It must be hundreds of times I have said, when it comes to a terminal patient, it is so very much more difficult on the family. Forced to sit back helplessly as a loved one suffers. Yes, we can fuss and putter around trying to find even the smallest little thing.
Really there come a point where we realize it is of no avail, there is nothing we can do. The agony of the feelings of helplessness is devastating. We can watch daily as the life force slowly drains away.
I don’t think we can ever really be prepared for the end. We may have even to some extent be able to rationalize in our heads. “It will be for the best he/she is suffering so much.” None of that really prepares us for the jolt of emotion that will hit us when that final moment comes. In that moment our lives are changed forever.
I did a very quick post last evening requesting prayers for our dear blogging friend Dorothy. I wanted to get something up as quickly as possible even though I knew I wouldn’t have time for a proper post.
I looked back over the comments left here and came across this one posted by Dorothy in January. So full of love, hope and joy. A portion of her comment:
,,”it so happens that just this past month we past the six month mark,,thats how long they gave my Jim back on June 16th 2012,every day i wake up and can enjoy his face it’s a Marvel to me”.
Yesterday I received an email from Dorothy, which with her permission I am sharing:
Just wanted to let you know My Jim passed away on Sept 10,it was a long struggle as we sort of had the esophageal cancer wopped but cancer is a sneaky disease and it went into his brain and set up a lot of tumors there we did the whole brain radiation and just when you think you are one leg up it went back down to his paritineal lining and that was the last draw,,His body could no longer take the strain so we did the hospice thing. which was absolutly horrifying as he did not want to go to the hospital so i took care of him at home and again gastly is the word for it,,I watched him decay and the life leave his beautiful blue eyes,,and i am so lost right now.the house is so empty. I miss him
I responded to her email offering prayers and support. This is her reply:
Yes and thank you my friend,,albiet my prayers haven’t worked for me lately,,no prayers have,,my faith is shaken right down to the core as i struggle for a rope to grab on to,,anything to keep me from drowning i’ll take it at this point.i simply don’t know what to do with myself..i know to get up out of bed,,i know to go eat somethingmy sister came and stayed a week with me after his passing and at least got me focused on that,but,,it seems such a strugle to automically move around it’s almost like i’m animated,,i suppose it’s like some kind of shock i guess,but how can that be i knew this was coming,,
Dorothy my heart aches for you. My prayers are definitely include you and yours.
I ask for prayers and loving supportive comments
Dorothy, my prayers go to you. It is almost two years since I lost my dear wive of almost 50 years. I still wake up every morning expecting to see her beside me. It is as if I loose her again every morning.
It seemed I moved through each day like an unthinking robot doing what I had to do. It felt like I was detached from the world. It was going on around me but I wasn’t a part of it.
I have been following this blog for some time but have never commented before, until now reading your words.
I have gone through the misery you are now feeling. I hit the point where I wasn’t even sure if I could carry on and wasn’t sure I wanted to
Please hold to your faith and just get yourself through each day. With time the weight lifts, life becomes a little easier. It is almost 2 years and I still miss her every day. I am trying to live the life I think she would want for me. Is it easy? No. But bearable
I just got reading through a few of your posts and I had a quick question. I am involved in the cancer community and I was hoping you could email me back when you get the chance. Thanks!
Hi Jim – my thoughts and prayers for Dorothy and family and friends .. losing a loved life partner must be so so difficult – I cannot contemplate it .. may blessings come back into Dorothy’s life .. a few at a time … Hilary