I should know better by now. When I try to organize my thoughts, plan out and write a post it just doesn’t seem to work. I am not a writer, I am a rambler. I just type what ever comes to mind and there we are.
when we know we are approaching our physical expiry date (nearing the end of our time on this earth) for all involved things get scary, confusing and life becomes full of uncertainty.
Now in writing this obviously I can only speak for myself based on my own experiences That experience does include 5 heart attacks, open heart surgery, numerous angiograms, angioplasties with stents. Between my heart and the brain tumour I imagine I have likely had every type of test possible done. Now I also have unstable angina, with complicates things as the symptoms can mimic that of a heart attack, which has caused trips to the ER.
Most of my banking career say me in rural communities. Advantage is over time socially you get to know a lot of the doctors and nurses away from the hospital. It was by knowing the medical staff in this way, that I learned in 2 of the heart attacks they had all but given up on my survival. I sure fooled them because here I still am. I will try and describe one of those circumstances. I am in a small rural hospital excellent doctors and nurses. Good place to be except they do not have access to the treatment facilities and equipment a large hospital would have.
Now other than the trip to the hospital I really have no memory of that day. Socially we knew one of the doctors and several of the nurses. It was not until months or maybe even a year after the fact that I learned more of what happened that day. I walked into the hospital but then collapsed onto the hospital bed. I remember non of this but I was in and out of consciousness through out the day. I coded several times with the electric paddles being used on me. An air ambulance had been arranged to fly me to Winnipeg. They were struggling to stabilize me enough to make the trip. Apparently the thought was if I was left there I had no chance. Surviving the flight very small chance.
I am thinking it must have been at least a year, maybe longer after the fact, when I was well healed and the world was good. That I did hear this other side of the story, I am a miracle patient. They even sort of joked about something I said. Doctor told me I was having a very serious heart attack. Apparently my reply was: “that sucks, what are you doing about it and when can I get out of here?” Sounds like a lot of bravado there.
Now there is a big and very important point to remember here. I am going in and out of consciousness. I have no idea of what level my mind was functioning, I remember nothing. Plus, I am sure they had most likely given me who knows what for drugs to keep me calm or what ever. Apparently I was very calm and relaxed through out, those drugs I am sure may have played a large part in that, I don’t know.
Now lets look at the other side of the coin. Vi is out in the waiting room fretting, worrying often not really knowing what was going on. Each update seemed to get worse. She wasn’t allowed in while they were working on me which was pretty much constantly.
Now I ask you who do you think had is worse. I am in there in some partial conscious drugged up state oblivious to almost everything, or Vi sitting in the waiting room.