Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Death of Parent

Glad, I am seeing the doctor today. Both of my ankles have been aching on and off for the past couple of months. When walking they often give me a weird feeling, almost like they are going to give out or something. Yesterday, my right knee started aching and giving me that same sensation of almost giving out. By giving out I mean a feeling like it is almost not going to hold me up. Took Tylenol before bed but it still woke me up 4 or 5 times through the night.

Sadly, last night I received an email from one of my new blog friends Dan. Dan’s father passed over on Friday morning, prayers for Dan and his family would be appreciated. I could feel Dan’s very real pain through his email. It took me back to the passing of my own dear mother. That was more than 15 years ago but I can still remember the feelings so clearly.

My mother was a wonderful lady, I love and miss her very much. She taught me so much, she had such internal strength nothing could keep her down. My mother had a very tough life and she taught much by the example she set. She stood tall and faced everything that came her way and NEVER lost her cool. She was a Lady and nothing ever would or could change that. Heart attacks, open heart surgery, painful arthritis through her spine and nothing phased her. We all knew of her bad heart. In my mind I knew it was just a matter of time until she was called home and would pass. But, my heart saw things differently. My heart saw this strong woman that I loved and respected, a pillar of internal strength. She had come through so much, it was almost like nothing could put her down. When I received the phone call that my mind knew would one day be coming, my heart was still stunned. My life as I knew it was changed forever. Suddenly such an important piece of my life was gone. We lived in different towns but visited often but to late I realize I had not visited nearly as often as I could have or even should have. Some how I had begun to take it for granted that the indestructable “Munga” would always be there. Well if not always at least for a long time. I took it for granted or assumed there would always be time for visiting, when I wasn’t quite so tired or quite so busy. There was always some handy excuse for me. Now I am left with the “if onlys”.

My mothers passing was made so much easier for me by my faith. There was never the slightest doubt or question in my mind that she had gone on to a much better place. A place where she would be justly rewarded for her life of selfless giving to her boys and so many others.

Her last few years hadn’t been particularly good as she suffered a lot of pain with the arthritis in her spine. When I visited I could see the obvious pain she was in. But, Munga was Munga and she insisted on always getting up and making coffee and putting out a few dainties. Refusing all help she still had to take care of her boys. Wow, Howdle men don’t cry, and here I am getting a little misty eyed.

When she did pass over, I could rationalize out that it was the best thing that could have happened for her. Her pain was gone and she was now in such a much more wonderful place. I even felt I should be happy for her. I mean I knew she was now in Heaven and pain free. I mean doesn’t it make sense, if you know a loved one is in such a wonderful place experiencing wonders beyond my imagination, shouldn’t I be happy for her. I was somewhat comforted by that thought.

A big piece of my human mind and human heart was filled with pain and sorrow. Even though I hadn’t visited as often as I could have it had always been such a comfort to just know she was there. I know it was selfishness on my part but I did not want her to leave. She was gone and my world was turned upside down. It is now 15 years later, my world is good, my life is good but inside I still know it would be a little better if she was in a physical sense still a part of it. I know her spirit is still with me and that she is watching down from heaven and I know she will be waiting to greet me when my turn comes.

Bless you Munga, I love you and miss you.

I am just sitting here thinking. I have always known God is watching over me every moment of every day. Now both of my parents from their places in Heaven can watch me every day and see everything I do. WOW