Dying Man’s Journal – join me with acts of kindness

December 21, 2015

Every year, must be about 10 years or so now. I have come here on the blog and flat out asked for birthday gifts. Well my birthday somehow snuck right past me. But, here I am asking for gifts anyway.
Years ago I added a page to the blog. Across the top of the screen you will see a row of titles. Each being the title to a different page addition.
Today I ask all to click on the page titled “Spirit within me” commit to and join my little club.
Below, I have copied the content of the page. But please go to the page and join in.

I invite all to join together with me. A group of friends doing our part to make the lives of others better. With every act of kindness, we do in fact make the world a little bit better. We do this simply because we can, because we care about others, all others people all people, we care about the world.

I once heard what I consider to be a very good definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing, in the same way over and over again and still being upset or disappointed when the results come out unchanged.” This applies to our very lives, if we day after day continue to do the same thing, in the same way, how can we expect there to be any change. Change of any sort must begin from within, within each and everyone of us. As people change, so will the world.

I invite and encourage all to join my very non-exclusive group of friends. All are welcome, no restrictions of any kind.. So in that regard I have set up this new page title “Spirit within me”. The word “me” should be read as applying to each individual and definitely not me, as in Bill. It represents the spirit contained with each of you. I hope people will join in and take membership in the group as a serious commitment.

OK, what is the group about. It is just a group of friends joining together to try in any small way to bring about changes within themselves, within the lives of others and ultimately to the world.

Is there a cost to belong to this group? YES, but not a monetary cost. The cost is something much more precious that mere money. The cost is spending some of your precious time. How much time? Five minutes a week. I don’t care how busy anyone’s life is, there is no one that can honestly say they couldn’t squeeze in 5 minutes a week. How is that 5 minutes of precious time to be spent? Actively looking for and performing an extra act of kindness. It is to be preformed for another, to whom doesn’t matter, the size of the act doesn’t matter. What matters is that we all take the time, even just 5 minutes a week to look for a way to perform an act of kindness.

Second, requirement. If any thanks is offered we decline to accept it. Instead state only that the only thanks you require or request is that this person, repay you by passing on another act of kindness be passed on to yet another. Think of the ripples we are creating.

Benefits, unlimited, gained from the peace and love to be contained within our hearts. That warm fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing I did something good, not because I had to but simply because I wanted to.


Special prayer request please

November 24, 2015

Our dear blogging friend Lydia left a comment in which she included a special prayer request. I ask all for prayers please.
Lydia’s request:
And while I’m talking about prayer, I ask the blogging community to pray for my 23 year old niece Michelle. Today she’s beginning aggressive chemo treatments for non-hodgins lymphoma, a particularly aggressive strain of it. Pray for her courage and stamina and for her to lean on God and friends during this. She lives in Washington on the west coast.

A tough patch but still here

November 23, 2015

I do apologize to my dear friends for any worry I may have caused during my absence.
I wrote about the procedure I was facing on Oct. 23rd.. That was quite the day. We went into the procedure expecting it to be a re-do of the ablation I had done in April. It was expected to take 1 1/2 – 2 hours. Ended up taking 4 1/2 hours and being an entirely different procedure.
A if thank you to Debbie, Vi’s sister for being there for her. As more and more time passed the more worried Vi became. Thank you Deb.
I was given conscious sedation. Meaning I was awake during the whole thing. I can tell you operating room tables are not designed for comfort. One of the medication is designed to give short term amnesia. Meaning while you are awake, you have no or little memory of the procedure when it is all done. I seen to have a high tolerance to medications and even being memory guy do remember at least some. Can’t be sure how much but enough.
I was listening to the doctors talk and heard their surprise and short term confusion when they realized it was not a simple ablation that I required.
Maybe more accurate to say surprised. All the sophisticated testing equipment them have, is not as accurate as the doctor’s eyes once he is actually in the heart. I have nothing but the highest praise for all involved. They had obviously been thrown a curve ball but they immediately kicked into high gear to find the issue. They conducted all sorts of tests right in the heart. All of this stretched the procedure time to the 4 1/2 hours. Thank you to them and to God their efforts paid off.
It was an ablation I required but a totally different one in a different area of the heart that I required. Thankfully they were able to successfully complete it.
Afterwards the doctor told me I was very lucky in that I’d they had known in advance what it was they were facing prior to beginning it is doubtful they would have even attempted it, very high risk.
Physically, it really put me on my butt. That old heart of mine has pulled me through again. This procedure was a success in that it was designed to improve quality of life not quantity. The heart failure and those issues are totall separate.
Breathing is improved, I am not falling down it was a success.
My biggest issue was allowing negativity to enter my mindset. Fear. During this whole time I have been at a much higher risk of a stroke. The though of a major stroke got to me scared me.
Is it strange, I am more prepared, less afraid of dying than I am of that major stroke.
I thank all for the prayers. I know they helped get me through this.

Long past due update

October 8, 2015

Hadn’t realized how long it has been since I have bee on the blog. Time seems to be just flying past. Not sure how I keep busy doing nothing. Napping most of the afternoon does speed the day by. I know I am napping to much as it is causing me to be up later in the evening.
It was a good summer, got to spend some time with both daughters and families. Love my little princesses.
By my standards it was too hot with high humidity far too many days. Breathing is much more difficult when it is like that.
Medically, not a lot has really changed. I am scheduled for another heart ablation on Oct. 23. That though is dependant on getting my blood work in line. I take warfarin to thin my blood, reduces risk of a stroke. For the ablation if blood is too thick greater risk of major stroke, too thin greater risk I’d bleeding out.
I am hoping they can go for it. Had an ablation in I think April, at the same time one of the heart meds was increased. Not sure which to credit or a combination of both as made things better. In one way nothing has changed in that I still have my episodes almost nightly. Light headed dizzy, wonkie head, falling, heart acting up. Improvement is everything while being the same the severity has lessened. I am more careful in getting up so yes I have fallen but I guess I am more prepared. If I fall now it is back on to the bed or back into the chair. Haven’t actually hit the floor in at least a couple of months.
The light foggy head thing is more frequent but also not as severe as times in the past.
Realizing more and more, this body of mine just doesn’t have the energy it once did. The constantly being tired, no energy, lethargic is getting to me. I am in God’s hands what better place could I be

Urgent Prayer request PLEASE – Parents nightmare

September 24, 2015

Our dear blogging friend Mel and family are going through what has to be every parent/grandparents worst nightmare. It is beyond anything I can even begin to imagine.
My last post was a prayer request was the new born grandchild. Born with 3 heart defects and given very little chance of survival. The little guy has been transferred to a different hospital and will today undergo the first of 3 very delicate and complicated, very high risk surgeries.
I have taken the liberty of again coping and reposting Mel’s post from her own blog (on blog roll).
The pain, the worry is so obvious in her words. Prayers please.
Mel’s post:

There’s something weird about a children’s hospital going by “CHOP”.
The wee fella had his first airplane ride–at 2 weeks of age. Quite the birthday prezzie if you ask me.

The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia provided the mom and dad with the second opinion–and gave the wee one a 50/50 chance of surviving the first surgery. He’ll need three (at least) heart operations and, if he survives, a transplant when he turns 12 or 13.
How could you NOT take the chance? The other option was to do nothing and opt for ‘compassionate care’. They took the chance. And the photo is himself arriving at the Philadelphia airport. They were kind and let the mom go with him in the plane. The dad had already left for Philadelphia. In fact, the dad was IN Philadelphia before the baby was.
Mostly because they had the wee fella loaded up and in the plane on Sunday……and decided there was a malfunction with the plane and the equipment necessary for moving the baby from point A to point B. So back they went to the hospital in Iowa City…..and they promised they’d send a different plane and different equipment Monday–which they did. And that’s how dad ended up there before the baby! It’s also the story of how Nana got to spend the night with the wee fella and mom before they departed Monday. It’s also how I managed to make Monday’s departure without falling apart. I did all that on Sunday, dontchaknow……
There was something about seeing the elevator doors closing with the mom and the baby ( along with 5 CHOP personnel), knowing that might very well be the last time you see your grandson….knowing your child was going through all this ‘stuff’ without your physical presence.. *sigh* Still hurts my heart to be here while she’s there contending with everything (not alone, mind you….just without me….).
No tears on Monday.
She asked me to be HERE to help take care of the Bug.
So that’s what I’m doing….that’s what both ‘grandmothers’ are doing.

No tears today. I grabbed soccer shorts, long sleeve shirts and new shin guards for the Bug since she started soccer practice this evening.
So no tears today–just a lot of lovin’ from the 6 year old.

But Thursday….when the wee fella goes into surgery? …..One way or the other, there’s going to be tears.
I can hope and pray for ‘good’ outcomes, but I don’t know what’s ‘good’ in this case. I just don’t…. So I’ll just pray and thank the Big Guy for giving me the time I’ve had with the wee one and for taking such good care of the mom and dad right now.

And I’ll say ‘Amen’
…..but I’ll be meaning “but you KNOW what I want”…..
I’m sassy like that.

And that wee thing–he’s so stinkin’ cute…..


Posted by Mel at 8:38 PM 6 comments:

Prayers Please

September 18, 2015

I have been away from the blog for too long. I have been wrapped up in my own little world, forgetting live is carrying on around me. There are those going through so much and so in need of support.
A big thank you to blogging friend Lydia for giving me a little poke to look around and see what friends are going through.
Dear blogging friend Mel has written a heart breaking post. Every parents, every grandparents worst night mare.
I tried to actually copy Mel’s post to repost here but wasn’t able to.
I ask for prayers of support for the entire family at this heart breaking time.
Please visit Mel’s site listed on my blog roll, and leave prayers and loving supportive comments.
I have taken the liberty of copying Mel’s last post. Sadly, I was not able to get the picture of the most beautiful little baby that accompanied the following wording:

The labour of love

He was bourne on Labor Day.
Cute little booger….
I took this just minutes before he stopped breathing in his mother’s arms.

He celebrated 2 1/2 hours of normal living before it all went upside down.

Three heart defects, complicated by Downs Syndrome….
20% success rate for each of the three needed surgeries, and subsequent heart transplant, with the healthiest of Downs Syndrome babies–and he’s far from one of the healthiest. Yesterday they told us surgery wasn’t an option.

There’s a second opinion due today from a high caliber children’s hospital–but we don’t expect the answer to be different. It’s a matter of what the parents needed to do to be at peace. Even if the numbers are a bit higher, the doctors aren’t convinced he would survive the transfer. Things are just too fragile. Multiple times a minute they’re in the room adjusting something or other to sustain life in a very controlled environment.

Attempts to remove him from the machines controlling his breathing weren’t successful and didn’t lend to the hope of something different for this small fella that’s my grandchild.

Today, the parents are allowing friends and family to visit for the first time. It’s just been the two grandmothers and two close friends to the parents, to date. It’s all they could handle.

Baptised yesterday…tomorrow he’ll be removed from the machines and will be held by his mother and father until he finds eternal rest.

No, it’s not ‘right’ or ‘fair’.

But G-d chose the two VERY best parents He could find to love this wee fella from the moment of inception to the moment he goes to Heaven

Random thoughts on life – feed back please

September 3, 2015

Was poking around in the blog here and found I had 141 different saved draft posts. Often I will get an idea for a post. Times I know I don’t have the time or energy to write a full post but I have what to me seems like a great idea at the time. Being memory guy I know if I don’t write it down I will forget. So I come in and start a post writing just a few lines. Hopefully enough that when I come back there will be enough that it will jog the memory enough to bring back what ever “brainwave” I had when I typed those few lines.
I only made it through the first 20 or so drafts. Now I know I could go into one of my almost endless rambles but decided to try something different. I am posting a number of those ideas I had for various posts. I am asking for your feed back you input on these various thoughts. Then I will try get up my own. Feedback please.

Quite a while back I was asked a question, what have I learned from this whole blogging experience?
Where to even begin. I have learned so much, gained so much from this whole experience, I have no words to describe it.
I have made friends, granted I have never met them and most likely never will. But, through our communication I have come to consider many friends part of my cyber family.
I have received in the area of 9,300 comments from people literally all over the world, 167 different countries at last count. Now I don’t know this to be a fact but based on numbers I am assuming I have reached at least most of the faiths and cultures in the world.
I have always known this but it has really been re-enforced in my mind that people are people. Irregardless of anything we are all the same, kind, loving and caring. Just doing their best to get through their days.
Now obviously there are exceptions but those exceptions come from every walk of life, from every faith and from every culture.

People make themselves so busy in life they have no time to enjoy life.

Hate your life, your job……. What are you doing about it? Are you taking even baby steps to improve it or are you just wasting your time complaining about it?

We fear and don’t trust things and especially people we don’t know and precieve as being different from ourselves.

Many people maybe even most people have a very negative view of the world. Is news media to blame. Virtually all of the news we hear, watch or read is negative. Understandable that is how we view the world, that is all the information we are provided with upon which to base our opinion. What we forget is that for everyone negative thing that happens there are hundreds of thousands maybe even millions of good things, it is just we never hear about them.

One of our greatest strengths is our ability to adapt one of our greatest weaknesses is our ability to adapt. Too quickly at times we are able to adapt to circumstances in our lives that are unacceptable. We have adapted to accept this as the norm. We are in a unacceptable rut but lack the courage, determination or are possibly fearful of making changes. We settle in and stay in that rut.

If there was one person you would spend every moment of your life with wouldn’t it be nice if you at least liked that person. There is that one person with whom you will spend every single moment with. That person is you, yourself. Do you like yourself, do you enjoy your own company. If yes, good for you, if not what are you doing about it?

Every morning at some point be it washing, shaving or brushing your teeth you will find yourself looking at yourself in the mirror. As you look in that mirror are you proud, happy or content with the person you see looking back at you. If not what are you doing about it?

You can go to bed content with yourself if you know somewhere through that day you did something to improve or brighten the day of another.

We have become a society that expects instant gratification. Sort of like take one pill to instantly cure all the problems in our lives. If we don’t see a quick easy fix we give up without trying. I don’t have the time, don’t have the energy….. So nothing changes we stay in that unsatisfactory rut.

We put so much time into worrying about or complaining about what we don’t have in our lives. If we put that same amount of energy into appreciating all that we do have, we would realize our lives are pretty good.

Negativity is a total waste of time. It accomplishes nothing but sucks the energy right out of us. Cut negative people out of your life, they will suck the energy/life force right out of you. Sadly, it is much more likely a negative person will drag a positive person down than visa versa.

Life is to be lived not endured. Life is beautiful but it is one of those things that the more you put into it, the more you get back. It is worth the effort

The happiest people are those that have come to a level of acceptance of their current situation, and have an appreciation of all that they do have. That is not to say they are content with that situation and may well be working to change it. They do have an appreciation of what they do have at the present.