Dying Man’s Daily journal – Do we matter?

September 28, 2012

Last week I  again saw the neurologist about the headaches. He gave me a needle in the side of the head and it did seem to help. I saw him again Wednesday for the second injection and guess what I woke up this morning with NO HEAD ACHE. Have said a little prayer of thanks. this feels so nice. Have to go for blood work this morning, seeing the doctor next week about my breathing.

I have had a thought running around in my head for the past while. It comes from something I got off a TV show a few weeks back. Now memory guy here, holding true to form, I can’t remember the show. There was a gentleman being interviewed (can’t remember his name either) about his thoughts on dying. One of his comments stuck with me, I suppose as it caught me a little off guard and was a different line of thinking or at least something I had given any thought to. Here is his explanation of why we dread the thought of dying or at least as best I can remember.

“We dread the thought of being forgotten about, of not being missed. We dread the thought of passing without having accomplished anything. Did our lives matter?”

Believe me,I can understand and relate to each of those points.

Geesh, I have stopped for coffee and just plain old wasted so much time, I have to head out for that blood  work. I have more to say on this but I ask each reader here to help me out by telling me what your own thoughts about your own lives are in this regard.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Non living of life

September 24, 2012

Well another summer has gone by and it went so quickly surely I must have missed a good part of it or something. How could time go by that quickly? With the head aches there were individual days that seemed to last forever but even so it came and it went in the blink of an eye.

I am feeling almost like a bit of a hypocrite of something. Here on the blog about enjoying life to the fullest, enjoy what we have while we have it. Now what do I do myself? I have had this (#@*&) headache for over 3 months and I let it pretty much stop me in my tracks. I found myself more just laying around moaning, groaning and feeling sorry for myself. That is not a fun way to live life. I found myself continually saying, it is just a headache and in the big picture it is not such a big deal. OK, now that is so easy to say but at the moment when your head is just rocking and banging. it is so hard not to just get absorbed in the moment. Some of the things tried had brought some temporary relief but nothing that lasts.

Doctors are still trying different things. Waiting for the MRI in mid November to check on the old brain tumor. Well I am tired of this non living of life. I bought an eye patch a while back as the left eye is very sensitive to light but somehow never really got into wearing it. I found myself avoiding going outside because it was too bright and would hurt. WELL PUT ON YOUR EYE PATCH YOU IDIOT!! I got to the point where I was avoiding even coming to the computer as even with sun glasses looking at the computer screen got to my eye. Geesh, you think I would learn. PUT ON YOU EYE PATCH YOU IDIOT!!! Yes I am pretending I am a pirate and am wearing my eye patch as I write this.

I find I miss the blog, I need the blog as it brings me a lot of internal peace of mind.

So life isn’t as I would like it to be. There are limitations but I can still make the best of what I have.

I have said it before, I often write about what I am struggling with. So there you have it for today.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I could do something

September 19, 2012

I came across an article in today’s issue of the Winnipeg Free Press. It is an editorial written by Lindor Reynolds. What she writes is a very heart warming, touching story. It is about a man that should be an inspiration and a role model for us all. I have tried to convey the message contained in her article but realize Ms. Reynolds writing ability exceeds my own. I have there for taken the liberty of copying and reposting it here. This is the article written by Lyndor Reynolds in today’s issue of the Winnipeg Free Press. Please lest me know what you think.

Passengers on a Winnipeg Transit bus were stunned Tuesday morning when their driver pulled over near the corner of Portage and Main, got off, removed his shoes and gave them to a complete stranger.”Honestly, I was left speechless,” said Denise Campbell, a passenger on the No. 24 bus. “I was thinking, ‘Oh no, there’s a problem, or maybe he’s waiting for someone who’s running to catch the bus.’ Then he stepped off.”She described the driver as in his mid-20s. She’s been on his bus before and says he’s always very polite.

“He says ‘Hey buddy’ to the man. He’s chatting with the fellow. They’re about the same age. I thought he knew him. All of a sudden, the driver takes his shoes off. He hands them to the man. He gets back on the bus. He has no shoes on. He’s just got his socks on.”

The man on the street was wearing a jacket but was barefoot.

The incident was over quickly and then the bus was back in motion. Campbell said she had a tear running down her cheek, moved by the spontaneous act of altruism.

Campbell said another passenger approached the driver and asked him why he did it.

“He said, ‘I just saw him walking and thought, “Hey, I could do something.” ‘ ”

What a simple, powerful statement. Hey: I could do something. Mull that over for a few minutes. It resonates.

Campbell works for the Winnipeg Foundation. When she arrived at work, she told her colleagues about the driver’s actions. Then she went online to Community News Commons (www.communitynewscommons.org), a news site sponsored by the foundation, and posted the story.

Winnipeg started talking. By mid-afternoon, it was tweeted and reposted on Facebook. The story of a man who did something remarkable is spreading like wildfire. Campbell fielded media calls all day.

Winnipeg Transit would not identify the driver Tuesday. In an email statement, transit director Dave Wardrop gave the driver credit for his good deed.

“We have all been struck by the generosity and kindness of this Winnipeg Transit bus operator. It serves as a reminder of the compassion and commitment demonstrated by City of Winnipeg employees throughout the community on a daily basis,” he wrote.

I asked the city spokespeople the obvious questions. Will the driver be recognized for his good deed? Or will he be reprimanded for an unauthorized stop and driving without shoes?

They responded by email:

“The driver’s compassion and good intentions have been acknowledged.”

Great. I hope the acknowledgement involves a parade and the keys to the city. This guy is an inspiration. Imagine if all of us took a second look at a person in need and said “Hey, I could do something.” What a world we’d live in.

Floyd Perras, executive director of Siloam Mission, was delighted when I told him the story. He said the man on the street was likely homeless.

“I guess he (the driver) found a person in an impossible situation and decided to help him,” he said. “I’ve seen people do that before. They’ll take off a brand-new parka and drape it over the shoulders of someone who is outside and cold. You’re the person on the scene and you take action.”

Here’s my proposal: Why don’t we all give it a try? Instead of being naysayers, instead of condemning the homeless or walking past someone who is lost, in trouble or hungry, why not stop? Why not say “Hey, I could do something?”

If you think the panhandlers are all bums, do something for someone else. Hold a door open. Compliment a stranger. Give your shoes away if you feel moved to commit a spontaneous act of kindness.

It’s easy to get lost in the tedium of everyday problems, in the sense that we have to blame the dogsbody of the day for whatever gripe we have with the world.

Repeat after me: Hey, I could do something. Start today. You can change the world.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Why you SHOULD visit the dying

September 2, 2012

Over the past while I have written of Vi’s mum Nellie being in the hospital. That Nellie is a smart lady in the past couple of months she has been hospitalized twice, each time she has waited until she was in the hospital before having a heart attack. Currently she is at home and doing as well as can be hoped for.

While she was in the hospital I had a chat with her. There are a couple of things that she said that just keep running around in my head making my heart just ache.

To set the stage, it was right after the last heart attack and she was being given a lot of medication. Most of the conversation was just a nice little visit but her mind did on occasion wander off to some far past time and she would ask to see long gone friends or relatives. Then suddenly she was “back” and the normal conversation just carried on. Through our the entire time it was obvious she was struggling with memory. Then the conversation went something like this:

Nellie: Does everyone know I am here?.

Me: I think so.

Nellie: I am in the hospital, I am dying, doesn’t anyone care enough to come to see me!

Now at this point her eyes had welled up. It was heart breaking to see

Now this was just one of her “memory” moments. There are many that care and many that visit her. It was just that at that moment her memory was failing her It is just at that moment. I think she was feeling hearty broken that no one cared enough to visit, lonely and afraid. I was sitting there holding her hand and reminded her of who had been then and who would be coming. Just hearing that seem to comfort and reassure her making her feel much better. She was tired and I left shortly after that.

Her words:  ” I am in the hospital, I am dying, doesn’t anyone care enough to come to see me!”

I just ask all to think about those words