that time. But, a temperature of -29 with the wind chill taken into account doesn’t make it any easier.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Grieving a loss/consoling

November 8, 2012

I have written of how Nellie, Vi’s mum passed away on Sunday afternoon. She was in a room surrounded by family. Vi was actually laying on the bed beside her, holding her. She passed very peacefully. Nellie is at rest, at peace  in a much better place. The hurt, the pain and the grief are left behind for family and loved ones to deal with. I just do not have the words to describe the emotions that filled that hospital room. Nellie was a grand Lady and will be missed by many.

At a time like that how do you console someone? I realize I don’t have a clue. At that time words have no meaning. It seems all I could come up with anyway was little physical actions, hugs, holding a hand, gently rubbing a back. If anyone has any further suggestions I am all ears.

Nellie will be laid to rest in Thompson, a city which is about an 8 hour drive away. Vi and sister Kim went on Monday so as to be there when Nellie arrived. Family has been gathering here in Winnipeg with quit a large group hitting the highway yesterday. The wake is today with the funeral tomorrow.

through all of this my biggest desire is to comfort and support Vi in any way I can, ease the load, the burden she is currently carrying. How to do that is the biggest question for me.   A good question would be if you want to ease her burden/comfort her, why are you at home in Winnipeg while she is away preparing for, dealing with and then going through her mother’s funeral. Fair question as that is one that I am struggling with myself. I feel I should be there for her and am feeling down and in quite a funk because I am not.

OK, we have known for some time that this was going to be coming. For me not to go was a thought that had never entered my head. That is until several weeks ago when Vi suggested I stay home. Why? The time in Thompson would be a mad house, so many people so much activity,  so many tears, much pain it would be all she could handle. she would have lots of support her 4 kids, 8 brothers and sisters and likely hundreds of others. If I were to actually be there it would add to her burden with worrying about me. Was I getting my proper rest, had I taken another fall, did I have any chest pain, how raspy or gurgly is my breathing, how much stress was I taking on with everything happening. When she first suggested that, it took me off guard totally by surprise. Over the past couple of weeks it was suggested a couple of more times, then flat-out requested for all of the reasons above.

So while there she is surrounded by loving support and as she pointed out to me, it will be after it is all over and everyone else has returned home that she will be turning to me for the support.

I want what ever makes it easiest for her so here I sit at home.

It is strange, this is a time that is not about me and should not be about me. Now don’t take me wrong my heart and feelings go out to the family. Yet, here I sit I suppose feeling some of the poor me’s in that all this health stuff,  my limitations are keeping me from where I should be. I think I just need a good slap on the side of the head

Dying Man’s Daily Journal -Nellie until we meet again

November 5, 2012

Nellie was surrounded by loving family members when the Good Lord called her home this afternoon

dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers Please

November 5, 2012

I have written of my mother-in-law Nellie and her heath conditions. Things have worsened considerably. For about a month she has been in her home with family, knowing really there was nothing that could be done other than make her as comfortable as possible. Her pain levels had been increasing and on Wednesday she was taken to the hospital. She immediately had tubes and everything you can imagine running into her. Through that day and evening tests showed her kidneys were in failure and that really there was just nothing that could be done other than keep her comfortable. On Thursday morning everything was removed, all medications stopped except for pain relief. We were told a day or two and here it is day 5 and she is still hanging in there.

Vi and here sisters have be literally living at the hospital and I do mean 24 hours a day trying to nap in chairs or what ever. Last evening (Saturday) Vi left the hospital for the first time, to come home grab a shower and 5 or 6 hours sleep and right back she went. I have been spending as much time as I can there.

I ask please for prayers for a peaceful passing for Nellie and for loving support for the family