The question, who’s funeral is it, or who is it for? Obviously a ridiculous question, right. It is the funeral of and for the person that has passed over, right. But, think about it.
Now I can only speak for myself here. But, I am just an average guy my thoughts may be shared by others.
This body of mine is merely what has housed/contained the essence of me call it my soul or spirit which is the real me. When I pass that essence of me will have moved on. I will no longer be contained within that body. I won’t be there so I honestly for myself don’t care that much, how things are finalized.
Now let’s be clear. I don’t know how all the after life works but while I will not be there physically I do believe I will be there in some sort of spirit for or I will be watching from above. I’ll know that when I get there.
As I am not even going to be there the funeral really isn’t for me. A funeral is for the survivors, those left behind. A place a time hopefully for at least a degree of closure. A time for family and loved ones to gather providing loving mutual support. As I look down from above that is what I will be looking for.
Who is the funeral for, the survivors.
You hear so often as a funeral is being planned one of the biggest worries/stresses of the moment being what would he/she have wanted. Well by making my own arrangements I a taking that stress away. Venue is set, final resting place is set. Music is even picked out for before and after the service. As you are doing this you start wondering/worrying about what would Vi and my daughters want? What could I add that may help them, through that day and to begin the healing with the grieving process.
This is a day for them. At this point the actual service has been left pretty much open.
You may wonder what brought on this endless ramble. Blame blogging friend Mel. Her comment, which I have copied and posted below. Countless times I have encouraged all to not just read my posts but also the comments. If you don’t you are missing out on so much.
Submitted on 2014/07/30 at 10:17 am
I love ya Bill, so I gotta tell ya how tough it was hearing about what “my dad wanted” after G-d took him homw. Undoubtedly different circumstances, different family dynamics, different relationships–people I didn’t particularly respect were telling me “what my dad would want”. And in my head it was just another dose of ‘suck it up and don’t feel what you feel’ at a really, really emotional time in my life.
I know that’s my own ‘stuff’ coming into play, but I felt a need to caution people. As much as I agree with the preplanning I really, really encourage people to have conversations (as in multiples) about this, especially when there are children/young adults who will need guidance and just as much support, preplanned or not–adults too. It’s a physical responsibility that’s taken care of. The emotional bit, you don’t get to preplan–we all need to grieve. There’s no skipping that process. Even if the funeral is celebratory, even if we KNOW it’s coming, even if it was one heck of a send off–people will grieve.
I didn’t want people to get a false sence of what preplanning actually does. It relieves the family of pressured decision making at a horribly, emotionally difficult time. And that’s an excellent thing.
*kicking away the soapbox!!!*
I’m gonna bawl my freaking eyes out when that final post gets put by your wife or daughter.
I just am.
Because you matter to me.
Because I’ll miss here, this, you.
If none of it mattered…..it wouldn’t matter…..but it does cuz you do.
Mel, thank you for raising these excellent points about the pre-planning. As I was doing it, A question formed in my mind. Who’s funeral is this or a better way of putting it may be who is this funeral for? Mel, I am switching my response to a post. I am going to start to ramble here.