My Brain Tumour – meningioma

I realize there is something I really haven’t written much about, my brain tumour. The medical name for it is a meningioma. It is not actually attached to the brain but to the inside lining of the skull. There is only so much room inside your skull. Within the confines of that limited space in the skull everything is fitted to function properly. Now within that limited space if you introduce a foreign mass into that space, almost the size of a golf ball, it compresses a part of the brain. Affecting the function of that part.
I am not a doctor, this is all as I understand it to be.
My tumour is located about an inch above the Centre of my right eye brow. It is believed to be non cancerous because of the slow rate of growth.
It was accidentally discovered 12 or 13 years ago. I was hospitalized with all of my traditional heart attack symptoms. But with one big extra thrown in. While going through the usual chest pain business, I was suddenly hit out of no where with a wicked head ache. It didn’t slowly come on, it was just bang and it was there in full force. Hit me so hard and so suddenly it put me to my knees with projectile vomiting. Really no fun at all. The worst head ache I have ever had.
This brought up thoughts of a stroke. Spinal tap, MRI and I don’t remember what all followed.
I have memory issues for sure but there are something’s that just stick out in my mind. The doctor coming in saying: “I have some good news and some not so good news. You did not have a stroke. BUT, in doing the tests we did discover you have a brain tumour.”
For a while it was monitored closely looking for growth. It is growing but at a very slow speed that leads them to believe it is non cancerous. Now that is good. I was told with time it would have to be dealt with. That would be down the line in maybe 10-15 years.
Really I just at the time laughed it off. With my heart the thought of having to deal with something that far down the line wasn’t any sort of issue. Based on everything I “knew” I would no longer be here, so it was nothing to deal with.
What do I say. Here we are 12 or 13 years down the line and I am still here, for which I give thanks.
I am noticing things. I will get into that next time

Would you take a gift from God for granted

I put up a post yesterday. I had a bit of a message in mind but in my typical fashion found myself going on one of my big rambles. Maybe inside I have this thing, there is no point in saying something in 3 words if I can drag it out to 20.

i recognize I am not a writer but a rambler. I am not sure how accurate this is but my thought is if I just write the thoughts as they come, they come more from the heart, which is what I want. Way, way back I would put together these thoughts in this way and then go to it editing, proof reading…… I came to realize doing this it seemed I ended up with a post that was nothing like the original. Maybe being lazy had a part in it. This is my journal so I type what ever comes, up it goes for better or worse.

until recently I had not even heard the word impermanence. That is not to say I didn’t already have my own thoughts and feelings on what it means, those I am very familiar with. These thoughts have been evolving within me for these past years. Life is a journey and like all journeys there is an ultimate destination point an ultimate time when this journey will end. Here I am only referring to our physical life on this earth. I do not believe things end at that point but that is for another post.

The only thing each and every person has in common is we are at some point going to die. There is no getting away from it. It is a fact of life. The difference for each of us is we are on different time schedules. Deep down we all know this. We know it but don’t want to acknowledge or even really think about it. It is to scary or morbid or what ever. It is like the big elephant in the room, we know it is there but don’t want to talk about it.
It is something over which we have no control. All we do have control over is how we spend the time we do have, however long that may be.
A question, would you ever take a gift from God for granted? Every precious second we have on this earth is truly a gift from God. Are you taking that gift for granted?
Years back I first heard the you are dying words come out of my doctors mouth. Hearing that shook me up pretty good. I was not happy to be hearing that. It took me time to get my head wrapped around that idea. I struggled with it and have my times when I still do.
Over time I came to see his words as being a blessing, I am sure many find that hard to imagine, but it was.
It really opened my eyes to life. My own impermanence was laid out right in front of me. No way to deny it, it was there.
This was not like a light bulb suddenly came on and I saw the light. I am a slow learner when it comes to life lessons. It took time, praying, meditating, thinking, reading and yes blogging but that light did slowly start to come on.
Accepting my own impermanence in this world caused me to see things differently. I may not have control over when I leave this world but I do have control over what I do, how I spend the precious time that I do have. I began to prioritize things things. Simplify life even to the point of getting rid of unnecessary stresses.
If we could somehow come to accept our time is limited, we would value it much more. Appreciate every second as truly being a gift from God, while knowing that gift is for a limited time.
I believe it would be a life changing experience for all, if some how just for a day or so they could live with my reality. How would you spend your day if you statistically speaking knew you do not have a tomorrow. How inconsequential would those little daily aggravations become. Think about it. Please let me know