Dying Man’s Daily Journal -Visiting and talking to the dying

I have written of how Vi’s mum has been hospitalized, released and then back to the hospital. In a family meeting with her doctor it was learned the prognosis is not all that good and her time left may be as short as a couple of months. Heart attacks, suspected lung cancer have just take their toll on her 86-year-old body. I ask for prayers for Nellie. The strange thing is I am not sure if I am asking for her recover or for a pain-free peaceful passing. Her quality of life is none existent. Family are caring for her and doing the very best they can but there just reaches a point where even that is just not enough.

I visit Nellie every day and I go alone for about an hour. It gives me some one on one time just to talk to her besides that if I go with Vi the visit can easily turn into even 5 or 6 hours and I jut don’t have the energy for that. We just sit and chat, i usually hold her hand. Well actually since she is quite deaf, she talks and I yell to be heard.

I am going to be doing a few posts on the different reactions I see from many anonymously of course. Avoidance seems to be a big one. I feel it a privilege to be able to spend the time with her. The big question seems to be what do you say to a dying person? I don’t know of anything special to say. I visit, and I talk to Nellie th same way i would have before her hospitalization. I mean she is still Nellie is she not

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – temporal arteritis

This seems to be such a nice place to visit I am back again, there are so many wonderful loving people here. I AM going to be back more often.

A lot has happened in the past few months. It has not been a lot of fun living in my head this past couple of months. Now if anyone could see me they well may wonder why I am sitting in our basement (well that is where the computer is located). What may be curious is I am sitting here with all the lights out and wearing sun glasses. Now that part may seem strange even for me.lol.

For the past couple of months I have has a wicked pain in my head, not even like a traditional head ache. It felt more like I had a spike driven through my left eye. That spike seemed to go through my eye, back through my head and down into my neck. another spike seemed to go through the left temple to join with the other one. It just seemed to come out of no where, one day I am fine the next day had that. Doctors always ask on a pain scale of one to ten where would you rate it. I rated it at about a 5 which is pretty uncomfortable but with the wonders of Tylenol it was manageable. That is if I avoided light. It seemed any exposure to light and it rocketed up to a 8 or 9. Now being the “smart” guy that I am, I quickly realized that, avoid light and I avoid pain. Unfortunately avoiding light meant the computer monitor.

Now for most of that time period Vi was out of town. I was determined I was not going to the hospital over a head ache, doctor had already recommended the tylenol. It took her another week but she finally got me by the ear and dragged me off. initial diagnosis is temporal areritis. A biopsy was done last Thursday in which a sample piece of artery was remover for checking. It is potential serious but the side effects of the medication can be just as bad if not worse with my other conditions.

The story I am going with is that Vi punched me in the left eye for snoring to loudly.

Now Vi won’t own up to punching me and her story is a little different more along the lines of what I wrote  earlier. Mostly it points to what an idiot I am at times. Let me know which version sounds better.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers please

It would seem as things have worked out my “return” to the blog has come at a time of need for our dear blogging friend Irene. Here is the comment in which she requests our help via prayer. Let’s give her all our support.

“July 24, 2012 at 4:59 am

Dear Everyone, Help!!  I need to ask for prayers for my nephew.  He has 5 children and a wife and has been diagnosed with cancer.  We’re all quite frantic and need all the help we can get. Bill, I’m sorry for using your platform for begging, but I’m desperate.  Right now there seems to be so many questions and very few definitive answers.  “Wait and see” is difficult on us all…Praying for you always, Wiseman. Irene

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – visiting the dying

A new blogging friend Hazel left a very good question in her comment of a couple of days ago. I realize my thoughts, my views on the situation have changed some what over the years and it is time to repost about it.

Her question: ” My inquiry is how can i help someone who knows they are dying?”

It is a straight forward question to which I do wish I had a straight forward answer. This is an issue I am struggling with myself this past while.

How do you treat a dying person? As I have written so very many times I am not a doctor, nor a man of the clergy or any sort of therapist or any such. I am just a man sharing my thoughts and feelings based on my own experiences through this journey in life. This is an attempt to combine how I would like to be treated and in turn try to treat others.

There are so many factors to take into consideration that there is just no one right way. All we can do is our best, do what is in our hearts. Even that must at times be tempered or controlled to suit the situation. our natural impulse is to want to help our loved one. It is so very difficult coming to acceptance when the time comes that there just is nothing we can do, other than provide comfort and support. How do we do that?

Firstly, I think it is important to remember, I am still me. I am still the same person I was prior to the doctor giving me his diagnosis and prognosis. I still like the same things, I AM STILL ME. The only difference is I have some unsettling, disturbing thoughts running around in my head. Think about the things in your life that can upset you, I mean really set you off. Now compare that to hearing that you are dying. How do they compare in importance or significance? How important or significant does your issue seem or compare.

Hearing you are dying is something that it does take some time to get your head wrapped around, depending on where the patient is in the grieving process. Yes the patient grieves also, grieving the pending loss of their own life. Mood spirit what ever can change from day to day or even from hour to hour. Often if  someone comes home from work after having an abxoultely horrific day. they are a little bit grumpy and thinking of the day they have had we cut them a little slack, thinking after a day like that it is understandable their mood may not be the best and fair enough. Can we do at least that much for the patient, I would hope so.

OK, you are off for the visit and I really do encourage everyone to make that visit. As I am speaking from experience obviously I can only speak for myself. If you cometo visit me, I am going to do my damnedest to keep the visit as pleasant and enjoyable as possible. i don’t want anyones last memories of me to be of a grumpy old crab. i will push myself to my limit. However when I do reach that point I am just going to tell you I need to lay down or what ever. please don’t be upset, angry or what ever. OK, you may have just arrived but sorry, you may not know the day I have had so far or what I have already done.

How do you talk to me. The same way we have always talked, remember I am still the same person I have always been. Dont’t be afraid of mentioning anything about dying. Guess what I already know that so hearing it from you isn’t going to upset me. Feel free to ask any questions you may have but then let’s drop the subject not dwelling on it.

Let’s reminisce about the good old days, Help me distract my mind from the obvious. I have more to say but just as I do with physical company, when I need to lay down I just say so.

I am going to try and get more up on this subject soon