Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Feeling Alone

Well I am up and at it again. Stomach really not happy this morning. I see the doctor tomorrow couple of things to ask him. There must be something he can give me, to calm the stomach. Currently using gravol, but don’t really like doing that, it works well but makes me sleepy. The heart failure makes me so tired all the time already, I don’t need anything else doing that. Plus, I have missed my last couple of blood tests. Each time, my blood is actually tested for a lot of different things. I am sure he explained why, and I just can’t remember at the moment, but blood is taken twice. I go they take some blood and send me out to eat a big meal. I am to return exactly 2 hours later for another blood sample. It is that big meal part that does me in. Even just the smell of food can have me throwing up. Will get something worked out tomorrow.

I received a very touching comment posted by a young lady, Lisa. Lisa is dying of cancer her emotions and feelings are very obvious in her writing. I encourage all to read her post and possibly even leave Lisa words of support.

Lisa speaks of this dying business as being Huge, lonely, personal and scary. It is all of those things and so much more. There are no words or at least no words that I have that can really describe it. I know I have been blessed as my burden has been lightened by my strong faith and belief system. I have been further blessed with my strong support system being my family and friends.

I do not know if Lisa has such a strong support group in place, I can only hope and pray she does. I hope no one thinks I am singling out or picking on Lisa or if I am it is only to wish her peace, well being and comfort. It is just that through her writing we get to see an inside view of what it can feel like. Dying is very personal and each will undoubtedly face it in a different way. Each person faces there own challenges, their own fears in their own way. I have tried to write of my own feelings but they are my feelings, death is personal and individual. At any moment in time there are millions of people facing it, dealing with it. All are scared at times, some more than others. There is a saying you can feel lonely even in a crowded room. That sort of applies here.

I know my Christian friends will say turn to Jesus and all will be better. I believe that and have done that and a lot of my burden has been lifted. But I, as all have the weakness of having a human mind and at times, the what if’s, can still sneak in there. It is always easy to give advise, even if we know it to be good advise. How often have we all found our selves in a difficult situation and all the good or well intended advice, just doesn’t seem to matter at that moment. I can not imagine there is a single person out there, who, no matter how strong their faith has not had times of worry, fear or what ever. That is to be human.

Lisa, there is another saying. Misery likes company. Well I can’t honestly say I am in misery, but I can relate to many of your feelings. I wish you well and hope you will continue to visit my blog and to share you thoughts and feeling.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you