Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Trick or Treat

October 31, 2007

I hope all the children that partake in Halloween have a wonderful, exciting but safe time.

When I think back I sort of remember how exciting it was, to be going out and get CANDY and as much as you could. A kid’s dream come true. Pillow cases were the order of the day and still are. What great times we had, the 3 Howdle brothers going up and down the street gathering our loot. At times even having to return home temporarily to empty our bags as they were becoming to full or to heavy.

We always went with 3 or 4 other neighbor kids but with no parent supervision. It just wasn’t felt to be needed and really wasn’t back then. It was extremely rare to see a parent out on the street. For us it truly was such and exciting and wonderful time.

I can only hope every child that “hits” the sidewalks this evening will have as much fun as we all did back then.

Now, Vi and I both enjoy going to answer the door and see the cute little ones all dressed up in their costumes.

I hope all will by a few candies and hand them out. It is only once a year and you do brighten the day of a little one, that in itself is worth it.

I am just sitting thinking, isn’t it strange. We spend 364 days of the year telling our children, “DON’T TAKE CANDY FROM STRANGERS” now we are telling them to go out and ask for it?????

I hope a wonderful and safe time is had by all.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Last Memories

October 29, 2007

 Coming to terms with Vi’s upcoming surgery and Shauna’s health. Vi’s surgery is actually elective. It is to correct an issue many ladies I am told face as they mature, if they have had babies. She doesn’t seem overly concerned so neither will I. Now as for Shauna it is about time they are doing something for her. She has been having terrible headaches for a couple of years now, even being hospitalized several times for them. Prayers are always so appreciated.

The past week has been rather hectic, more so for Vi than for me. Through out last week we had Renee and Riley as house guests. Renee, being the wife of our dear friend Grant, who had suffered a heart attack. I am happy to say Grant on Friday was well enough to be flown back to their home town of The Pas, to the hospital there. Renee and Riley also left Friday morning.

Saturday morning we truly were blessed to have a visit from Darrin and Janice, friends from Thompson. I am so grateful they took the time to stop in for a visit. They were passing through town, back to Thompson from what sounds to be a wonderful vacation.

Vi’s daughter Lynelle flew in from Thompson on Saturday afternoon. Actually, it is a conversation I had with Lynelle, on Sunday afternoon, that really has me thinking today. Vi was having a nap, so it was just Lynelle and myself at the kitchen table talking. It was very nice.

On Saturday night the ladies Vi and Lynelle had gone to a party at a friends house and had a great time and for that I am so glad. Their evening out was included as a part of our conversation.

I have a situation that I am just not sure how to deal with. Lynelle related a conversation she had with Vi at some point. Vi feels guilty when she goes out and leaves me alone, the what ifs come into her mind. When she comes home she is worried or nervous about entering the house. Afraid I may have had another heart attack and she may find me sprawled on the kitchen floor or something. I am just not sure how I can put her mind or those of my family more at ease about this.

Maybe there just is no way, I don’t know, I would appreciate suggestions. OK, the reality of the matter is, it could be today, but it also could be tomorrow, or next week or even next year, there just is no way of telling when dealing with the heart. Personally, my “target” is for years down the line.

I guess my point is we just can’t sit back and put our lives on hold or in limbo, just waiting. We all have lives and need to LIVE them each day to the fullest. I must live my life to the fullest, but at the same time I must encourage all others to do the same. THAT INCLUDES YOU ALL, MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, EVERYONE.

How unfair, unkind or even unloving, would it be for me to suddenly expect everyone to put their own lives on hold for me, because I am sick. I realize each of my loved ones are going through this whole process with me, whether they are physically at my side or not. Because I do love them all so much I want to make this whole affair as easy on them as possible. Don’t deprive yourself of living life, of having happiness and joy, live life do things you know will be fun. I have never expected anyones life to revolve around me, why should I start to expect that now.

There are days, I know, it is hard not to feel down or start the slide into a pity party, been there, done that. How unloving would it be of me to drag those I love, down there with me.

I have thought to myself, when my time does come, how do I want to leave things. Do I want my loved ones last memories of me to be of a whining, crying, nasty old goat????NO NO NO.

To all the families that are facing the loss of a loved one. Please spend some extra time, show your love and support for your loved one. BUT, please don’t put your entire live on hold. The circumstances you are facing are just as hard on you, if not even harder than on the actual patient. Take care of yourself and do some of the things you need to do for you.

As to the patients, I speak to you as someone that actually is in your shoes, I understand what it is like. It sucks and is a position none of us want to be in. We can accept we have a limited number of days left and try to enjoy each on, or we can choose to be miserable. Not enjoy our last days and not allow anyone else around us to share and enjoy loving times and have happy memories. Either way it doesn’t change the ultimate outcome of all of this. It only effects the love and joy we experience or don’t experience in our last days.

It is a struggle, but I have made my choice

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – More prayers please

October 26, 2007

Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and will definitely be taking advantage of my nap time today. I will be surprising many when they look and see, I did respond to many wonderful comments left for me yesterday. All comments are wonderful and so appreciated, If I don’t respond to any particular comment just know it wasn’t because of not caring or appreciating.

More medical news, our friend Grant that suffered the recent heart attack is greatly improved. He may today be flown back to The Pas, the town in which they live. To the hospital there, not home quite yet. I do thank all that offered up prayers for him.

I again ask for prayers, this time both for my dear Vi and daughter Shauna.

Vi visited her gyn yesterday and is now scheduled for surgery in several weeks. Female issues relating to the bladder.

Spoke to my daughter Shauna last night and find her family doctor feels she may have meningitis. Obviously, not the you are dead in 24 hours kind. They are trying to set up a rush appointment with a neurologist.

Yesterday, was quite the day. May try to write more later. But I ask all for prayers please

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Good News/not so good news

October 24, 2007

Yesterday was a mixture of good news and what I suppose is some not so good news. I thank all that mentioned our dear friend Grant in their prayers. Grant had an angioplasty done with a stent being placed in his heart. The angioplasty clears a blockage on one of the arteries in the heart and the stent in put in to ensure the blocked area remains clear and open. He is doing well and we are all so grateful and thankful.

Now for the not so good news. I go for regular blood tests, the doctors monitor the levels of all sorts of things. There must be about 12 or 15 different things they check. I know it isn’t going to be good when the doctor phones wanting to see me between regular appointments. It means he has received the last results from the blood tests and feels he needs to see me, now, and can’t wait until the next regular appointment.

His receptionist phoned last Thursday and schedule an appointment for yesterday afternoon. I go in knowing he won’t be having good news but still he caught me a little by surprise. “Bill, you are a walking heart attack, just waiting to happen, all your blood test levels are way up.” I think he may have realized immediately how that may have sounded and quickly tried to calm or reassure me. “Don’t go getting all stressed or excited on me now, I brought you in so we can try to deal with it.”

Some may think his wording may be harsh or something, but I like that about Dr. C. he tells me as it is. No beating around the bush and I do appreciate that. He was glad to hear my next scheduled appointment with my cardiologist is in about 3 weeks or he would have been trying to make such an appointment asap.

Now doesn’t news like that just take the shine off of your day. Strangely the more I sit and think of it, I realize this may have been a bit of awake up call that I needed to hear. A bit of a reminder of where I am in life. I realize I have somehow over time allowed myself to become, I am not sure if complacent is the right word to use. I so see I have to some extent slipped back into my old ways of just taking life for granted. Sort of never mind what the doctors are saying, I am doing fine. I have survived 4 heart attacks and maybe I am bullet proof and defy all the odds. I know for everyone, sooner or later the odds will catch up with you.

Only, once have I ever been given any sort of a time estimate as to how much time I do have left. He was my family doctor at the time and he was very reluctant to give an estimate on my time left and really only gave in after I bullied and badgered him, It was something I really needed to know at that time. I will never forget his words. “There is really no way to tell, it could be 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, a year, maybe a year and one half or even 2 years if you are lucky.” OK, these were words I really didn’t want to hear, but again I am thankful he was upfront and honest with me. I really do want to know where things stand and how I am really doing. I do understand the doctors are merely making educated guesses, no one other than the Good Lord above knows when I will be called home. Since then no doctor has been willing to make such a guess, each just stressing there is no way to tell, keep your mind set positive and focus on a longer time period. There is an old saying, “living on borrowed time”. Is that what I am doing? I don’t know, just know, I am a greedy guy when it comes to things like this and be assured if I borrowed time, I borrowed lots of it.

It seems my body is starting to not react to certain medications in the manner in which it is supposed to. My diabetes seems to be acting up and I may soon go beyond treatment with pills to insulin. My liver is unhappy and the doctor questioned by about my alcohol consumption. I will have a beer now and again but really not all that often. I would guess, if I bought a dozen beer for just myself that after a year I would likely still have 2 or 3 left over. He really stressed zero alcohol, well that is an indulgence I can easily forgo. I tried to joke with Vi afterwards, “gee, if I quite drinking cold turkey, do you think I will have to go through withdrawal of some sort”. She just laughed and assured me, she didn’t think it would be an issue.

OK, back to the first doctor that gave me a time estimate, I have great respect for him both as a person and as a doctor but guess what, I proved him wrong. Two years if I am lucky, haa, the first week in November will be 3 years. I am going to have to have some sort of a celebration. Celebrate the fact I am alive. Would anyone like to join with me in that celebration, not just that I am alive but that you are alive on that day? Life is something we all seem to just take for granted, or at least I know I always used to. We celebrate on special occasions, when I think of it, isn’t the fact we are alive the biggest reason to celebrate there ever could be. Am I suggesting we turn everyday into a big part, of course not.I am suggesting we turn each day into a celebration within our selves, in our minds and hearts. Celebrate life each day, or at the very least take even a short moment to reflect and be grateful for it, and for the lives of our loved ones and those close to us.

Don’t take life for granted, celebrate it, enjoy it. Don’t waste any time on foolish negativity. Every second or minute wasted is time gone forever, we can never get it back. Every minute wasted is precious time gone forever. Each of us only have a limited number of those precious minutes left on this earth. I pray all would recognize that fact and then choose not to waste a single one of our precious minutes.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – One more prayer request.

October 22, 2007

Up extra early this morning. The choking sensation woke me. No big deal, a little scary when it is actually happening. So my nights sleep was cut a little short, I have the luxury or being able to nap when I want, I will be wanting today.

I am today asking for prayers from all. On Saturday, our dear friend Grant suffered a heart attack. Thankfully he seems to have been stabilized and is currently in the CCU of a nearby  hospital. He is today awaiting a battery of tests possibly including an angiogram. All that will provide the excellent doctors with the information they need to know how to proceed. The possibilities of how they may proceed covers the whole spectrum, from just sending him home with medications to open heart surgery. All will depend on test results today.

I ask for prayers please.

Grant’s wife Renee and grandson 2 year old Riley arrived last night and will be staying with us during Grant’s hospital stay. I ask for prayers again please for the entire family.

Grant is a good friend and as such word of his heart attack would normally be upsetting. Grant would be the typical last guy you would ever expect to have a heart attack, healthy, active…… I think back and realize that for years Grant’s job with the the Government kept him active and outdoors much of the time. I think it was about 2 years ago that Grant accepted a promotion and his work environment changed to an office setting and a management position. I don’t know and can’t comment on the stress levels that may be associated with this position. I assume there was stress as here we are 2 years later with Grant having a heart attack.

It was on Saturday night we learned of his heart attack and of him being flown by air ambulance from their home in The Pas to here in Winnipeg. As all of this happened on Saturday, we wouldn’t be able to visit him until Sunday, yesterday. There was no question I would be visiting him, but I found myself really uncomfortable about it even dreading it to a degree. I really couldn’t understand this and did a lot of soul searching. I realized my dread went even beyond Grant to facing some of my own little demons. I would be returning to the same large room in which I had literally almost died twice. It was conjuring up some bad memories and images in my mind. I dreaded the very thought of just going there.

But, last night, I put on my big boy pants and off I went with Renee. I certainly am glad I did. Firstly, it was so nice to see Grant and see that he seems to be doing as well as can be expected. For me it somehow went far beyond that.

It may have helped that the hospital has under gone renovations and the cardiac unit has been relocated, so I wasn’t actually in “the room”. I am not even sure what it was but something changed my thinking, and I am so glad. Suddenly somehow, I no longer saw the cardiac unit as the terrible place where I had almost died. I suddenly saw it as the wonderful place where I had survived the heart attacks and the open heart surgery. For a moment the doctors and nurses almost seemed to take on an Angelic glow. I am not sure what brought the change but I am very glad it happened, it was a wonderful feeling.

Prayers for Grant and family please.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – People are people

October 18, 2007

I had a huge “pee” day yesterday and have my wonky head going on in a big way. somehow I always seem to have  a few posts sitting in the saved section. I am not sure why I didn’t finish them at the time but they come in hand on days like this. This is what I wrote, I believe last Tuesday. Going to lay down.

I didn’t get anything posted yesterday or I would have mentioned the wonderful evening we had on Sunday night when Darleen and Lindsay joined us for supper and for a very enjoyable evening. We were later joined by Vi’s brother Henri who stopped by to cut our grass, he really is a good guy. Vi and I both thank you all for such a nice evening.

At some point Darlene wanted to go out and see the wonderful things Vi has accomplished in our back yard. She really has turned it into a beautiful spot when all the flowers are in bloom, sadly we are well past that with our Canadian summer being so short. That left the 3 guys Lindsay, Henri and myself sitting at the kitchen table talking. Another enjoyable time. It was also more than just enjoyable it was informative or educational for me.

Educational, in that at times when writing this blog I have struggled with terms trying to be politically correct when talking about or describing various people. Prior to starting the blog, this was a subject I really didn’t pay any attention to. The Good Lord in His wisdom has seemed to make me color blind when it comes to people.

OK, back to the 3 guys sitting at the table. I sit here now and think, it was almost like a meeting at the United Nations. That being that Lindsay is a “black” guy, Henri is an “Indian” or First Nations guy and me, well I am just a plain old white guy. I am not sure how well I am doing it, but the point I am trying to make is none of this color or race stuff made any difference. It was just 3 guys talking and enjoying the company of the others.

I think it was Lindsay that brought up the subject by saying when he attended school, he was the only “black” kid there. From there the conversation evolved to how well intentioned people struggle with politically correct terms when referring to others. I think Lindsay said it all, when he related a story about an event in his life. Sorry Lindsay, I can’t remember the fine details but it is the overall message I want to share.

Now, first it must be understood that here in the middle of Canada, we just don’t have that many “black” people around so I can totally understand and vision the situation to which he was referring. He was to attend some sort of social function which in itself was no issue. Apparently, prior to his arrival, I am sure they were very innocent well intended people approached a friend of Lindsay. They asked something to the effect, “we don’t want to say anything offensive so how do we refer to him, as Afro-Canadian or black or what? I love the answer that was given. “Why, not just refer to him as Lindsay.”

Doesn’t that just say it all. “Just refer to him as Lindsay” we are all just people. Why do we seem to feel a need to see beyond that? Why do we have a need to label people based on their color, religion nationality……… People are people and beyond that nothing else really matters.

Another thought just occurred to me as I am sitting here. When we label people we put them apart from ourselves, creating divisions in the world, in our lives. Divisions create controversy, controversy can create wars. People are people, colors may differ, faiths may differ, cultures may differ but the people don’t, all are just regular people. Labeling, stereo tying is just wrong.

Here, at least in North America, don’t we generally seem to think that the “Muslims” are our greatest threat. Vi and I are proud to have a family that we consider to be good friends. Guess what they are “Muslims” and the nicest people you could ever meet.

I stand by my own made up statistics: 90% of the population of the world is made up of good, kind, honest people. People doing the best they can to raise their families and get through each day as best they can. About 5% are Earth Angels, those wonderful people always willing to try and make this world a little better.Then there are the jerks, the remaining 5%, the idiots, the radicals. They are found in every group and every culture around the world. It is their actions that make the news and it is based on their actions that we tend to label all within that group. How unfair is that? Please tell me, how can we stop this from happening? Is it really even possible? I consider my own situation with the blog. How can I in written form describe any group with out doing that very thing?

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Birthday request

October 17, 2007

I am not sure what got me thinking of this, this morning. But I realize I am rapidly closing in on another birthday. Maybe, I am being a little melodramatic but each birthday in the past few years has almost been like a milestone event for me. Somewhere deep down in the back of my mind there is always the question, will I reach my next or is this one indeed my last on this earth? Is it strange, I don’t know but these thoughts hit me more at the time of special occasions. Birthdays, Christmas, visits from family or friends and I can’t seem to help myself but wonder at least a little will this be the last time. Does it ever spoil or take the shine off the event for me, never. It is only after it is over, the thoughts can come. Is this ever a big deal, not really as it only takes a day or two and I can get my thoughts together and again focus on the long term.

I am approaching another of those milestone events, I will be 55 on Dec. 13th.. OK, I realize that is almost 2 months away, so why am I bringing it up now. I am writing it now to tell or maybe warn everyone that may read this that I intend to ask for a specific birthday gift from everyone. I suppose I am giving all time to prepare for my gift, the gift I hope many if not all will give me.

OK, what is this gift I am requesting from all. A random anonymous act of kindness to a stranger. It doesn’t I suppose even have to be a stranger. Just an act of kindness that we actually go out of our way to do. How big, how small it really doesn’t matter. What really does matter is that we each actually go out of our way, even the slightest bit to make a conscious choice to do something extra, and then actually follow up on it.

The size of the gesture or the magnitude of the act is not as important as the fact we did do something to help another. With every act of kindness we do improve the quality of the world. Every improvement as slight as it may seem is still an improvement.

I am sure I am safe in saying everyone would be more than willing to help improve our world. Many will think what could I possibly do that could make any difference. I once had a supervisor that I respect very highly, whom often said:

“One definition of insanity could be doing exactly the same thing day after day and everyday continually being surprised and disappointed when the out come remains unchanged”.

If we want to bring about change in the world, where better a place to start than within ourselves.

The actual act doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming in fact almost anything will do. It is not the act, so much as  the fact that we brought about a change in ourselves by looking or in some cases even looking harder to find some small way in which we could help another and then followed through with it.

For any that have followed my blog for a while will recognize all of this as being the same as my request last year.  I invite all to read the archived posting and especially the comment in December last year. Wonderful things happened and I was so grateful when many shared their stories with me.

So my birthday request is out with time for any who chose to begin looking for even the smallest of things. Please let me know what you find to do.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Crime

October 14, 2007

A big thank you to nephew Eric (jr) and brother-in-law Henri. We tackled the garage door and I think we won. I say we to make myself feel good, I took on the role of supervisor, a role that wasn’t really needed. They made a great team and the task was completed with relative ease or so they made it appear. Thank you guys we both really appreciate it. They both are really such good guys. Hey they even offered a warranty and guarantee on their workmanship. OK, it was a relatively short term thing and actually expired the moment they walked out of the garage. lol. We really do appreciate the help.

I suppose it is natural that as time goes on and I find myself being forced to ask for help or favors more and more often, it seems to becoming easier or at least less embarrassing. This especially in areas that I felt as a man I “should” be able to do myself. I think it was a pride thing, being embarrassed to admit there were things I couldn’t do on my own. I was an independent “manly-man”.

Huh, I took a break for my nap and somehow just didn’t get back. So here it is now Sunday.

My daughter Shauna is in town this weekend. Sadly, it is for the funeral of her maternal grandmother.  My ex-wife’s mother. My sincere condolences to the Russell family. Naturally, we had hoped to see Shauna and Jake, but as we live on virtually the opposite end of the city to that part of her family, we knew it would be unlikely. Shauna in fact insisted on staying in a hotel, one with a pool. She felt that would help her relax or de-stress. Unfortunately it seems the exact opposite has happened. Over night (Friday) their vehicle was broken into. Steering column, ignition was destroyed to the point the vehicle is un-driveable. Items were stolen, I am just not sure what. What a thing to happen at any time, but especially when you are in the city to attend your grandmothers funeral.

I didn’t learn of any of this until Shauna called late last night. From her voice I could tell she was still shaken by all that had happened. They were going out with friends to again de-stress or Vi and I would have driven over there.

It is really hard to describe how it leaves you feeling after a break in. OK, this was only their vehicle and thankfully they were in no danger or anything like that. But it changes you. I suppose it awakens something inside of us we really don’t want to face. In our naive innocent worlds crime is often viewed almost in the abstract. Sure we read about it in the newspapers and see it on TV but then it is always happening to someone else, not us, in our safe little worlds.

Reality hits us with a real bang. We are not safe, in our own little worlds and with that realization comes a sense of fear and dread. It will take a long time if ever, before you can view the world again in exactly the same innocent way.

Now I know many, especially the macho guys will read this and just say, “they don’t scare me, I wish I could just catch the SOB’s, I’d beat the cr*p out of them.” That is all well and good to say and very well may be true. I ask you this, aren’t you going to be a little more vigilant about approaching your vehicle, especially at night, on the chance someone may be around it. Aren’t you going to be a little more cautious about where you park you vehicle. No matter how big or tough you are this would affect you. I can see this with something as “minor” as a vehicle break in, now if you escalate that to a home break in or home invasion. Feelings are escalated beyond belief. I really know, been there done that. I think of something like a rape or some sort of physical assault and my mind can’t even begin to imagine what that must be like.

My heart so goes out to Shauna and Jake right now. Hearing her voice last night seemed to awaken a new realization within me, or at least amplify and bring more to my awareness an existing one.

It is so much easier to recover from the material or even physical effects of a crime than it is to recover from the emotional aftermath. Prior to my life being affected by crime, I would hear of a break in, to someone else’s home. I would just shrug it off thinking, “gee, that is to bad but insurance will cover the loss, so no big deal”. Maybe not a big deal to me, watching from the sidelines but a very big deal to those involved so much bigger than I at that time was able to imagine.

I think of those that are force, likely because of finances to live in a high crime area of our or of any city. Emotionally what they must go through on a daily basis, I just can’t imagine it. We lived like that for a short 4 or 5 month period and it almost killed me, literally. To live life like that on a continual basis with no hope or end in site, unimaginable.

I realize I have strayed off my original topic and will try to get back to that tomorrow.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – My new toy

October 12, 2007

I am getting really high tech. lol. We got a web cam. Being as tech. challenged as I am, we are still trying to really figure it out. Actually, it was my brother Eric that got all this started. His daughter, my niece is attending university in Germany for a year. They both got web cams so they can actually see each other when chatting. He found a site you can down load and use to do this and it is free. How great is that. We can talk to kids and grandchildren and see them live on the monitor. How great and exciting is that. When family lives so far apart it is so nice to actually be able to see them when talking. Kids grow so fast and change so fast, now we can keep up with the changes between visits. System isn’t perfect as there is a real delay between hearing the words and the mouth movement, but I don’t even care.

When I really figure this out a little more maybe I can start chatting with some of my blogging friends.

I just took a break for my nap. I woke up to a really nice surprise. My niece Sara was calling from Germany on this web cam phone thing. Not really sure what to call it. We had a really nice chat as always. She was even able to turn the camera in different angles to show me her dorm room, really neat. Can you tell I am excited about my new toy.

Wow, this really is one of my, write by installment posts. I poked away at it 3 or 4 times yesterday (Thursday) and here it now is Friday morning. This wonkie head of mine sometimes makes it hard to write anything that seems to make sense to even me.

Might try to write more late, not sure if that will happen as I have a big work day planned. Replacing the track our garage door runs on. Have never done that before but it doesn’t look like it should be all that difficult. At least I don’t think it will be all that difficult for me, I have my supervisors chair already in place. I have my nephew Eric and brother-in-law Henri coming over to “help”. I am sure it may be a little more difficult for them. Wish us luck

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Job vs. Life

October 11, 2007

I know I wrote about it yesterday, but I really can’t express how nice our weekend was. Shauna and Jake really are such wonderful hosts they do make a Daddy proud.

I saw a couple of interesting things on TV last night. One was a reality show. A lady was interviewed and discussed her low self esteem. She attributed this largely or at least in part to the fact she felt all of her life she had been seeking her father’s approval and to make him proud of her. She seemed to feel she always fell short of that mark, leaving her with feelings of inadequacy. I certainly hope I have never given my daughters that impression.

Billie and Shauna, I want you both to know I consider myself to be such a lucky man. I feel so lucky and blessed that the Good Lord in His wisdom chose to give me, you as my daughters. I am so proud of both of you exactly as you are today, I always have been and I always will be. I love you so much.

Yesterday was a really big “pee” day and I have my wonkie head going on something fierce. The day following one of these days is when memory guy or rather lack of memory guy takes center stage. I know I have the overall content of this next bit correct, I am just not sure about the ratio. I didn’t look but I am sure if anyone is interested the story can likely be found by going to CTV.ca.

So, the second thing that caught my eye was on the CTV national news. Stress kills. We all know this but now a scientific research program has been conducted which again proves it. Our bodies were not designed or intended to deal with prolonged stress or pressure. When we experience this or are subjected to it, the effects reach in to every organ in our bodies in a very negative way. As I understand it, it is indeed the heart that often feels the effects the most often. This study showed if you have had a heart attack and then return to the same stressful environment your chances of having a second heart attack are doubled over that of someone that returned to a less stressful environment. Stress is a killer, we know that yet don’t do anything about it. We just seem to accept it as if it is a must or a natural part of our lives. Why????

Of late, I have written of my own stresses to show what stress can do and look where it has gotten me. Will anyone listen or pay enough attention to see, learn and actually make changes in their lives. Sadly, I doubt it. I know how I would likely read any of this. I would likely think, wow that is sad, but my situation is different. I am stuck in my life and there really are no changes I can make. I do, what I do just to get through each day. We rationalize our acceptance of stress as being something unavoidable in life. Granted, to live in this world there are some stresses that truly are unavoidable often with family issues or whatever. Based on what I just saw on the news and from my own experience, I ask is this or any job worth my life? We are literally putting our very lives at risk for our jobs, we are just so wrapped up in the moment we don’t realize or forget this. I do think it is time for everyone to wake up and realize what is happening, what you are doing to yourselves. Many will think, I am handling and dealing with my pressure and stress just fine. Maybe in your head, in your mind you think you are, but what is it doing to your body?

In my mind I have always been on top of, or able to deal with my pressure. My mind must have forgot to tell my heart we were dealing with it. My heart rebelled and had 4 heart attacks and I am now diagnosed with heart failure. I look at my own dear Vi. We went through a very stressful time with break ins etc. Vi dealt with it all came through like a trooper. Her body didn’t react as well as her mind, she now has high blood pressure and psoriasis, stress related.

I can only hope everyone really takes a good look at their own lives. Are you truly dealing with, handling your stress or is it just quietly dealing with your body?

I am tired or writing about all this negative stuff. I do have 2 or 3 more posts I now want to share, including the one on our home invasion but I am going to get off this negative stuff for 2 or 3 weeks. I need a break from it and we will see what happens. I can only hope and pray, someone, anyone will learn from my mistakes.