I had not realized how much the trip to Dauphin had really tired me out. I remember reading somewhere that 1 hour of stress is as exhausting as 8 hours of physical work. I have been just whipped. Thankfully I have the option of napping through the day and have been taking advantage of that big time.
Once I got to the hospital in Dauphin, the stress was gone. They had me drugged up totally relaxed. As I went to the Memorial Service straight from the hospital even there wasn’t nearly as stressful/emotional as it otherwise would have been without the drugs I obviously still had in my system.
Obviously, it was the stress I put myself through the preceding week that literally almost did me in. The shock of his passing, the anger/frustration knowing a medical fix had been scheduled and was less than 2 months away. OK, that last part of the drive into Dauphin, having the chest pain while knowing so far from help was stressful. I really did myself in with what I imagine would be called survivor guilt. It should have been me. I think everyone, myself included, expected it would be me. Yet here I am and only the Good Lord knows why.
i realize for that period of time I allow my view of my life and of the whole world to turn dark.
I have managed to get a lot of rest, multiple naps and I am feeling better, getting back to myself.
I have a good life and I know that. I am a lucky man in so very many different ways. I have so much to be appreciative of and I am. I am going to show that appreciation by really living life, every moment of it