Just an update to let my blogging friends know how I am doing.
Is this a life lesson, avoid Thursday’s. Lol. The past 3 Thursday’s in a row, including yesterday, I have ended up in the ER. OK, I admit it. Yesterday was more of an I got dragged there. Vi firmly gripping and pulling an ear lobe.
Having episodes. Never know when it will start or how long it will last. Heart rate goes way up, blood pressure goes way down. Don’t feel very sparky.
Heart Failure Clinic monitoring me closely. Apparently they have a big meeting weekly. All the doctors of all specialties meet and review cases, mine being one of those cases for today. It was pointed out anything they may do is for quality of life and will not affect quantity. Waiting to see what their decision is. At the point I may decline.
Feeling really good today.

9 Responses to Update

  1. Scott Reese says:

    Hello, I’ve been a bit of rogue reader of yours (via email updates). I’ve been reading of your precarious situation — or I should say what represents what we will all go through one day. How are you handling the prospect of realizing your mortality? I do not ask morbidly or heartlessly. Although I may be young, in my Buddhist practice I regularly contemplate my mortality. It isn’t without further contemplation in almost every aspect of how I engage and live life…

    With metta,


    Hello Scott and welcome. Although my beliefs are Christian, it is not my intent that this be a solely Christian site, all are welcome to comment on their thoughts and beliefs. The fact that we are all going to die is the one thing every single person on this planet has in common. Could this one thing we have in common at least be a starting point in bringing us all together.
    I invite you to share your thoughts this topic many find so difficult to even think of.
    I am actually working on a post about my own mortality.
    I do hope to hear more from you and others of other faiths.

    • Scott Reese says:


      Thanks for taking the time to reply!

      Depending on how one approaches the various chants they prove quite useful for spiritual contemplation (rather than just being traditional) and of those within Buddhism are the five recollections. I don’t chant, I listen when they are chanted.

      1. ‘I am subject to aging, have not gone beyond aging. ‘
      2. ‘I am subject to illness, have not gone beyond illness.’
      3. ‘I am subject to death, have not gone beyond death.’
      4. ‘I will grow different, separate from all that is dear and appealing to me.’
      5. ‘I am the owner of my actions, heir to my actions, born of my actions, related through my actions, and have my actions as my arbitrator. Whatever I do, for good or for evil, to that will I fall heir.’

      It isn’t without a depth of conversation, but 4 and 5 have the most impact on my experience. Within Theravada there isn’t the assumption (belief) that we will be reunited with past loved ones (although its possible to encounter them in another life). Rather, it’s assumed that after departing the body that memories as we know them perish as well. This pains me the most as my wife is very dear to me. All that is left is the khammic energy of the mind (not retributive karma mind you) and, craving for existence, moves onto another form of some kind.

      Hence number 5 is about action, or khamma. The question in Buddhism is not “who am I’, rather it is “what am I becoming?” Naturally using that and other inquiries is khamma, or action and habits, utilized towards liberation. All of these contemplations for me help “balance” out what’s important in the mind and (re)focus on what is important given our short human existence.

      I could go on, but I feel that I shared plenty. Thanks for asking!

  2. M T McGuire says:

    Sorry to hear your Thusdays have been a bit dicey but delighted that today was a good one. Thinking of you. Take care Bill.

    Lots of love


    Thank you my dear friend.

  3. hilarymb says:

    Hi Bill – all I can say is I’m thinking of you .. but it’s good to know you’ve the energy to come here and mention that you’re feeling easier. With many thoughts and let’s hope the specialists can come up with something to give you better quality .. all the very best – from a lovely sunny Spring day here in the UK – still chilly, but just ready for us to enjoy. Take care of you both – Hilary

    Thank you Hilary

  4. lypenner says:

    Praying for a sense of discernment regarding what the docs say Bill. And in the meantime… avoid Thursdays 🙂 No but seriously, I’ll pray for you this coming Thursday. Hope the heart of yours that is deeper than blood pressure and heart rates knows that you are loved beyond measure by God.

    Thank you Lydia, prayers are always appreciated

  5. Betty says:

    Hi Bill….Those darn Thursdays. Hoping today will not be the same as the past three. Take care good man.

    Thank you Betty. This past Thursday I broke the streak with no trip to the ER. Was back at the hospital but for a scheduled appointment.
    Thank you for being a friend.

  6. Mel says:

    I come to you on the eve of my Thursday, feeling blessed to have been given opportunities to be of service to G-d and others. But I’m all about YOU having a different experience on your Thursdays….starting last week. :-/
    And I’m listening with great interest to the sharing of the Buddist beliefs which, go figure, sorta lean into what I’ve come to know.

    I truly hope today was a different Thursday for you, one that was filled with more joy and less physical hardships.
    *huge hugs*

    Mel, my dear friend, I thank you so much for this and all your ongoing support. I made it through this past Thursday without the panic trip to the ER.
    Mel, I did read your last comment about the more frequent updates. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am feeling somewhat better and hope to post more often.
    Mel, you have been with me here on the blog since virtually the beginning. I am sure your memory is better than mine but I do know I have in the past have asked people of other faiths to comment on their beliefs about this whole dying business. I am not looking to convert nor am I looking to have anyone else to convert. That is not my intent at all but I do find it very interesting learning about the beliefs, cultures….. Of others.
    I found it very interesting and thank John for taking the time to leave his comment.

  7. kim says:

    Hello, I just randomly found your blog when I googled, “accepting your lot in life”. So, here we are. I have heard that a far infrared sauna is helpful for those with tachychardia and congestive heart failure. Perhaps you could purchase a portable unit or a tent.

    In any case, I wish you the very best, and I have a feeling I will gain some much needed wisdom from your personal story.

    Hello Kim and welcome to my little spot on the Internet. By sharing my story, I hope it is a benefit to others. I invite you to keep reading my often long winded rambles and hope to hear more from you.

  8. Dave says:

    Bill , don’t give up on quality , we can’t control quantity as you well know. Fortunately for me I am no longer an active patient of the Heart Failure Clinic but I know it well.

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