This is a difficult post for me to write. Emotionally, I am really struggling.
There are things I need to get off my chest. Past experience has taught me right here is the best place to do it. This past few days has really shown how you life can change in but a blink of the eye.
we left town for but a day. I was a grandpa going to get snuggles from a 2 year old little princess. For a grandpa there is nothing more wonderful than laying on a couch with a little princess laying on your chest all snuggled in. I was in grandpa Heaven. We drove back to the city and I am still floating up on cloud 9, life is so good.
We had been home but minutes and the hammer fell. I got a call telling me my younger brother had passed. This was so unexpected, a total shock. Now it was well known he had a very serious heart condition, needing a valve replacement. This was complicated in that his existing valve had crystallized making regular open heart surgery just to risky. Doctors explained there were 2 other much less risky ways in which this could be done. It was just a matter of deciding which was the preferred way. Countless tests were done to help them decide on the best route. All was finally decided and a surgery date was even set, July 17th.. The surgeon was confident after the surgery, he would feel like he did 15 years ago.
I am really struggling right now. Is it survivor guilt or something I don’t know. Struggling that I lost a brother. But also struggling in that this was supposed to be me that dies.
For years now it has been made clear there is nothing more that can be done for me. I was told I am down to days, maybe weeks but not months, that was about 1 1/2 years ago. Yet some how here I am.
For Robin, there was something that could be done. Yet, here I sit working on his obituary.