Dying Man’s Daily Journal – highway of life -BUMPY


I often talk about the “highway of life”. Well I have been on quite a bumpy section of highway for this past while. The only thing we can be certain of in life is nothing is certain. Nothing lasts forever, not the good nor the rough times. One way or the other things will be better for me.

I can’s even remember right now, is it 4 times or 5 times when they had all but just written me off, yet here I am. I think maybe I must be something like a bad dream for them. I just won’t go away, i just keep coming back again and again. I still have a lot of living to do and by my plan I am going to live a lot more of it. I have prayed many times just asking for God’s will to be done in my life. Now as I am praying for that, it just makes sense that I just accept what comes. Now  that though doesn’t mean I am not going to do every thing in my power to hang around here for a while longer. I am a lot slower than I once was, I tire a lot faster than I once did, my breathing is not what it once was. However, none of that means stopped!!!!

Vi says I can be confusing. “you look like you are find, You act like you are fine and you say you are fine, how is anyone supposed to know what is going on?” Well Vi knows me well enough that she can pretty much tell when I am having on off day. My social life is mostly limited to me sitting on the front step chatting with neighbours as they walk by. With them I do try to be just a normal, cheerful guy. I imagine most of them just see me as a “normal” and healthy guy or at least that is the face I try to put on for them to see.

Now there are a gazillion exceptions to what I am about to say and I know that. Just because you are sick doesn’t necessarily mean you have to act like you are sick. Just because you are dying doesn’t mean you have to act like it. Do what ever it takes to take care of yourself but at least put you best effort in to trying to carry on. That is what I am doing. I am going to do my best to LIVE life right up until that last breath leaves my body

I often write about that which I am working on with in myself, there you have it.

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3 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – highway of life -BUMPY

  1. Jo Hart says:

    You Bill are an inspiration to so many, don’t ever forget that…. It ain’t over till the fat lady sings………….. and I ain’t sang yet!!! lol Truthfully, little slower, doesn’t matter, what matters is that you do everything to make every day a good day, you bless so many people.

    Hi Jo, thankyou for the ncie comment, it is always nice to hear from you
    Bill

  2. Mel says:

    There’s some lapse in posting a response to this one….cuz…frankly–Dunno, Bill. I’m not you. We all get to make the best decision for us.

    I’m one who’s had the assignment to ‘let it look like it is’ for a very long time. Mostly it’s because I’m good at making it look like it’s NOT. I’m a control freak. (there’s a surprise) I try to control people’s reactions. And in a broader sense, I’m quite good at ‘dealing’ without being inclusive of others. I’ve done that for a host of reasons–quite honestly, a lot of them self-serving reasons.

    As I recall more difficult times: I did it to not panic children. I did it to retain a sense of ‘normalcy’ in a very ‘abnormal’ time. I did it to manage other’s reactions. I did it to keep myself from panicking. I did it to exclude others from the chaotic emotional ‘stuff’ I was trying my darnedest to keep ‘manageable’.
    But the bottom line for me–I did it to just get through the moment the best I could.

    I hear Vi when she says to you ‘Gee…..it’s tough to really KNOW’. It was tough for the people around me to genuinely know, too. I heard that from the child who’s now a woman–she tells me it’s still tough to really ‘know’. And it scares her. Scared her then…..scares her now.
    I guess it’s a bit like when you first discover there’s something ‘not quite right’ and you want a name to it. You want to KNOW….even if you don’t wanna know, you WANNA know.
    Maybe it’s a case of 6 of one, half dozen of the other. Dunno……

    You and Vi will work through what works for you and Vi.
    My experience was just my experience.
    I don’t know the ‘right way’….and I wasn’t able to find an instruction booklet for difficult decisions……I just muddled through, best I could. I made the best choices I could at that moment in time, in the circumstances at that moment.
    I’m thinking that’s true for you, too.
    Probably true for all of us, eh?

    *laughing* Now you know why I paused and had to give some thought to this. I hear Vi–pretty sure you did, too.

    ((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))
    Don’t MAKE her grab you by the ear again……..

    Ah,Mel,you always have such wisdeom. All things I know inside but some times hard to apply in individual situations.

  3. I love your posts Bill. You’re an inspiration and a blessing. Keep on keeping on!

    Blessings,
    Dana

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