Dying Man’s Daily Journal – God’s time table

I came to a realization today. I have become part of this world or ours that expects instant gratification. I want what I want, and I want it now. Yesterday, I was in the hospital and they gave me a prescription for a couple of medications to help me feel better. I am almost embarrassed to admit but this morning I was a little disappointed when I woke up. I took the first of the new medications last night and I really don’t feel any different this morning, whats up with that?lol

That is when it really came to me. I am not sure how well I am wording this. I have an antibiotic that I am to take twice daily for 10 days. Realistically, how could I expect to feel better after only one pill? But still I had that momentary feeling of disappointment.

When I think of it now, I realize that moment of disappointment was a very good thing for me to have experienced. In a way it opened my eyes to a little different thought process or gave me a bit of a realization. I have said many times “things happen in God’s time, not my time” and I thought I had accepted that and was living by that. Now, obviously I am going beyond how long it takes for a medication to take affect.

I think back to a couple of examples: the passing of my parents, a what was for me a very painful marital break up. I was in pain, grieving and praying for relief from the pain. I felt that same sense of disappointment every morning when I awoke and really felt no better. At the time it even seemed for a while like God either wasn’t listening or just not answering my prayers. I was looking for instant gratification or relief and was not receiving it. “Things happen in God’s time, not my time”. Ultimately, did I receive the relief I was praying for? Yes, I did just not according to my time table. At the time was I disappointed my time table had not been adhered to? Yes, I was. Now I can look back and see that it was during these periods, that were not allowed for in my time table, that I experienced great spiritual and emotional growth. Growth that in fact I would never have experienced, if in fact my time table for events would have been followed.

I am very patient with other people, sometimes I have been told even to a fault. So how can I allow myself to become impatient with God and His time table for my life. When I say it, it doesn’t even make sense to me, but some how I still do it.

As, I was sitting here writing, Vi just came to me needing to talk. She is truly the most wonderful, caring, loving lady you could meet. She is deeply concerned about this newest development with the amount of water on my lungs. Is it the next step in the worsening of my condition? I don’t think so, I think with my breathing difficulties it has likely been there for a while. It is detected with a xray and while I have quite a few of them, possibly just not at the “right”time.

If anyone has any extra prayer time, if you could mention Vi and my family, I will appreciate it very much. If prayer could also please included Vi’s brother John. John is in hospital in Thompson after having suffered a major stroke. One entire side of his body is at this point paralyzed to the point he can barely swallow. John all our thoughts and prayers are with you

17 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – God’s time table

  1. Bill and Vi,
    You are in my thoughts, and in H’s prayers today. Keep strong.

  2. sherry howdle says:

    Bill and Vi,

    You are definately in my thoughts and prayers as well as Vi’s brother John. I’m very sorry to hear about his stroke. If he’s anything like you and Vi he’s a fighter. Thinking of all of you and sending positive thoughts.

  3. Reggie Hudson says:

    When I think about our impatience I’m reminded of Moses out in the wilderness trying to play a drum solo using a rock and a staff. Hopefully you know the story if not I’ll explain later. I literally think perhaps , that is where we first came up with the notion of 4 beats per measure in music. I can just picture Moses hitting the rock thinking “Where’s The Water Lord”. A stroke for every word thought. Since there were 4 words thus 4 beats per measure. I know that’s kind of a silly way to view it but I think it pretty much explains how fickle we are when waiting on God’s Time Table. Waiting is not one of mankind’s natural virtues. Even when banking on a promise God has given us we still want to dictate when and where. Like Brother Paul said “Oh Wretched Man That I am”. After having said that I don’t want to be fickle in telling you I’ll find the time for prayer for you, Vi and John. So I stopped typing took a moment and took care of that between this and the last sentence.

    May The Lord continue to bless your lives and may you still keep learning more and more of Him everyday.

    Brother Reg

  4. I’ll pray for you, Vi, and John, Bill.

    I definitely understand that hope of waking up feeling better after taking an antibiotic–and sometimes that’s about how fast they start to kick in, which is pretty amazing. I’m glad Vi made you go get checked out and hope the antibiotic makes you feel better soon. 🙂

  5. Jo Hart says:

    Sending you prayers and well wishes. You are in my thoughts.

  6. Hi Bill,

    Hope the meds kick in soon and you are feeling back to normal. Good wishes to you and Vi, and a special prayer for Vi’s brother.

    Love Shirley

  7. babychaos says:


    Two things, first prayers, yes, no worries I have added you, Vi and John to my crooked prayer list. I’m not sure my prayers carry much weight but let’s face it, one feather doesn’t weigh much but if everyone puts a feather in… well, you know how heavy feather pillows are!

    Second thing… I sympathise wholeheartedly on getting impatient with healing – physical or mental. I had knee surgery a while back and the recovery period is two years – I’m just over half way through. I have learned much through this, principally that I have no patience! On the hurt side, I had a miscarriage last year. I knew I was growing as a person and learning stuff through my grief but that didn’t stop me wishing I could fast forward my life to the bit where I life had got back on track again – without losing the lessons learned, of course (have cake eat it etc)! 😉

    Hope the antibiotics do their thing quickly!



  8. Vicky says:

    You and Vi are in my thoughts and prayers. I trust that the medication will kick in soon. Also in my prayers is John. I pray that he heals quickly as well. The road will be difficult for awhile but with faith and determination he can get back most if not all the feeling in time. I pray that he accepts the condition, takes one day at a time.. and before he knows it be well again. It can be done !
    Love you lots

  9. mel says:

    As a fellow journeyer on the path to accepting ‘G-d’s time’, I salute you.
    I think I ‘get it’…and I’m grabbing ‘NOW, dangit’ back.

    A bit of humility and a whole LOT of practice, practice, practice!

    *sending healing, peacefilled thoughts for you and yours*

  10. ceeque says:

    Both you and Vi are in my thoughts Bill, as indeed, John is too….Strength and Love to you all.

  11. LorriM says:

    I’m sending you, Vi and your family thoughts for serenity, healing quickly, and sending warmth your way.

  12. Jo Hart says:

    Hi Bill,
    Just letting you know that Gods timetable is calling our dear Terry. He has gone into renial failure and other organs are shutting down. We have been told only a couple of days if that. If anyone has any prayers left could I please ask for them to go to Terry, his wife and 4 littlies. I pray that his journey that is about to begin, be as pain free and beautiful as he goes into his next chapter of his soul. I thank him as if it wasn’t for him, I would never have found this site and he doesn’t even know it.
    Thankyou Bill for letting me express, vent, and just talk.

  13. mel says:


    Thinkin’ of you and yours.

    *sending prayers all around*

  14. Amber says:

    Ah, yes… those moments when the pain is so deep, you believe you may never get over it. Then, one day, you wake up and realize that it’s gone.

    Time doesn’t heal all wounds, like they say… Jesus does… in His time.

    My prayers are with you.

  15. KEN HOWDLE says:






  16. hudds53 says:

    Dear Jo
    Your cousin Terry and your whole family are in my prayers and I am sure the prayers of many others.
    As you say by God’s time table he is being called home. I hope his transition is tranquil and peaceful as he passes into the loving hands of those that await him.
    The greatest pain and burden falls on the family. I have asked that millions of Angels surround you all.
    You are in my heart, my thoughts and prayers.

  17. Jo Hart says:

    Bill, you always have such beautiful words. Thankyou for all your wisdom. You have changed me as a person and I thankyou for that.

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