Dying Man’s Daily Journal – What it feels like to die (update)

Here from within the blog I can see the wording various people have typed into their search engines to find me here. I can also see which of my previous posts are being read. A post I did way back in Oct./09 is drawing a lot of attention. That post was done almost 3 years ago and maybe it is time to revisit the topic.


Here on the blog I can read the words that various people have typed into a search engine by which they have found me. So very often there are words searching for information on what it feels like to die. What the experience will be like, the passing from the physical to the Spiritual Worlds.

Now that is something none of us will ever know for sure until we actually do experience it. Obviously, I have never experienced it, but have come close several times. So close that well after the fact I learned later that the doctors had not thought I would make it.

My second heart attack was a big on that resulted in open heart surgery. It was a very cold evening in 11/94. Back in those days I was physically in good shape, was actually out power walking with my ex.. The heart attack put me down on the icy side walk, ironically right in front of a police station. Now it is not that you get to choose where you will have a heart attack. Now if you could, in front of a hospital would be first choice. Wouldn’ t you think though that being in front of a police station a pretty good spot in which you could get help. WRONG, I will get into that someday or maybe I already have, can’t remember.

Anyway, most of it I don’t remember as I suppose I was in and out of consciousness. I was on the ground for about 45 minutes. There is though an event that happen twice or maybe 3 times. I remember lying on the ground having chest pain, but my biggest issue was breathing, I couldn’t seem to get my breath. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye that all changed.

I was still lying on the sidewalk all the pain was gone, breathing wasn’t even a thought. A wonderfully peaceful, serene indescribable feeling came over me. Now I did not see any lights or tunnels or anything like that. Now my ex was kneeling over me. What I did see was her face seemingly start to float away into the distance. I remember hearing her screaming at me to breathe but her voice was sort of echoy of something. Almost like it was coming through a steel drum or something. When I heard her voice I focused more on her fading face and when I did that suddenly boom. Her face seemed to come flying back at me and with it back came the pain and difficulty breathing.

How do I explain that, well I really can’t. Was I teetering on the doorway that separates the physical and spiritual worlds? I don’t know this for sure, but I do believe I was. In discussing it with her later I learned that each time she had screamed at me to breathe it was because I had stopped breathing.

With my usual reminder that I am not a doctor, nor a man of the clergy, I am just a man sharing his personal thoughts and beliefs.

What the dying experience will be like “according to Bill”.

As we approach our final days, hours, minutes will there be pain? That will be determined by the illness, disease or condition that has taken us to that point. Our physical body feels the pain of what ever disease or injury that has brought us to that point. Our physical bodies are merely that which “houses” our souls, our spirit during our time on this earth. We are spiritual beings and the very second our spirit leaves the physical “housing” all pain and suffer immediately ends. At this point we begin to experience the ultimate beautiful experience.

I believe there is a short “transition” period. It is during this time that people that have experience near death experience talk of floating through tunnels etc..  This short time I believe will be one of awe and wonderment.

I need a physical reference to enable me to visualize it in my mind. I see it almost a stepping through a doorway. A door way from one world to the next. The stepping through the door way is what I refer to as the transition period. The physical disease has led me to the open doorway. In my case it is my heart. I see myself standing in front of this open door. As I step forward, my first step puts my foot on the edge. Possible even just my toes extending to the other side. This is the time at which all physical pain will be gone and the journey begins. In this it is like I see myself moving in super slow motion as I take that step totally through. It may take a couple of minutes to get completely through. But, at this point time is irrelevant to me as I feel no pain just a wonderful feeling of peace and love. It is during this time that back in the physical world the doctors may be zapping my chest to restart the heart. I see this interference from the physical world as possibly disrupting an other wise beautiful experience. This is why I have signed a DNR.

OK, that is what I said way back then, has my thinking changed in any way? NO!!! If anything that belief is stronger within me than ever. I watched a TV show last night huh can’t remember what it was called. On it though it was said that there are many faiths and cultures around the world that do not fear death instead accepting it as a part of the natural cycle of life. The fear is found most prevalently in the western cultures. Now I have to wonder about that, why? Can you help me understand why that is?

One Response to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – What it feels like to die (update)

  1. CP Locksley says:

    A very interesting subject, one I used to be fascinated with. And then the unthinkable happened.

    When I was 24, I had a terrible sore throat that would not go away. I went to the doctors for weeks, even ended up in the ER once, but they seemed perplexed. The throat swelled terribly, I won’t go into details, but after a month, I could not eat, could not even swallow saliva. Nothing made the swelling better. The pain was even worse. By the time I made the final trip to the ER I was fading in and out of consciousness, my throat having swelled shut.

    I remember the moment I left myself. I was sitting in one of those small, sterile ER rooms, still clutching the paper robe the nurse had given me. Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I panicked, but found I couldn’t move. I was staring at the closed door, willing it to open; my last thoughts of survival before it all started to fade.

    And suddenly there was no pain. No struggle. I was aware of everything happening, and yet I was no longer worried. I could see my body from across the room. The woman in the hospital bed looked so frail and gaunt. The pain was evident on my face. But there was no attachment to that body.

    I’ll leave out some “controversial” details of the event, but ultimately I did not want to return to that body or that pain. I was not given a choice. It felt like someone shoved me back into myself and the pain returned instantly.

    After a week in the hospital and an arsenal of medication my swelling started to abate. On day 8 I could finally eat. That strained cream of broccoli soup is one of the best memories of my life.

    It was a life changing event. I healed slowly after that, but the cause of the illness is still unknown. I have had recurrent bouts with my throat since and it is getting harder to treat because my body has built up a resistance to the drugs. I dread that initial dull ache in the back of my throat before the swelling.

    But in a strange way I am happier than I ever was. Before my illness, I used to work 70-80 hours a week in a high stress job. Now I spend as much time as I can with loved ones and out living life. Every day that I am alive, that I am here and aware, is a good day. Life is a blessing, a miracle and a joy.

    If I can leave the world one opinion let it be this:

    It’s not just about how long you live, but how much you live.

    Sorry for the novel. Thank you for documenting your experience.

    Hello and thank you for sharing your experience. I had a somewhat similiar experience with one of my heart attacks. i think I have alrady written about it but think it is time to do it again. i do hope you will share more.
    I really like your line: “It’s not just about how long you live, but how much you live.”

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