Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Spending Life

November 30, 2009

I received a beautiful email from a dear blogging friend. One line of the message just jumped out at me. It is just too good not to share.

Life is a coin, you can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it

Think about that. Are we spending it wisely

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I was the champion

November 29, 2009

I have written of the “high drama” here at the house as the “Championship of the World” crib tournament is being held between my Aunt Isabel and myself.

I described it as high drama, I could also say: tension filled the room, with much thought and care going into each card being played. I could say that but none of it would be true. There was a lot of laughing and joking, a great time being had. The results you may wonder about. Each game was close, with both fighting to peg points a the finish.

Hum, well how do I word this, I lost again. I consider this to be only a minor set back as we are about to go at it again.

I will point out I did consider myself “world champion” this morning. How did this come about may be asked. This morning I remembered something Aunt Isabel said last night. “I will leave it up to you as to when we have the actual tournament.”

This morning I am up, it is 5:00am. I am sitting at the kitchen table sipping my morning coffee. Her words came back to me and I realized I can call for the official tournament anytime I like. Yeah, there is no time like the present. I decided the official tournament would be held at 5:10am this morning. I mean she did say I could call it for anytime I wanted.

Now this did present me with a bit of a moral dilemma. At that time she was still in bed sleeping. Being a gentleman, I decided it was way to early to even consider knocking on the bedroom door to wake her up. I felt it was best to let her get her sleep.

What to do though, the official tournament time had been announced. The time came and went. As she failed to show up, the official judge (me) declared she had lost by default, forfeiting the title  and I was in fact the new champion.

I was able to bask in the glory of being the champion. I “basked” right up until the moment she actually got her hands on a deck of cards. My time of basking was then brought to an abrupt halt.

Ah, back to try again.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Vi’s Mum

November 29, 2009

A special thank you to all that have offer their prayers for Vi’s mum. She remains in the hospital listed as being in fair condition. Hearing the word fair I had to question the meaning. She is stable but in considerable discomfort. From the swollen lumps and many bruises, I can understand the discomfort. Continued prayers please.


Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Please Prayers for Vi’s Mum

November 29, 2009

Yesterday, I mentioned a special prayer request, I would be making.

I ask for prayers for Vi’s mum, Nellie Chevillard. Nellie is in her 80’s and was hopitalized after taking a nasty fall. Nellie is a very determined and independant soul. Needing the use of the bathroom and upon finding the one on the main floor of her home was in use, she quietly went about climbing the stairs to the bathroom on the second level of the home.

She navigated her way part way up the stairs before taking the express elevator down. That is she came down heal over heels. Her trip up the stairway was done in such silence no one realized she was up and about. Not so with the trip down apparently the thumping and banging drew the attention of all.

An ambulance was called and she was rushed to the hospital. Thankfully xrays show no broken bones, just scraps and some really nasty looking bruises. Based on the bruises I saw nasty looking is an understatement.

Blessings can sometimes come in the most unexpected forms. How could this be considered a blessing in disguise. The xrays while revealing no broken bones did show a huge build up of fluid around her heart and lungs. Big enough that if left unattended could have well been fatal. Fluid build up, congestive heart failure is something I am very familiar with. Medication was and still is being administered to help her pass the excess fluid. Tests are scheduled to help determine the cause of this build up. Prayers please.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Medical update

November 28, 2009

I know I have said it hundreds of times, but I AM A LUCKY MAN. When I think of it, maybe luck doesn’t have anything to do with it. Our Heavenly Father has surrounded me with both Heavenly Angels and Earth Angels.

A couple a days ago I wrote of having an appointment at the heart failure clinic. During the appointment the doctor advised he would like to have a special test done on my heart but cautioned the waiting list for this test was months long. OK, I will just wait to be notified of when it is. It turns out where they do this ultra sound is just down the hall from the clinic. It turns out doctor Tam decided to walk down the hall to check to see when such an appointment would be available. Turns out they had a last minute cancellation and could do it right then.

The doctor was able to see there is an issue with one of the valves in my heart and a further test is required. I discuss this all by phone with Kelly, one of the gifted nurses at the clinic. Again I am told the waiting list can be months long. Again, my Angels step in. literally, I have just hung up the phone after talking with Kelly and it rings again. It is the department of the hospital where this additional test is to be done. I have an appointment on Dec. 7th.. To get an appointment that quickly means your are pretty high on the priority list, health wise that is.

this may sound backwards to some, but I am praying they do find something wrong. It is then that they can treat or fix it My breathing in particular is becoming more of an issue. An issue can only really be dealt with if and when you get to the root cause.

I am getting excited, Aunt Isabel arrives today. It is going to be a great weekend. Plus, there will be the “Champion of the World Title” placed on the line as we play crib. Being a “world” championship I am surprised all the major TV networks aren’t lining up to televise the games. lol.

This afternoon, I will be putting up a very special and personal prayer request. At that time I will explain why it is not going up now.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Live Life

November 25, 2009

Ever had one of those days when you just feel restless or something. You are not quite sure what to do with yourself. Feel like you want to do something or even need to do something but just have no idea a to what.

Talked to Kelly this morning. She is a very very nice lady, a nurse at the heart failure clinic I think I wrote about an appointment I had there a couple of weeks ago and of how I lucked into having a test done immediately. Sort of being in the right place at the right time. I got some, I suppose you would call preliminary results back on the test results. I am sure I will be writing more on that just not in the mood right now.

I came across a saying last night that really struck me. Huh, memory guy here, I can’t remember where I came across it or even the exact wording. It was the message contained in the words that got me. I know I have come across this saying before and maybe even posted about it, don’t remember.

The message was to the effect. “While we are on this adventure of life, why do we take every thing seriouly. It is not like any of us are going to get out of it alive.”

Some thoughts seem to impact on me in different ways at different times. I hope I was able to find the words to get the point of the message across in the way I meant it.

I think about that.  We are all people, all individuals in our own ways. Where we are all identical is that each of us was born into this world and each of us will in their own time leave it. Common bonds that we all share and there is no getting away from that, try as we may.

I image our Heavenly Father as having a calendar, one for each of us. On that calendar is stamped two dates. The day we will enter this world and the day we will leave it. We all have that in common.

Where we differ widely is how we will spend the time between those two dates. Our free will gives us that choice on a daily basis. We can live, learn from and enjoy our days, Or we can endure them.

What is my definition of enduring life? I use what is a look back  in my own life for that.

To me endure life as opposed to living it is:

– being so caught up on the frenzied speed of the treadmill of live, that each day passes in a blur. We are continually moving at such a frantic pace we take no time to look at and enjoy the beauty of life, of the world around us.

– we struggle with each day, struggle just to get through it. We put our heads down, plodding away. We are so determined to keep moving we have tunnel vision and fail to see the beauty of life or the world around us.

– we find ourselves in an intolerable situation but fail to do anything about it. We fool ourselves into thinking we don’t have the time or energy to change it. We deprive ourselves of the beauty of life or of the world around us.

– Always wanting something more, or something different in our lives. Not stopping to really look, see and appreciate what is already there.

– there are dozens, no more like hundreds or even thousand of excuses we all use as need to justify not living life. We do it without even realizing we are doing it, or realizing what it is we are depriving ourselves of.

Life is the greatest gift of all, what a shame it is to waste something so precious.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – My struggle with dying

November 24, 2009

Something has over the past few weeks been brought to my attention by 4 separate internet friends. Each in turn very politely and gently asked why I never or at least only very occasionally write about death and dying. I suppose considering even the very name of my blog, that would be the fore most topic of discussion.

I should explain, I get a lot of email and I do appreciate every one the jokes the wise saying all of it, please keep them coming. I realize thoughts of death and dying are very personal and very private for many. We share thoughts and feelings back and forth in the more private one on one setting of email.

My first thought to this was, what are you talking about? I share those thoughts often. Then as I thought more of it I realize that well be more via the emails than here on the blog.

Three of the messages in a very gentle way went on to essentially ask if I might be in some sort of denial since I never or rarely write about it.

I have been giving this some serious thought, this is an important issue or it is to me anyway.

I think this depends on your definition or use of the word denial. So where am I at with all of this. I do know my days are numbered, I accept that. I have my affairs in order. I believe I am ready to answer the call when the Good Lord calls me home. I am not afraid to face that day. In this way I do not believe I am in denial. I love my life on this earth and am saddened at the thought of leaving it and those in it.

I am struggling to find the wording to get the message across as I mean it. Maybe I am using a form of denial in my daily life. Maybe, it is like I carry a form of it around in my pocket to be pulled out and used as needed. I accept my health conditions, with that comes that very deep sadness. That feeling of sadness if real and runs through my entire being. I struggle to deny that feeling of sadness to over whelm and take over my entire being. If I allowed that to happen, I could turn into a blubbering crying mess. What would that accomplish? it would deprive me of the very life I so enjoy and am saddened at the thought of leaving. The inner me would quit living my life before the physical me does.

I know what I am trying to say. Does it make sense the way I have expressed it?

The Good Lord has placed a time and a date on a Heavenly calendar. I don’t know that time or date. I do know I can’t change it. What I can do is focus on truly living my life right up to the last minute. If I am saddened by the thought of leaving it, why would I give up on it. Is that a form of denial? Maybe, I am not sure. I may not have a tomorrow or a next week but I do have this minute and I am going to make the most of it.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Seeking tips

November 23, 2009

Yesterday was a good day for a lot of reasons but for 3 in particular.

Vi came home. she has spent the past week up in Thompson baby sitting grandchildren.

The refrigerator is out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Which means the kitchen reno is virtually complete. Just a few trim board and things like that need to be finished. And “I DID IT ALL MYSELF”. I suppose to be fair I should acknowledge that Earth Angel Henri Chevillard and others may have helped a bit. Maybe instead of saying a bit, I should say helped “some” but I DID THE REST OF IT. OK, OK you got me, Earth Angel Henri did about 90% of the work but I DID THE REST.  Oh wait, Eric and Lynda did help when they could, there was also brother-in-law Neal……. Hmm, maybe I should be saying every job needs a good supervisor and I DID THAT or at least between naps I DID THAT. I thank God for the Earth Angels in my life. I have to do a post on that. I think of Henri. He donated literally hundreds of hours. I say donated I mean that, when I tried to pay him at least a little something he politely declined. Knowing there are people such as this in this world of ours just makes me feel good inside.

Yesterday I got a phone call that has me excited. This weekend my Aunt Isabel is coming for a visit. I really enjoy her visits and spending time with her. I know I have written about past visits.

Now this is going to be more than just a nice visit. During the visit “a world championship title” will be place on the line. In the past Aunt Isabel and I have battled long and hard for this title. This weekend the title will again be on the line.

We both enjoy playing the card game crib. In a visit we will play numerous games. Two or three years ago we sat down to play and I declared it to be for the championship of the world. One game and the winner takes the title. Very quickly I realized for something as Important as the “Championship of the World” instead of one game it should be 2 out of 3, then 3 out of 5, no best of seven. She took the title home with her to Swan River.

We played again about a year later. Aunt Isabel put the title on the line. Still stinging from the defeat of the year before, I sought ways to possibly distract her or make her feel the pressure. Would she crack under the additional pressure if I made it a high “stakes money” game. I outlined the rules to her. It was to be best of seven plus to even enter the tournament we each had to ante up 25 cents. Well she didn’t crack under this additional pressure and again the title returned with her to Swan River.

We have a lot of fun playing. I am looking forward to the visit. Any tips or suggestions on how I can gain the edge , I mean this is for the “Championship of the World”.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Reuniting with high school buddy/ prayer request

November 20, 2009

Yesterday was a very special day for me. About a month ago right here on the blog I got a message from a high school buddy of mine.

Chuck Paxton and I were good friends through high school. Sadly, as is so often the case right after high school our individual lives took us in different directions and we lost contact. It is mind boggling to me when I think, high school, that was 38 years ago. How did 38 years go by so very quickly.

Memory or at least mine is a funny thing. There are often times when I can’t remember something that happened an hour ago, but I have memories of things that happened 40 years ago.

For Chuck and I my memories go way back to even before we had girl friends. One day maybe I will post some of the “high jinx” we got up to.

My memories carry back to another high school friend. Teri Dowler definitely fell into the cute chick category. I can remember way back to when Teri and Chuck started dating. They did make such a good couple. I think that was in grade 11. I chuckle now when I think of how our friendship evolved. I can’t say our friendship began before we discovered girls, oh, we knew they were there. There is a big step involved for young guys going from “knowing” they are there to having the nerve to talk to one or even ask a girl out. We were friends through that stage. I chuckle because I think back to how our “priorities” changed. We for sure remained friends we just didn’t hang out together as much. I am sure Chuck will echo these same feelings back to me. It was sort of, huh, hang out with Chuck on a Friday night or go on a date with a girl. That certainly didn’t seem to be a hard decision. We double dated on occasion and the friendship carried on.

I had know Teri before they started dating but obviously got to know her better as she dated Chuck. I think I was about 16 at the time and as I got to know her better, I could see not only was she a cute hot chick she was also very very nice. Through high school we went.

Now, I want to say I attended their wedding about a year or two after high school. Hey, I am memory guy and will have to leave it at, I am pretty sure I attended their wedding. From there we pretty much disappeared from each others lives. Careers, life in general taking us in different directions.

Chuck and I only reconnects a month or two ago when he reached out through cyber space, found me here on the blog and left me a message. Since then emails have been going back and forth, with an occasional phone call thrown in.

Chuck was scheduled to actually be passing through Winnipeg,yesterday, He kindly stopped over to the house for a visit. Time restraints made the visit short but we reconnected as friends. So much time has passed we could have met as virtual strangers but for me anyway it wasn’t like that. We immediately fell into the comfortable feeling you have when talking to a dear friend.

Chuck, I thank you so very much for first off locating and then reaching out to contact me and for then taking the time to stop by for a visit. I appreciate it buddy. Let’s please try to stay in touch.

Reestablishing the friendship is great, no question of that. Sadly, it is not all good news. Teri passed away April 27/09.  I quote from one of our emails.

“Teri was diagnosed with lung cancer in Oct ’07 and spent the neat year and a half going thru chemo, radiation treatments and major surgery trying to beat it, but nothing worked and she passed away April 27 ’09”.

When I read that email, I did get a lump in my throat and tears did come to the eyes.

Only, yesterday did I learn Teri had initially be stricken with cancer 30 years ago. Went through all the treatments and beat it, such a strong and courageous lady. Chuck and family, my heart is bleeding for you.

So very many times I have said it is so much more difficult for the families. Chuck is a strong man and will get past this with time. Talking to him yesterday I could see and feel his pain at the loose of a life time partner.

I ask please for prayers for Chuck, his family and all that are currently in or facing such a very difficult and painful time.

Chuck, buddy, I may not have been around for you in the past, I didn’t know. But know I am here now.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayer Request

November 19, 2009

Physically am feeling fine, just still have the worn out feeling but better than before. Seem to have an extreme case of what I call my wonkie head going on. Have started 3 or 4 different posts in which I have been on a roll just rambling away. Taken a break and come back and have been unable to pick up my thought process or where it was I was going or trying to say. I have dozens and dozens of those kind of saved posts. I read them now and keep thinking I must have some thought in mind or some point I wanted to make. Who knows? Maybe I was just rambling away with the thoughts of the moment that lead no where.

We all know that everyone we meet in life is fighting their own battles, facing their own issues. We all wear a mask, the face we put on for the world to see. On the surface we may see the lives of others as being just so perfect or wonderful. We just can’t see beyond the public face they are putting on. We all have our issues. I am asking please for what I suppose could be called a general prayer for everyone. May every single person on this planet receive the love and the support they need in this day. May both Heavenly and Earth Angels abound this day.