Again I do thank all for all the loving and supportive comments. I do read and appreciate all.
Some have expressed concern over my stress levels and how I am dealing with it. Now as hard as I try to reassure her Vi is worried sick. We work as a team, I take care of some things, she takes care of others. OK, she is taking care of the worrying, I know that part is being dealt with so I don’t have to bother with it. That actually, as silly as it sounds is sort of the way it is working.
i really am not concern with the up coming angiogram/angioplasty. I have been there and done that. It is what comes after, which will be base entirely on what they see when they have that camera in my heart. This time the day after tomorrow we will know.
I really don’t know how much time I do have. What I do know is I want to get as much living as I can out of it.
Reality is I can’t help but be apprehensive, I know that. I think you would maybe be in denial if you didn’t accept/realize the seriousness of all of this. What I have become pretty good at is giving myself 15 or 20 minutes in the morning to, yes, feel a little sorry for myself. I am not sure if feel sorry for myself is the correct wording. It is the time I allow myself to grieve. People grieve when they suffer a loss or are facing a loss. I see facing you own passing is a very good reason to grieve.
It is like I need to get those feelings out, acknowledge them but then try to put them away for the rest of the day. How can I truly live my precious life (it is precious to me) if my head is all clogged up worrying and fretting over something that I can not control.
Dying mans daily journal 
Bill you going to say there she goes again making everything’ sounding so darn easy.
I,m at the end stage of COPD which stands for Chronic Obstructive
Pulmonary diseases do NOT want to make this post about myself but rather try to set yours and Vi mind at ease.I have been on death doors many times since 2001 and like you the Docs say with my lungs of only 18 percent function they have written me of a long time ago,but yet as you are I,m still kicking and enjoying life as much as it will let me.In the earlier years of my disease
I used to worry and cry all the time until I decided to join a COPD group which made a positive effect on me.And yes we do feel sorry for our selfs at times but then one has to come back to reality and just except the hand we are dealt with. Now here comes the point once again what I tried to tell you before! If you are a true believer in Jesus Christ and have a good relation ship with him all you and Vi have to give all your worries about all upcoming events in the hospital into the Lords hands as well all other problems you have.Im telling you this because I have found total peace by becoming and getting closer to God that I ever been.Do yourself a favor and spend time with God and tell him all that is on your mind and please have
Faith for Faith is a must have in Jesus otherwise you will not succeed in getting rid of all that negativity that is in your mind.I would like for you to search on your iPad for Joyce Meyer and make it a daly routine to listen to her at least once a day.I hope this will help you and I wish you all the best.
Beatrice
Best wishes to you. I will hold your hand in my heart.
(((((( Bill and Vi ))))))))) Vi loves you–she’s your partner in this life. There’s fear and that’s understandable.
Best I can offer is the better angel that I’m sending your direction. And the continued prayers–G-d’s taken very good care of you. I’ve no doubt He’ll continue to do that.
Sometimes words escape me–but I trust that you know my heart.
Thinking of you….praying for you and yours and the good folks who’ll be doing the medical intervention. And sending my better angel. It’s just what I do. But you know that.
((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((( Vi )))))))))))))))
Hi Bill .. I think you express this so well – I know my mother put her trust out there … and that helped her through being stroked, bedridden without being able to eat or drink … but she so enjoyed when we were around and able to chat about interesting subjects … none of us have family – but history and interesting snippets kept us amused – more often than not being sent home to Google further information …
I’ve educated myself in the process – and much is in the blog ..
So pleased you’re getting through the needles!!! Cheers Hilary