Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Pre-planning your own funeral

To be clear I think it is an excellent idea to plan and make arrangements for your own funeral.
I want to make things as easy as possible for my family when the time comes. Come the time there will be one less thing for them to worry and stress about. A primary concern so often seems to be what would he/she have wanted. Well if you have actually made the arrangements it is pretty clear what it is you want.
The decision making has been done, one less worry or pressure to deal with and isn’t that what we want? Make it as easy as possible.
Pre-arranging your funeral is not a morbid thing to do. By doing so doesn’t mean you expect to die tomorrow. Rather it is a loving practical gesture, a loving gesture to and for your family.
I do suggest everyone should do it. Even if you have left verbal or written instructions, so much of that can be left to interpretation. Disputes, arguments can ensue, often leaving bitter feelings that can destroy relationships/families. I know many will say that wouldn’t happen in our family. Over the years as a banker I helped many people deal with estate issues. While doing this often someone poured out their heart about family issues that had arise having nothing to do with finances. I have seen it all to often to want to even take that chance.
OK, now planning an excellent idea but I would suggest it be done prior to being in your final days. Do it while the though of dying is still but an abstract thought of something far in the future. When you are in that chapel and you are fully aware you may well be returning but in a matter of days. Much more difficult

3 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Pre-planning your own funeral

  1. M T McGuire says:

    Yeh, I can believe it’s harder if you feel you’re nearer to the event. Good on you Bill. It’s a kind and considerate thing to do.



  2. Jackie says:

    Bill, I completely agree. I think it is a wonderful loving gift to make your wishes known in any way possible. One of those ways certainly is to plan your funeral yourself. Too many people are left wondering….”did I do the right thing” and “is this what my loved one wanted.” I would suggest the same gift should be given in terms of final moments. What do you want at the moments of your death? What better gift can you leave your loved ones in a moment that will be so hard for them.

    hi Jackie, thank you so much for your comment. I discovered making these funeral arrangements are more difficult than I had imagined. I quickly realized the funeral is not for me but rather for my family. It is I hope the time they to begin the healing process. To be very blunt, for myself, I really don’t care. By that time I will be in a much better place. I hope to be able to be there in some spirit form or looking down from above.
    I can only hope it will be a celebration of my life. Remembering and celebrating the time we shared as opposed to mourning the loss of time to come. That is the forum I would like to set up.

  3. Mel says:

    I love ya Bill, so I gotta tell ya how tough it was hearing about what “my dad wanted” after G-d took him homw. Undoubtedly different circumstances, different family dynamics, different relationships–people I didn’t particularly respect were telling me “what my dad would want”. And in my head it was just another dose of ‘suck it up and don’t feel what you feel’ at a really, really emotional time in my life.
    I know that’s my own ‘stuff’ coming into play, but I felt a need to caution people. As much as I agree with the preplanning I really, really encourage people to have conversations (as in multiples) about this, especially when there are children/young adults who will need guidance and just as much support, preplanned or not–adults too. It’s a physical responsibility that’s taken care of. The emotional bit, you don’t get to preplan–we all need to grieve. There’s no skipping that process. Even if the funeral is celebratory, even if we KNOW it’s coming, even if it was one heck of a send off–people will grieve.
    I didn’t want people to get a false sence of what preplanning actually does. It relieves the family of pressured decision making at a horribly, emotionally difficult time. And that’s an excellent thing.

    *kicking away the soapbox!!!*

    I’m gonna bawl my freaking eyes out when that final post gets put by your wife or daughter.
    I just am.
    Because you matter to me.
    Because I’ll miss here, this, you.
    If none of it mattered…..it wouldn’t matter…..but it does cuz you do.

    Mel, thank you for raising these excellent points about the pre-planning. As I was doing it, A question formed in my mind. Who’s funeral is this or a better way of putting it may be who is this funeral for? Mel, I am switching my response to a post. I am going to start to ramble here.

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