Trying to comfort those Grieving


On another forum I have had the opportunity to meet a lady that is feeling great loss, great pain with the very resent loss of her husband.
It has got me thinking of how intense the pain, the sense of loss can be. Your world as you know it is completely turned upside down, nothing is the same. The fact of the matter is it never will be the same. A person that played a huge part in your life is gone, how could it be the same.
As you are going through the grieving process all you can think of is the pain and loss.
It is hard to imagine it at the time but while not the same life will become good again.
Dealing with a loss and how we deal with it is a very personal, private matter. There just is no one correct way to do it.
As you try to comfort someone going through it all, that I know of anyway, there are just no mere words that can be said that will provide any meaningful comfort.
So many at anyone time are going through this. I know it can be a very lonely experience.
As I don’t have specific words of comfort, I am sharing a previous post that at the time of my mothers passing did help me a lot. Did it take away the pain, No. But it did help. Here it is from way back in the early days of the blog:

With my memory these days I am never sure if I read this somewhere or if this is my own thought. I just know this helped me tremendously when my mother passed. I loved my mother dearly and still do and always will. I hope I can find the right words to really express what I am trying to say.

Use your imagination and try to picture this scenario. By some chance your loved one get a chance to go on a fantastic voyage, say a year long cruise around the world. You know your loved one would have a fantastic time, the time of their lives. Lets further suppose, the trip has already been booked and nothing short of a miracle will stop them form going. How would you react?

Would you be there, being lovingly supportive in their preparations for the voyage. Hoping and praying only for their happiness and well being. It is a given that you will miss them. You are comforted knowing you will see them again and out of love, make the choise to put their well being ahead of our own. I mean it would be so unfair to hope or think they should miss out on such an opportunity just because we will miss them. We joyously help in their preparations spending quality, happy time before they leave. Tearful good byes are said hugs are exchanged and off they go.

Or, Even though you know the trip is booked and that they will have a wonderful time, do you react differently. Even selfishly, out of our own fear of missing them and being lonely, we feel miserable. We cry and maybe even try to talk them into canceling the trip, “you can’t go I will miss you to much”.

Through our own selfishness we want to deny them the trip the joy, the happiness that would come with it. They are leaving anyway, but we have turned what could have been a joyous farewell into a time of personal sorrow for ourselves.

I used these thoughts on the passing of my dearly loved mother. I wished her joy and happiness until we meet again. Did that remove all the sadness no, but it definately helped. With her passing my mother went on a wonderful voyage and I do miss her but I know I will be seeing her again

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8 Responses to Trying to comfort those Grieving

  1. hilarymb says:

    Hi Bill – having lost my mother ‘recently’ and also during my blogging life … what a wonderful way to think of your mother’s journey.

    I’ve learnt a lot about how others cope with grief and loss through being a blogger … I am sure this post will help many … with thoughts to you and Vi … Hilary

    Thank you Hilary. Helping others in anyway is always my hope
    Bill

  2. gail goss says:

    What a beautiful way to think of your mother going on a journey. You are always so thoughtful and caring to help others in times of need. You are a very special person Bill. Thanking for sharing.

    Thank you Gail. Your visit with your mum sounded great. I know you were sad to see her go.
    Thinking in this way, helped me with the pain of her loss.
    Thanks again
    Bill

  3. Wonderful post! We are linking to this great post on our site. Keep up the great writing.

  4. Kimi says:

    Hi Bill, I loved this post, and I really needed to read it. Thank you for sharing. ~Kim

    Hi Kim, welcome to the blog. Glad you found it helpful
    Bill

  5. Good evening,

    My name is Debra Bassett, I am a PhD candidate at the University of Warwick and my research is looking at how the Internet is creating opportunities for people to discuss issues surrounding death and dying. I have been reading your wonderful blog and would love to interview you to talk about how important this blog is to you.

    If you are interested in taking part in my research please contact me at d.j.bassett@warwick.ac.uk.

    If you would like further details on my research please see my website: debrabassett.co.uk.

    Kind regards
    Debra Bassett

  6. Fairyflutterings says:

    I’ve been following Bill’s blog for a long time and posted the occasional comment. I was wondering if anyone knew how Bill is?

  7. Irene says:

    I was wondering the same thing. Can anyone help out here? If you’re reading this Bill just drop a small post to let us know how you’re doing. Thinking of you often…praying for you always, Wiseman.
    Irene

  8. Bernadette says:

    I am the same I have been following his blog for a long time and I wondered what happened to him.Hope u are ok Bill

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