From Sept. 25/06.
Rereading this one just warmed my heart. These were life changing moments for me. I am a truly blessed man. I have the two most wonderful daughters a man could ever ask for. Both of whom are married to wonderful men that I am proud to have as son-inLaws. Three granddaughters, well don’t even get me started there. My little princesses, each a heart melter in her own way. My post from way back.
Did a little meditation and more reflecting back on my life. there have been some definite highs and lows. Why is it the lows, seem more clear in my memory? That is with the exception of the birth of my two daughters. I saw them both come into this world, words can not describe my emotions and feelings at those wonderous moments. Wonderful life changing moments. My oldest daughter was born when I was 26. Up to that point I thought I was really enjoying life. I partied (got drunk) every weekend, occationally got into fights lived the high life, I thought. Some thing change inside me the first moment I held my daughter. Suddenly, I didn’t want to party anymore, I just wanted to be with her, to hold her, change diapers, it didn’t matter, just she did and being with her. My heart was just so full of love for her that when my wife became pregnant the second time, I was worried. How could I possibly love a second child as much. But my second daughter proved me wrong. Again, from that very first moment, my heart was filled to the bursting point with love. I have the two most wonderful daughters, I really am a lucky man. Both are now grown, married starting their own families. Though, we are now separated by many miles, my heart is still just as full of love and pride. they are two of the main reasons I am reluctant to leave this world, I will miss them.
I have come to realize, I am not afraid to die. Maybe reluctant is a better word. I know God will take care of me in the after life, it is the people I will leave behind. My physical life in this world is good, we are comfortably set financially, not rich but comfortable. Does it sound strange to say, it is the people in my life I will miss more even than my life. I know I (my soul) will continue, physical death is not the end just a new beginning. Death is just like ending one chapter in a book and beginning a new chapter. I am just not sure I am ready to turn that final page to begin the new chapter, I am enjoying being with the people in this chapter.
I am finding this typing and the telling of my story almost therapeutic or something. It is like it gives me a purpose for being, something to do besides sitting around thinking. Not that that is always bad, doing all this reflecting and meditation I have come to know and understand myself a little better. So, I guess I will continue as long as I can. Look out world here I come.