October 29, 2013
We saw the surgeon yesterday about Vi’s legs. They have an action plan. Turns out she has a major calcified blockage in the arteries leading to each of her legs. She will require both surgery and an angioplasty on each side. Understandably she is a little apprehensive. Here in Canada the quality of medical care is excellent. It is just to get the care wait times are the norm.
it is expected to be into the New Year before she is called in.
October 28, 2013
Tomorrow is a big day. A day we have been waiting. I have written of Vi having major issues with her legs causing pain with ever decreasing amounts of movement hopefully tests are over. Tomorrow is the appointment with the vascular surgeon where we hope to hear of a plan of action. Be what it may let’s just get this done.
October 23, 2013
I have come to realize over all this time. In my mind there is something worse than dying. What could be worse than that?
To me, not living, life while we have it is far worse. I know, I was right there on the treadmill that can become our lives. Constantly running just trying to keep up with the events of the day. The pace is ever increasing to the point where any day we get through with out having to face some sort of catastrophe becomes our definition of a good day. I was there and know what that is like.
Out transition into that thinking comes on so slowly we don’t even realize it is happening. That process becomes our norm, what we expect for our days. Now, I ask, if my expectation of tomorrow is another frenzied day after which I will just flop into bed utterly exhausted. Content that I have made it through one more day and happy if I made it through that day without having to face and deal with some sort of crisis. Is that living life or just putting in our time until our days are done?
Granted our days are busy, that is just life today. I so very much wish I could have seen and appreciated the value of time in my younger, healthier years. I wasted far to much of it allowing myself to get upset, stressed. Each second I spent like that was time gone forever.
One example. I hated waiting in line ups be that in traffic or even getting through the line at the check out in a store. It was wasting so much of my time. “This store should have more check out tills open, don’t they realize they are wasting my time making me stand here waiting like this”
I took me a long time to realize in a situation like that, it was not the store causing me to waste my precious time. I was, I was doing it to myself. I was there and nothing I could do about it. I could have used it as quiet time, done some people watching, used the time to quietly de -stress. I deprived myself of that time. Think about your day really how much precious time do you waste.
a second of negativity is a second of joy gone forever
October 22, 2013
I really believe in not sweating the small stuff. I think we all agree with that idea. Why is it so hard to put into practice? In the heat of the moment, issues came be blown way out of proportion. It is only later we can sit back and often even laugh about it, see it for what it was, small stuff. I often try to use my 3 month rule. What ever I am dealing with as big as it may seem at that moment. I try to use the though process, in 3 months is this something I am likely to care about, laugh about or even remember .
to try and put things in a little prospective as you are running through your days. Let me tell of a real life experience happening at this moment to a good friend and neighbour of ours. He is well advanced in years with congestive heart failure (sounds familiar). Doctors have indicated he a now in palliative care (again sounds familiar), doctors have said it is a matter of days, possibly weeks (hmm, I have heard those same words). nothing more can be done (yikes). It is at this point that quality of life vs quantity of life becomes a major consideration. Acceptable amount of quality is just no longer there. He was hospitalized at the time and largely at his request and reluctant agreement of family it was decided to cease all medication, placing it all in the hands of our Heavenly Father. With a DNR in place there is nothing that could be done in the hospital that can’t be done at home. Home is is preference and at home he is.
Now begins that terrible waiting game. I think of him just laying there, literally knowing he is just waiting to die. I think of the emotion, the pain the family is feeling as they sit awaiting that same end.
I ask you to just think about that. How does your day look now?