I do thank all for the good wishes both regarding Nellie and my head aches. I am happy to say that Nellie is at home and all in all is doing well. My head aces are much better. I still have them but the pain is only a fraction of what it was.
Something I have long known but am now being reminded of, Quality of life. What is quality of life. I suppose it is the extent to which we are able to live our lives in a manner acceptable to us, individually. There is no one acceptable norm here. What may be acceptable for me may not be for you or visa versa.
How do you rate the quality of your life? I hope many will respond please, I really would like to know as this is an issue I am struggling with.
Now I am guessing that many will reply: “It sucks because…..”, or I guess it is not bad but….”. This is were the “if only”s” can come to rule our worlds.
By what yard stick or measure do you determine the the quality of your life? I am guessing at this but I think many if they are honest will base the quality of life on their external surroundings. That being material possessions and people in our lives. Now let’s face it we all need money having or not having enough can affect the world around us. There are millions of examples I could use here. Let’s consider a house. Is your quality of life improved by living in a multi-million dollar mansion in a posh area of town as opposed to say living in a older much less expensive maybe even run down house in less poshy area. A house/mansion is nothing but a building, a home is where we settle our hearts irregardless of the material value of anything surrounding us in our worlds. Sure some material things are nice to have but that is as far as it goes. They do not affect our quality of life.. I got a little chuckle here thinking of material possessions, my music sound system is a clock radio and it suites me just fine. Our quality of life is determined by our own thoughts.
I ask all to think about this for a moment. For any that think “My life sucks because…….”. Think about this there are many that are dying and know it. Now that by itself sucks but imagine if the very best you can hope for is while being bed ridden you can be relatively pain free. Imagine being in their position. Does your life suddenly maybe sound not so bad after all? Would you want to exchange you sucky life for theirs? Let me know what you think
Dying mans daily journal 
First of all, I’m glad to hear that the headaches have diminished in pain level–and I’m happy to hear that Nellie is doing okay given her circumstances.
((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))
As for the ‘quality of life’ question–its perspective is attached to everyone individually, I’d wager. But in my experience, I’ve opted to stay out of that department and let someone else call it.
Had I decided to forego what was suggested to me based on what I ‘assigned’ as the yard stick on my own quality of life….I wouldn’t be here. And I wouldn’t have experienced some things–all gifts….the good, the bad, the ugly. I wouldn’t have known some things, had some opportunities, come to this place that I am today.
Having activities whittled down, dealing in grief and loss of what I *thought* constituted a purpose-filled life–all helped me to understand that I am not what I ‘do’, and that my worth and value on the planet isn’t governed by things, people, activities and stuff. It just IS. G-d’ll find usefulness for me as He deems and opens windows, doors and cracks in the wall. I have limited vision and I have to rely on Him to broaden it. Sometimes I just don’t ‘see’ the point/value.
Now, having said that–I have to confess that it’s easy to say on ‘this side’. It wasn’t necessarily easy to see it on the other side, in the midst of the storm. But G-d had it covered, He put people in my path to ask me “who do you think YOU are to decide it’s purpose-less — you decide that G-d’s done with you now?” (yes, in your face , seemingly void of compassion confrontations work with me, even if they do reduce me to angry tears–I seem to have to go there before I can humble myself to actually look at problem as being mine……)
Obviously G-d wasn’t done with me yet…..which I’m humbly grateful for. And walking where I walked, I get to carry messages–which is an awesome opportunity in and of itself.
No–it wasn’t fun getting to walk in the places I got to walk in. There are still limitations and there are ‘forever changed’ things in my life….and they’re still changing. Doors close–windows open. Sometimes it feels like it takes forEVER for that, but I’m pretty sure that’s my grief limiting my ability to see and be open to receive.
G-d still graces me opportunities.
LOL I ain’t been THAT good–so I fail to believe I’m His favoritest kiddo!
Grief is funny stuff–it’s a part of what we all get to do with life changes……and there’s purpose in it, I know. But I do wonder if we get stuck in the process so much that we fail to see what the purpose IS, kwim?
*laughing* And now I’ll end another dissertation!
I think I’ve missed you! 🙂
Glad things are maintaining in your neck of the woods.
I have awesome quality of life. I am so blessed, it scares me sometimes, because I know it can’t possibly last. As I knock on my 6th decade, I’m in good health, I have enough money to life…not richly, but comfortably, I have awesome friends, both near and far, and I’ve just embarked in a new business adventure that challenges me in a whole new set of ways.
I hope the luck I have now will tide me through what ever is to come in the future.
For me Im happy as long as im not alone. Even if there is no one physically with me as long as i have God i can make it thru. Although it would be difficult to do things without my son, family and friends. Ive been in a lot of pain before…and really scared…and having my parents there kept me calm. I dont have a lot of money or material things but i am blessed beyond measure. I hope you continue to do well my friend *hugs*
I tend to rate my quality of life by how much enjoyment I get out of it. Do I get to do things every day that I enjoy and look forward to doing? Yes, I do. I enjoy my job, my pets, my friends, my family, and my evenings spent watching my favorite t.v. shows or reading a good book. Are there things in my life that I do not enjoy? Sure; but the enjoyable outweighs the unenjoyable, so I’d say I have a very high quality of life.
With the basics in place, i.e. security and sustenance, my concept for quality of life is to be able to love and be loved. Within that greatly simplified statement, dwells life – ups, downs, joys and sorrows.
But as I walked to meet my Walk Buddy this morning, I thanked my God, my angels and all beings for helping me be a Lover. To me, hell would be a lack of faith – whatever that is for any given individual.
Fuel that helps me live with a sense of quality is the belief that everything has purpose. I watched a movie, The Living Matrix, in which doctors of every type and stripe, talk about their acceptance of body energy and self-healing. The examples of energy healings -which we can do ourselves and which I believe you have done…look at the time since your diagnosis.- are uplifting to heart, mind and soul! One Doctor finally accepted she’d have her 3 yr old brain tumor for the rest of her life. She thanked it for all the changes she’d made to her life because of its existence. The next time she went for tests, it had gone. It has not returned.
Having access to people who live in these higher realms of belief, brings me quality. To me they are bursting with love.
I have little negativity in my life, but oddly enough, today is a day when I am not having much fun. I think the antidote was finding your question and showing myself that, in spite of challenging days, love prevails. It may not feel like it’s coming in, but it’s in me to give!
Love to you, Bill, and all your beloveds.
My mother was diagnosed three weeks ago with a terminal brain tumor it sits deep in the brain. Between the two lobes. She has seen many doctors and has gotten many opinions. The last doctor to she her told her this is an aggressive tumor, that it has gotten bigger. Her just told her that she only has 1-3weeks to live. She has excepted this as well as the rest of our family. I am very religious a Mormon. And i do know she will be going to better place heaven. I have prayed and fasted for her.but i am the one not taking this well. I have two children who are 3&4 and love her very much. I hate that they are going to grow up without her. I cry all the time because of the memories we will not have. I can’t cope with this. She’s my first parent for me to lose. What can i do? I feel so depressed. My kids know something is wrong and that she’s going to die but are to little to fully understand. Sad and depressed.what can i do. I’m sad for the time we don’t have.
Hi Bill,
I hope this finds you well. I pray all the time and now will keep you in my prayers. I left a comment for the first time last night early this morning it was around 3:00 something in the mor ning. Let me back track a little my mom has all ways been healthy my dad has not he has had a triple bypass and heart valve replacement. So this came as a very big shock when we found out. I think this is why its hard for me to cope. She had been dizzy and had found out she hard an inner ear infection was on medication it didn’t help. Then she fell broke a rib from being dizzy. She had test done and found out she had a tumor. She just found out three weeks ago. Before she was just told this week that she has 1-3 weeks to live we weren’t prepared at all for this we thought it could be removed now we don’t have any time. I am having a hard time coping with this, she is taking it well. I just think of all the things she’s going to miss with my 3&4 year old. And what we are going to miss we didn’t even have a chance to fight this. I visit with her every other day and can see how fast she’s going. And knowing she’s going to be gone soon is killing me. I cry at the what its and the what we are going to misses. I just don’t know how to handle this. My sister is in denial and lives out of state she doesn’t have a clue what’s happening. We are in California she is in missouri. Everyone else is taking it in stride why can’t i. At a big loss with my emotions and what to do. I am worried about my dad’s health and heart they have been married 49 years 50 this December if she can hold on. And i am going to be left picking up the pieces caring for dad and 90 year old grandma I’m deeply saddened and overwhelmed from the thought of this and trying to move on with my and my children’s life and my family. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle all of this.
Hi Elizabeth, my deepest condolences to you and your entire family, my heart really goes out to you. I have said it so very many times, I do believe in a situation like this it is hardest on the families. I am glad you have your strong religious beliefs and know your mother is indeed going to a better place, once there here existance will be wonderful beyond anything we can imagine.
That leaves us the family behind to struggle with our loss. It is obvious your mother has played a huge role in your life.
When she is gone your life will be changed forever. It is like there will be a huge empty spot in your world and especally in your heart. As difficult as it is to imagine at this time, your life will still be good, just different. Recognize and accept that it takes time for wounds to heal.
Where you are now is a horrible place to be. I would encourage you to spend as much time as possible with your mother, if you can spend it remebering the good times, create even more good memories.
Grief is such a hard thing, it is very personal and we all deal with it in our own way. Lean on your beliefs, members of your Church. We all need to vent and you are welcome to do that here, where you will also find loving support.
As yourself what would your mother want you to be doing? Honor her by doing your very best to do that. I wish I had some magic words to make all this easier for you, but there are just none that I know of. Please keep in touch.
Bill
PS. Elizabeth, I tried sending you an email but it was returned, seems the email address you listed is incorrect???
Elizabeth, I can’t add anything to what Bill said, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through and I will keep you, your mother, and your family in my thoughts and prayers.