I am a work in progress

It feels like forever since I last came online.
Saw family doc last week. He started by saying, you have no energy, really fatigued and just feel like crap. He hit it right on. He was right on. It is to the point I have to force myself to do anything and everything. No he is not a mind reader, he was reading the results of my latest blood work.
It is hard to describe the feelings of tiredness. It is not the “normal” tiredness we all experience and can just “man” up and push through. You hit a wall where the energy reserves are just gone, you have nothing left. Add the feeling crappy and things haven’t been to spry.
To top it off, it must be a couple of weeks ago the IPad froze. I think everything tech Bill did just made it worse. Finally a trip to the Apple Store, a two minute fix and back in business.
The way I was feeling it became too easy to procrastinate. It became I just don’t have the energy today, too tired to use it today. I will take it tomorrow. It took until yesterday for tomorrow to finally get here. Missing being here on the blog was what it took to get me off my butt.
The way I feel depends on the day and even the time of day. I am still having the episodes that I have written about before. I have come to realize it will only last 20-30 minutes, that is not so bad. I am going to have these episodes, no choice in that. How long they will last or how severe it will be again, I have no say in that.
Now I am not perfect at this, a work in progress, but I am getting much better at maintaining the right mindset. Which for me is staying more positive, it helps me a lot both mentally and then physically.
The fatigue, well I am living a lot of guy’s dream life. I get to lay around all day, dozing, napping, watching TV. Dealing with the episodes, well that is a little harder. When it hits, I try to go into a semi meditation type state. Focus on the big picture of my life which is good. I acknowledge that what I am experiencing at the moment sucks but it is only going to last 20-30 minutes. Focus on, this 20 minutes or so in the grand scheme of my whole life is but a blip in time. Really this is nothing, I can easily deal with this. Get through it and put it out of my mind. I always know there is another one coming, just don’t know when. Can’t let fear of that next one get into my thinking.
I am definitely a work in progress.

3 Responses to I am a work in progress

  1. hilarymb says:

    Hi Bill – it’s good to see you back and adjusting to life as it is now – good for you and a learning post for the rest of us. A positive WIP is a good thing … may you have not too many of the 20 minute episodes and may they ease up …

    Can quite understand the frustration of the ipad freeze up – but am glad it’s sorted … techie irritations are here to remind us that they’re around even when frozen! Hope it stays fixed for you …

    All the best and have a peaceful Memorial Day – Hilary

    Thank you Hilary. Computers are wonderful when they work. Leaving the computer so long sort of illustrates the fatigue. It takes away even the desire to do anything but rest.

  2. M T McGuire says:

    Sorry to hear about the fatigue Bill but very glad to hear that you are finding ways to work through it and the episodes and delighted they fixed the iPad that quickly. 🙂 Thinking of you and sending prayers for extra strength you might need.

    Lots of love


  3. rangewriter says:

    You are an amazing work in progress, Bill!

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