Vi got home yesterday. Now I do have to say it is nice to have her home, just for the sake of having her here. I have to admit the feelings go a little more deeply than in the past. I suppose a bit of a sense of relief that some one is here with me.Now yes I do have that life alert pendant through with I can summon immediate help which is a comfort but still isn’t the same as physically having someone here.
Hearing those words from the doctor a couple of months back that he felt a heart attack if immantent, days maybe weeks away but not months. Now that is a little unsettling but I have been hearing that sort of thing from doctors for years now. Well in the past maybe not such a specific time frame other than the one time about 10 years ago. Yes, I listen, yes, it shakes me up a bit but I just can’t let it get to me to the point where I give up and stop live as normal a life as I can.
If you let it, it can really wear on you. I know I might not have a tomorrow but then really none of us do. I have thought, by this time next week I may be nothing but a memory. i can’t let myself dwell on that or I am going to rob myself of the chance to live today.
Now there is something I want to make clear. i have had 2 emails from friends questioning why if my health is in such a state, would Vi leave town for a week? Now I thought I had explained that but if friends are looking at it with shall we say raised eyebrows so may others. Now I do take exception to that.
To a large part it was my idea!!! Doctors and there predictions in my experience anyway have proven to be way off. I accept that OK it might be today but it could also be in a few weeks, or inspite of what he said months or I am hope for even years. This heart of mine seems to be continually fooling everyone it is a lot stronger than it seems to be given credit for.
For me to be able to live and enjoy life I need as large a degree of normalcy as possible. That does not include everyone sitting around watching me nap, just in case.
I should explain, yes, there is a surgery that could be done. That though is considered to be such high risk that it is questionable if I would survive. Medications are allowing me to live a good life as things are and that is what I am doing. My doctor has been pretty blunt about all of this and I appreciate that. I am blessed to have been so lucky to have made it a long as I have. Nothing lasts forever. Odds are when I hit the ground with that next heart attack I won’t be getting up irregardless of who may be around or where I am. If I do that is when that surgery will come into play