The wonders of modern medications have proved themselves again as my infections have cleared up. All that remains is the lump on my leg from which it seemed to originate. I have my regular appointment with my doc. next week and will ask him about it if it is still there.
I realize after a lot of thought through the past few days, that I have fallen into on of the ruts I so often write about avoiding. I am not sure if it is complacancy or just taking life for granted. I am not sure, maybe just a little bit of poor me going on. Heart attack #5 took a lot out of me. It seems both physically and emotionally. Physically, I think I have mended and am adjusting to another level of physical capabilities. Emotionally, I seem to be struggling a little more to bounce back. By this I mean attitude. I have been dealing with this whole dying business for 5 years now and it can wear on you.
I remember years ago at some point thinking, “when it comes my time to die, I hope I am hit by a lightning bolt or something like that. Just so bang I am gone and don’t know it is coming, I don’t want to have to think about it or worry about it.” Hmm, not exactly what came to pass as here I am after 5 years and still thinking about it.
A positive attitude, a positive outlook is key to everything in life. I know that. With all of my other heart attacks, surgeries or what ever it seemed my overall attitude wasn’t affected this much. I was even told I wasn’t taking it all seriously enough. Generally, I was able to keep the positive mindset. Adapt to whatever and carry on as if what ever had happened was nothing more than an inconvenience in life. This time it is different and I don’t know why. Maybe, I just need to vent a little.
Now, I say I am struggling witht the attitude, but I know I will get it back, I just have to work at it a little harder. So this is my poor me post.
There is a saying, “fake it until you make it”, not sure if that works or not. But, tomorrow, I will be back full force. Helping others can be a wonderful healing tool. I am going to be hitting the “Spirit within me page” at full speed. Speading words and acts of kindness around the world.
Dying mans daily journal 
Dear Bill,
Martha Washington, George’s wife, said some really thought provoking comments on your topic: The greater part of our happiness or our misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have moments of waning energies and fading enthusiasm. “We’re all in the gutter; the trick is to look up and find the stars.” (Oscar Wilde)
Praying for you always, Wiseman.
Irene
((((((((( Bill ))))))))))) WisePersonInMyLife musta talked with you, huh? *laughing*
There’s a ‘rule’ dontchaknow–I get three turns at whining about whatever… and then I have to pull up my big girl panties and get on with it.
Yup–then there’s ‘get out of yourself and go help someone else’. AND the ever popular ‘fake it til ya make it’.
First things first, though.
Cuz I am a whiner and I am ‘allowed’ some self indulgence (not to mention it helps people understand that I really am accepting of reality–Geeze….sometimes I’m accused of being ‘Suzy Sunshine’ and living in denial when I’m NOT whining…go figure..).
So..Three turns at it. Much more workable to me to have a limit set…..not sure why that is–guess I need to work that one out with some help from WPIML.
By the way. *sigh* I do much better when I abide by the limit. Currently I’m on a ‘purple bracelet’ plan trying to elimate whining all together. *laughing* You can bet the farm that I’m failing miserably!
Rawr!
I’m such a whiner and a complainer…LOL SEE!! JUST whined and complained!!! Oy brother..LOL
(((((((( Bill ))))))) Sometimes things suck. And we can’t ‘see’ until we can ‘see’. I’m told that’s a ‘human condition’ and the last time I checked YOU were human.
I’M the alien…LOL….remember?
Thinkin’ of ya (as I switch the little purple bracelet TO the other wrist for the whining I just did here…LOL).
*HUGE hugs*
Sometimes–it sucks. I trust that you’re right where you’re suppose to be at this moment, yaknow?
Did I fail to mention that I’m glad to hear the infections cleared/clearing up?
I am glad!
I think you have an amazing attitude and if you find, every now and again, that your fortitude falters well… I think you can give yourself a little slack my friend!
Keep on doing the do!
Cheers
BC
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