Dying Man’s daily Journal – I am dying but I am still just me

Blogging friend Hilary brought up an excellent point, in the comment I just read.
People are afraid of death, or more likely the uncertainty of what lies beyond. Believe me I can understand that, I have been trying to come to terms with it for years now. I am sort of awed when I look back and realize it is almost 10 years since I first heard the “dying” word and the 2 years if you are lucky. I have found very few doctors willing to give any guesstimates. The last one back in I think it was January gave me days, maybe weeks but not months. Phooey is all I have to say to that, I am still here.
When I first heard those words, it did rock my world. I spent a lot of time reading about my particular heart issues and about death, after life all that sort of thing. I started the blog as I was nearing the end of that original 2 year time frame. Yes at one point I was even counting down the days. Thankfully I got over that silliness.
In all that reading I was doing it became very obvious death and dying are taboo subjects. I would guess possibly the most taboo of all subjects. We don’t want to talk about it or even think about it, until it jumps up and smacks us in the face and there is no avoiding it. It then puts us into almost something like shock and often at a lose as to what to do or even what to say.
What to say? Here I am thinking along the lines of what to say to the terminal patient.
Now yes we are dealing with our own pain and grief but I think that may even compounded or at least complicated when we become tongue tied or at a lose for words. I mean, to face a loved one that is dying. What can I possibly say?
Now I can only speak for myself here. I am still me, I have not changed as a person. OK, I have this medical issue going on, but that doesn’t change who I am. We can talk about the same things we would have before. I don’t need to hear any profound words of wisdom to “ease my burden”, I don’t think there are any such words. Make me feel special or that I am important enough to you that you are choosing to spend time with me

4 Responses to Dying Man’s daily Journal – I am dying but I am still just me

  1. Noel says:

    Bill, your words are powerful. Today is all we have. When my uncle, who died a year ago of lung cancer, asked me in his death bed if he was dying, I did not know what to say first, but then I decided to tell him, “I don’t know for sure, but all I know is that you are with us today, and we love you…”. I would say the same thing to you, Bill. I am glad you are with us today…. and we love you.
    Hi Noel, I thank you for this heart warming comment. Before I started this blog I would never have been able to understand that such a close bond could develop between strangers. Other than actual family members that drop by now and then. Really we are all strangers having only met on this little bit of cyber space. Many times I have referred to our little group here as family. I mean that, I have come to care very much for you and all. You are part of my family

  2. hilarymb says:

    Hi Bill .. thanks for mentioning me. I like Noel’s comment too.

    However it is getting (as a relative/visitor) into that state of mind readiness when we visit someone in their last days – however long those last days are .. and I think being able to laugh together over the silliness of things .. (silly as in funny) ..

    I guess the motto ‘be prepared’ is something we need to be ready to find … and when we visit have things that are interesting to those who are confined …

    … one of my last conversations I had with my uncle in the Hospice was about a Texel sheep being sold for £250,000 – the price of a house here …. immediately my uncle told me all about Texel sheep and the area of the Netherlands (Frisian Islands) where they came from … he was very well read.

    Thanks once again .. it’s good to read your posts .. cheers Hilary

    Hi Hilary, again I think you have it right on. Every situation, every person is different. Maybe we do need to prepare on an individual basis. So we can as you so well worded it when you said “talk to me not at me”. The story about your uncle is a wonderful example. You talked about the sheep a subject he obviously had great interest in. I am sure it delighted him to share his knowledge with you. You engaged in a conversation that both interested him and took his mind off of the situation.
    For myself I know at times when in an uncomfortable situation, my mind can almost go blank leaving me not knowing what to say. If prepared a little we could have different topics to bring up to ease the conversation along.
    I am still me, just as your uncle was still the same guy you had known over the years

  3. rangewriter says:

    Those 3 words, “I am dying” are a real attention grabber. Gut wrenching, frightening, and tender all at once.

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