I am not sure if it is just me, maybe my current mind set or if this applies to many, I don’t know.
With a lot of deep thought and from helpful comments here, I have realized that by struggling with my physical limitations, I am really struggling with my life. As with all of life we need to find that balance between not doing enough and over doing it.
Accepting though certainly doesn’t mean giving up. I will be pushing every one of those boundaries until my final breath. I get frustrated when it takes me a week to get a job done that a few years ago would have maybe taken an hour or two. If I allow it feelings of being useless can dominate my thought process and that is not a good feeling to have. It makes you want to just give up on it all. Can anyone relate to this feeling? I do know that towards the end my mother-in-law Nellie expressed those very thoughts, so I do know I am not totally alone.
Now there have been a few comments of late about how quickly I seem to be able to bounce back from a low time. I have been thinking a lot about that as somehow within my own mind I don’t seem to feel I do bounce back as it must seem. Oh, I am much much better than I was way back when.
As i think about it, I realize what I am doing, I am refocusing my thinking on something else. Now that doesn’t mean I am necessarily “over” it or have bounced back entirely. Most of my issues come with ever decreasing physical limitation. It sucks when I realize I can’t do something that I could just a few months back. That bothers me, I become frustrated, impatient and somehow even disappointed in myself. Crazy I know but that is how I feel at that time. With time and practice I am better able to see and accept that what ever that particular issue is, it is actually but one small part of my life, the big picture. I can’t allow myself to wallow for to long. Firstly, if I allow myself to say there for to long I am afraid I may get stuck there. Most importantly, I realize, my time here is short and becoming shorter by the day My/our time is so precious I don’t want to waste any of it.
I know I need to refocus my thoughts. It is sort of like OK, I can;t do that any more and that does suck but let’s see, hey I can do this or that. I focus in on my new task/goal or what ever which is usually living a good life. Yes, those feelings of frustration or what ever do continue to haunt me in the days ahead even though I may appear to have bounced back. Daily it seems I have to give it at least some thought but then I make a very conscious effort to actually push those thoughts away with my refocused mind.
I have just sat here rambling, does any of this make sense at all?