I am feeling, I suppose more settled, maybe I have reached a level of acceptance. My brothers passing came as such a shock. Bad or damaged hearts were something we had in common. Supposedly, I was in the more serious condition as there is just nothing more they van do. For Robin there was something they could do. A surgical procedure that when completed would totally have him back on his feet, feeling better than he had in years. We all knew his heart was in bad shape but it could be fixed so we were just not all that concerned. July 17th was the day. Turns out to be a day just a little to far in the future.
It has been a few days and I suppose my mind has had the time it needed to recover from that shock. While I am certainly not OK with this whole thing. I have reached a level of acceptance. With that life has become to some degree easier, have been able to let go of some one the stress. That was hitting me hard, bringing on a lot more chest pain. Have used the nitro spray more this past few days than likely the entire previous month.
memorial service is tomorrow. It will be a hard day.
If anyone has time to say an extra prayer it will be appreciated