Medical updates

I am slowly coming around. I seems I start to feel better then do a backwards slide. Slow and steady always wins out in the race. Raspy breathing, coughing and sneezing fits are gone.
Yesterday was Vi’s pre-op appointment. It is major surgery, a pretty big deal. It is actually 4 procedures all being done at the same time. Two for each leg. Actual surgery is scheduled for Feb. 5th. Prayers please.
This all re-enforces what I have known all along. For me anyway, it is less stressful being the patient than the worried family member. I know I could deal with this a whole lot better If it was happening to me. This helplessly watching from the side lines sucks.
My brother Robin has been coming into the city for various appointments. He has the bad heart thing going on as well. He needs a valve in his heart replaced. Now this valve replacement surgery has become almost routine having been done so often.
Not so in his case. Because of the condition of his heart, Open heart surgery is considered too high risk and will only be done as a last resort. They are looking at a new procedure, less invasive with a lower risk factor. All these tests are to see if he is a viable candidate for this new procedure. I hope so.
As for me, I am doing OK. Our cold weather really affects my breathing. I really need my meditation chair. Need to boost my spirits, get my head screwed on straight
Doctor did a little tinkering with my medications. Time is short let’s make it as comfortable and enjoyable as possible

In Life we reap what we sow

I remembered an old fable or moral. I have been going over it in my mind. It went something like this.

“there is an old man walking down a country road. He is leading his donkey, pulling a cart filled with firewood. Along the way he meets a family. Their cart loaded with all of their worldly possessions as they are looking to relocate. They ask him, “what are the people in the next village like?

He responded with his own question. What were the people like in your last village? They responded with a whole list of complaints: they were mean, uncaring, gossipy……. Not nice people to be around to the point we just had to move.

His response was:  Well you are going to find the people in that next village to be about the same.
He carried on down the path and within a very short distance comes across another family also moving. They ask the same question. What are the people in the next village? He responds with the same question back to them. What were the people like in your last village? Their answer was different than the last. Oh, they were kind, loving wonderful people that we hated to leave.
His rely to their question was the unchanged: You will find the people in the next village to be the same.
The same question asked about the same next village. How could the answers be so totally different.
The old man was wise enough to be able to see the different mind set or attitude of those asking the question. It is that attitude or mind set that makes all the difference.
We reap what we sow. Give off warm loving positive vibes and it will be returned many times over.
Give off negative, grumpy less than kind loving vibes and they too will be returned many times over.

Off to see the neurologist this morning. Get an update on this old head of mine brain tumour and all

The first day of the rest, of your life

I have a terrible habit. I will read something and a phrase or two will just jump out at me. Impress me as something I need or want to remember and keep in mind. I will write it down on what ever paper happens to be handy. I am “memory guy”, more often than not it seems out of sight, out of mind. I have to get more organized in where I write down these little gems of wisdom AND where I got them from, so that if at some point I post them I can give due credit. I imagine I have maybe even dozens of these little gems laying around somewhere in the house just waiting for me to stumble upon them again.

It really does seem, when I need a lift or what ever the case may be. I seem to come across one of these little gems that contains just the message I need to here at the moment.

“No one said life would be easy just worth it”.

“Life is one of those things that the more you put into it, the more you get back”.

“Work towards building the life you want or eventually you will realize you realize you are stuck with the life you have”

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life. What are you going to do with it?

My understanding – heart failure

In my mind it seems to help me understand things a little better when I have a human physical comparable. I got an explanation that gives me a little better view of this heart failure thing of mine. I am sure it doesn’t apply in every situation but it certainly does seem to fit me. It is the right side of my heart that is affected. This is the side that has everything to do with breathing, delivering oxygen enriched blood to the body. When that side of the heart is not working properly. The amount of the oxygen enriched blood delivered is reduced. Physical energy levels reduce accordingly, breathing becomes more laboured. Remember I am not a doctor or any such. I am explaining as I understand things to be.

 Here is the comparable. Before this all started you could go for a walk on a nice level surface and maybe even go for miles without becoming winded. For me anyway in the early stages, that same walk changed to physically feeling comparable to taking the walk on a slight incline. Comparable to walking slightly uphill all the way. Do-able but more exertion is required. As the heart failure progresses, it is like the incline you face with each walk increases increases. The steeper the incline the more difficult it is to walk, the more energy it takes. the incline of the hill I am facing has gotten pretty steep.

i have climbed high enough up this mountain, that I could just comfortably settle back, enjoy the view watching with interest as the world passes me by, I am content. But, then I think to myself, man, I am only halve way up. If the view is this good from here, it can only get better the higher I go. I may not be climbing so fast but I have a lot left in me and a ways to go.

Hey, I am starting to feel better

A bump on the highway of life

Going through a bit of a rough patch. Doctors appointments all lined up. Family doctor today, heat failure clinic next week followed by the neurologist. They will get me all sorted out

Life is a head game we play with ourselves

We always hear the importance of maintaining balance in our lives. I totally agree with that. What is a good balance in our lives? To me that is another one of those personal individual things depending on where you are in your life, what is happening. That balance fits into so many areas of life that must be addressed in each area individually to attain overall balance. Time is so very often the biggest issue in all areas.

I know I have really been on this time issue for a while. I suppose more and more I am appreciating every moment it seems more and more. This old body of mine is finding it harder and harder to do things. Energy levels are really lagging. It is taking more and more effort to do more and more. I have to push myself, it would be so much easier to just take it easy. Give up trying and take it easy.

No one ever said life will always be easy just worth it. It is the best example of the saying: “the more you put in the more you get back.” When it comes to pushing myself I have been known to over do it. How do you come up with that balance? This pushing seems to have served me well in the past, I am still here. I have been told listen to your body, it will tell you when you are overdoing it. Most days if I just listen to my body and let that be the determining factor, I well may not even get out of bed. To me that would seem like the start of giving up. That is just not in me. There we go with finding that balance.
Really where do we live, in our heads, in our minds. Life is mostly a head game we play with ourselves. How we mentally, emotionally deal with the hand life deals with is up to us, our playing one part of that head game.

Some people just need a smack on the head

I was a couple of paragraphs into a post when something hit me. I was being hypocritical.

OK, I admit I haven’t been feeling well for the past couple of weeks. It has me feeling down and even a little grumpy. I read something in the paper that just hit me as being ridiculous. Some people are so petty getting upset over the silliest things. Here it is:

Here in Winnipeg we still have mail delivery right to your door, you have to love that. Now here in Winnipeg over this past 2-3 weeks we have been having an exceptional cold spell with temperatures in the -40’s with the wind. Now that is cold, you just can’t stay out in that very long. Vehicles are freezing up, it is a big problem for everyone. No one is going outdoors unless they have to.

That is unless your job forces you out there, such as is the case with our mail carriers. They are still out there walking up each street delivering the mail. With these kind of temperatures you just can’t stay out there, you have to get inside at times just to warm up. Now this being the case in some areas mail delivery is a day or two behind. Understandable, I would think. Not so with others. Some are apparently very upset over the slower delivery service.

now when I read about that it really irked me, even got me a little upset given the circumstances people would get upset over something so trivial. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard of. 

Then it hit me. What was even more ridiculous was me allowing myself to be annoyed. Annoyed reading of the reactions of others in this sort of situation. There is a life lesson here somewhere

Vi’s surgery

Spent yesterday morning at the hospital. To change things up, this time Vi was the patient. Her surgery date has been set at Jan. 22nd.

we had thought we would be getting an explanation of exactly what it is they are planning, how they are going to deal with the blockages. Well, we got the date. She went for blood work, EKG and X-ray’s. I guess they wanted up dated info to help finalize their decision. They will be calling to set a pre-op appointment for next week. Then meet with doctors to discuss options, plans etc.

2014 will be the best year yet

Well the New Year is not off to the best start. Both Vi and I have wicked colds. Those deep in your chest colds, hurts to breathe. Coughing is a real ouch. It’s really been dragging on since just after Christmas. Had a wild New Years Eve, both asleep by about 9:00. 

So how can I say it will be the best year ever. Well most of my life I have “TRIED” to live with this thought in mind:

If you have a bad morning, well that is a good thing. You can only have so much ka-ka piled on you in a day and you have it out of the way for that day.

Have a bad day, well that is a good thing. You got that out of the way for the week.

Have a bad week….. It is out of the way for the month.

I could carry that list on endlessly. Keeping with that thought process. The way it has started, the rest of the year will be great.

I am just sitting here thinking of years gone by. Of being excited to a small degree, thinking of an approaching New Year. Thinking the the upcoming year would be better. It signalled a time of new beginnings a fresh start to life. Really for me back the it was just a time for a good party. By the mere fact we hung a new calendar on the wall really had no real meaning as to anything being different in my life. There were times I made resolutions. But any I made were big life changing or life style changing things that even as I was “making” them, deep down I knew there wasn’t a real chance I would or could fulfill them. Even knowing this I still felt disappointed in myself when I didn’t follow through. Really, I was setting myself up to start the New Year by quickly failing. Not a good tone to start the year with.

Some how, some where along the line I have come to what for me is an important realization. I don’t need a calendar to mark a time of new beginnings or a fresh start.

I have come to realize and appreciate, every single moment marks a new beginning. It is the first moment of the rest of our lives. To me every moment is to be celebrated

Retain good memories

Over Christmas I was on a real emotional high. Hey my whole family was here, how could I not be on cloud 9. I have 2 beautiful daughters that I love so much and am so very proud of. Son-in-laws, I couldn’t ask for better. Well then we get to my grand daughters, each a princess within the realm of my heart. Each so different, three little individuals each just as special in there own way.

It seems anticlimactic or like a big let down or something. That special time is over, precious memories were created. Heart melting moments and memories. I am struggling trying to find a special spot in this memory bank of mine so I can hang on to the memory of each moment. With this memory of mine, I have been known to just lose blocks of time. This is a block of time to precious to ever lose.