Dying Man’s Daily Journal – It is never too late.

November 20, 2010

Today I had part 2 of a nuclear MIBI. It is amazing what they can do these days. For part of it I am sitting comfortably in a chair and they inject me with something. It apparently fools my heart into thinking I am exercising. I just remain sitting and soon I begin to pant a little, getting a little short of breath. I felt light headed, with a mild head ache. It is strange to be just sitting there and suddenly you start breathing a little heavier just as if you were exercising. Hey, if that can trick my heart into thinking I am exercising, hmm, maybe it also does it to the rest of my body and I could use it to loose a few pounds. lol.

A few days ago I read something interesting. It was a story of a lady in her 80’s graduating from university. Geesh, memory guy here I can’t remember much of the story other than she was following a life time dream. I say good for her. I can’t remember if it said anything about her going to work in her chosen profession but that totally beside the point. She was living out, fulfilling a life time dream and good for her. She should be an inspiration to us all.

I have to wonder how many people are living unfulfilled lives. Possibly even unhappy lives because life, circumstances or what ever seemed to get in the way of them following and possibly living their dreams. I even have to wonder how many people really don’t even know what their dream life or job would be. I am sure for most it would include having more money. There is the old saying money can’t buy you happiness. Well I can understand what that is meant to mean but I still can’t help but think, while it may not buy me happiness, it would take away a lot of the pressures and stresses in life. But that may not be true either, we need a certain amout of pressure in our lives to help us or force us to grow and people. There has to be a balance there some where.

I can’t help but admire that lady getting her university degree while in her 80’s. She had a dream and fulfilled it. I am sure that life must have thrown a few curve balls her way or I can only imagine she would have fulfilled that dream earlier. It just re-enforces in my own mind it is never too late, have a dream, hang on to it and work towards it. You can and will get to it, ANYTHING is possible.

I would ask any that may read this to just stop and think about this single thought. “I have the entire rest of my life in front of me, what do I want to do with it?”

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Building ourselves within

November 14, 2010

Repost of a portion of a post from way back 02/07

I spend so much time reflecting back on my life. I seem to see things so differently now. Via email, I received one of those inspirational type messages. It was the story of a very skilled carpenter that took great pride and care in ensuring every job was done well. After many years of quality work, it reached the point he decided to retire and informed his employer of this. On hearing this his employer practically begged him to build on last house. Out of loyalty and respect for the employer he agreed. But as the construction began it was obvious his heart wasn’t in it. He began taking short cuts, using shoddy materials, putting forth less than his best effort, anything he could to just get through each day. Ultimately, the house was finished, on the outside it looked good and only the carpenter in his heart knew of the inferior work contained within. Upon completion the employer handed the carpenter the keys to the house, gifting it to him in recognition of the years of good work. Now only when it was to late did the carpenter regret the quality of the work he had put into building that house. Only then did he regret, every thing he had done. Things he had done just to make it a little easier to get through a particular day, were coming back to haunt him.

I see this as such a good comparison to life. Our inner selves our true selves are a continual work in progress, constantly, “under construction”. Our bodies are our personal houses. Housing the true us, our spirits contained within, during our time on this earth. Do we want to end up as the carpenter did? Reach our end, with our houses (bodies) looking good or at least OK. But, in our hearts knowing of all the flaws and defective workmanship contained within.

Is it possible to attain perfection, of course not. At least not in this physical world. We are human and as such will always have some internal imperfections. We can though at least try our best. Our every day, every act is one more step in the building of our internal selves. Our every act whether and act of love, kindness, cruelty, deceit or what ever put another brick in place in the construction of our inner selves. Every time we take the easy way over what we may know to be the right way, another brick.

If only we would stop and see the big picture, today is not just today. It is an important day in the building of the true me.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – We must never forget

November 11, 2010

Here in Canada today is Remberance Day. It is the one day of the year specifically set aside to honor and remember the Veterans that have served our country over the years. While serving their country, so many, too many have paid the ultimate price of doing so by giving their lives. How many more returned home after suffering with life changing debilitating wounds?? How many lives, how many families paid a terrible price when a husband, son, brother….. answered when their Country called upon them?

I have certainly come to value life. Come to realize how precious, how fleeting and how fragile it can be. Countless people both here via the blog and in emails have shared the stories of their struggles to just say alive while battling medical issues of one type or another. I can personally so relate to that struggle. The illness/disease may be different by the struggle is the same.  The struggle to hang on to this precious life of ours.

With that thought, it just blows my mind, that so many men and women are willing to put their own precious lives on the line, at risk for me. YES, I say for me and that same things applies to any that may read this. I live in Canada and am a very proud Canadian. This is a great place to live and I do have a wonderful life here. I can’t even begin to imagine how much different my life could or would be if over the generations brave men and women had not answered the call of their country. Going off, often to far distant lands to put their lives in harms way to help in even some small way to ensure I am able to maintain the wonderful life I have here/we all have here. This doesn’t just apply to Canada but to ALL countries. How can I possibly ever hope to thank them for that????

Some will ask, how can fighting a war on the other side of the world possibly help me individually. Now I do realize this answer is overly simplistic and even possibly selfish. Fight on the other side of the world to keep the fighting on the other side of the world and not allow it to get here to directly involve my family. Plus, as a citizen of this world, we just have to at times help out our world neighbors. I have heard the term “unpopular wars.” Now hearing that term, it has to mean some wars are popular, huh. irregardless though that war or peace keeping  or whatever it was our elected politicians, our governments that make the decision as to whether or not we as a country participate and then to what level. Our military did not make that decision, I made that decision,  you made that decision by electing the governments we did. Now please give that point some thought.

Our countries call and our brave men and women answer that call.

I don’t really have the words to describe how appreciative I am of the sacrifice made by each and every one of them. To say a mere thank you seems such a trivial way of expressing that appreciation but it is all I have. I thank all veterans, I thank all currently serving and I thank those that will serve in the future.

Taking a few minutes this one day of the year is the least I/We can do.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Kindness NOW

November 8, 2010

  “You  cannot do a kindness too  soon,
 for  you never know how soon it will be too  late.” 
—  Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Don’t take you day/life for granted.

November 3, 2010

Have you ever had one of those moments when talking to someone and their emotions were so raw, so open that you could feel their pain? That happened to Vi and I a short while ago.

I know all of my neighbors, some better than others. Some even just enough to exchange a good morning of even just a wave of the arm to say hello. This was the relationship that we had with Eugene and Barbara. In the summer often saw them in their back yard and the wave of greeting would be exchanged. I suppose it would be more accurate to say I knew who they were as opposed to saying I really knew them.

I saw Barbara out in the lane one day and called out the usual good day. Her response was not the customary wave, instead she came over and into the yard. Just one look at her face and it was apparent something was terribly wrong. Controlling her emotions as best she could, she told us Eugene had died. He had actually passed away several weeks before and the funeral had come and gone. Funeral being attended by family and a few close friends.

This news caught us totally off guard. Yes, we knew Eugene had a heart condition, actually very similar to my own. So while the news came as a big surprise, I think it is fair to say it wasn’t a great shock.Off guard or unprepared was what we were as Barbara told us of the events.

The emergency trip to the closest hospital, the transfer to a larger hospital for more intense care. The arrangements she had made for the funeral, right down to the smallest detail. She spoke of the lose of her husband of 47 years and of the whole it left inside of her and her loneliness. She told us of how one day while preparing supper she, I suppose out of habit had set a place for him at the table and of how hard it had been to put those same dishes back in the cupboard.

Hey, Howdle men don’t cry but by that time I did have water leaking out of the corner of my eyes. She had gotten out of bed that morning expecting it to be a “normal” day, she had no idea that fateful day would turn her world upside down. Her life is changed forever and how quickly and unexpectedly it happened. Her life is changed forever and that doesn’t mean it with time won’t be good again. She is just not at the point where she can see or even imagine that.

How many times have I written it is so much harder on the families? I have even written on how to talk to the dying, or at least how I would feel comfortable. Yet, here I was I knew there were just no words to comfort her ad I was sure she had heard them all already. We were both left speechless, holding her hand as she let all the pain flow out and there was a lot and I know still is. Ah, the right words to say?????

We have vowed to become more than neighbors that just wave to each other over the fence and will try to be there for her as we can. Many times I believe even just listening, validating feelings is the best and maybe all you can do.

I ask any that may read this. Please just think about this. When you get up tomorrow morning, do you really KNOW how you day will end?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Pray for those in pain

November 1, 2010

I received this message on another site on which I sometimes write. This message seemed to almost break my heart and had me on the verge of tears as it is like I can feel the pain of the writer. I ask for prayers please. As the message was not directed specifically to this site, I am copying only the text of the message. I will be inviting this person to join us here and I ask for prayers and warm loving supportive comments please.

The message: 

Thank you! I can’t tell you what it means to have a place where I don’t need to feel guilty that I’m laying my angush, my anger, my pain.
When do I stop hurting? 21 years after the death of my son , I find myself feeling guilty over the happiness that I’m about to give birth to a new little baby boy.
Distress….emergency….life….death, bury a new life, Logan, death, mother, internal.
Ceaseless, waiting for
the end.