The wonders of modern medications have proved themselves again as my infections have cleared up. All that remains is the lump on my leg from which it seemed to originate. I have my regular appointment with my doc. next week and will ask him about it if it is still there.
I realize after a lot of thought through the past few days, that I have fallen into on of the ruts I so often write about avoiding. I am not sure if it is complacancy or just taking life for granted. I am not sure, maybe just a little bit of poor me going on. Heart attack #5 took a lot out of me. It seems both physically and emotionally. Physically, I think I have mended and am adjusting to another level of physical capabilities. Emotionally, I seem to be struggling a little more to bounce back. By this I mean attitude. I have been dealing with this whole dying business for 5 years now and it can wear on you.
I remember years ago at some point thinking, “when it comes my time to die, I hope I am hit by a lightning bolt or something like that. Just so bang I am gone and don’t know it is coming, I don’t want to have to think about it or worry about it.” Hmm, not exactly what came to pass as here I am after 5 years and still thinking about it.
A positive attitude, a positive outlook is key to everything in life. I know that. With all of my other heart attacks, surgeries or what ever it seemed my overall attitude wasn’t affected this much. I was even told I wasn’t taking it all seriously enough. Generally, I was able to keep the positive mindset. Adapt to whatever and carry on as if what ever had happened was nothing more than an inconvenience in life. This time it is different and I don’t know why. Maybe, I just need to vent a little.
Now, I say I am struggling witht the attitude, but I know I will get it back, I just have to work at it a little harder. So this is my poor me post.
There is a saying, “fake it until you make it”, not sure if that works or not. But, tomorrow, I will be back full force. Helping others can be a wonderful healing tool. I am going to be hitting the “Spirit within me page” at full speed. Speading words and acts of kindness around the world.