Dying Man’s Daily journal

I thank all for the loving support for Nellie, Vi and entire family.

I am happy to say Nellie has rallied to the point where the doctors have allowed her to go home, where she really wants to be. It is at the point where really nothing more can be done other than keep her comfortable.Doctors noted a mass on or in the lung and are quite sure it is cancer. The decision has been make not to even check it out as in her condition she could not tolerate any of the potential treatments. It is not causing her any pain or discomfort so just leave it alone.

Emotionally, Vi is really struggling with all of this, well as is the entire family. Vi is as always struggling to deal with my health issues, now compound that with the pending loss of her mother is a heavey burden. I ask for prayers please.

I am on a real learning curve here. How many times have I said I believe it is harder on the families. Everything I see going on around me just solidifies that idea more and more in my head. The frustration of seeing a loved one suffering and just standing helplessly by wanting to do something anything. Knowing there is nothing you can do or say that will make any difference. Frustration, even anger can mistakenly be directed at the hospital staff because of their inability to at least make things better.

Be clear none of my thoughts here or comments are to be seen as being directed at the family. i know that each individual grieves in their own way, irregardless of who they are.

In a situation like this it seems avoidance is a big issue. “I know what is going on but i just don’t want to even think about it, even the thought of this loss is just too painful”

I have a lot more to say but is seems just staring at the computer screen, with its bright light has brought on one of the head aches I am still fighting

12 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily journal

  1. BC says:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it must be grim and my thoughts are with you. I guess, all you can do is be strong for her and it sounds like you’re doing that.

    Take care and God Bless


  2. lypenner says:

    Hi Bill and Vi. Thoughts and love go out to you as you travel this difficult path with Vi’s mom. My own father-in-law just passed away one week ago and we just came home from the funeral in Medicine Hat, Alberta. It was a difficult and yet strangely a deep and meaningful time. I wrote about it in this week’s blogpost if you’d like to drop by. Love, Lydia

  3. Noel says:

    Bill, our thoughts and prayers with you , Vi, and Nellie. I cannot imagine what you are going through. This reminds me of the time that my uncle was facing a terminal illness. I just tried to embrace the moment, appreciate his presence, and let him know we all loved him. Your presence is the most important thing you can give to an ill person.

  4. Hilary says:

    Hi Bill – at least Nellie has rallied and you all have time to be together … with many thoughts – Hilary

  5. Irene says:

    Dear Bill,
    I’ve said this before: What will survive of us is love…That’s probably why death is so painful. If we didn’t love then it wouldn’t hurt so badly. Know that I think of you and yours often and pray for you always, Wiseman.

  6. Mel says:

    Hard times, Bill–but I agree with Irene–difficult because there IS love. No one wants to lose something or someone that they love…… I know Nellie knows how loved she is, and I know all of you are making sure that happens, cuz that’s what we DO when we can’t think of anything else TO do.
    I wish that we could find ourselves in this method of operation without having death attached to motivate us. But there’s that humanness attached to all of us.

    You’re doing the best you can–what you can live with. And Vi and the rest are doing the best they can……..they just don’t want to lose a huge piece of their lives. And denial is just a piece of the grief process.

    Love her while you have her–which I know you’re doing.

    And maybe it’s about turning DOWN the brightness of the monitor you’re gazing at.
    You do know how to do that, right? Buttons on the monitor–usually to the right.

  7. Jo Hart says:

    Hi Bill, much love to your family. It is such a hard one, especially when we talk about our parents, the thought of loosing them is such a painfull emotion. Trev’s dad has had a massive heart attack a week ago, and he today is in for triple bypass surgery. It’s especially hard as Trev is away working, and they were travelling, so they are stuck up the top of Australia. We seem to be disconnected at this most stressful time when we all need each other. However like Irene says, we all have love, and I wouldn’t swap that love for all the tea in china. We are all very blessed in so many ways… Do you know it was 5 years on Saturday since the passing of Terry my cousin. I look back and think, wow where did that 5 years go, what is beautiful is that I can look at it and have many happy memories of a beautiful person and a wonderful life shared, which is a blessing because we all were in denial at the time it was all happening. Life certainly is a journey with many highs and lows, what counts is how we manage them, we’re all allowed to hibernate at some stages, as long as we can poke our head out again and go “I;m ok”…

    • Jo Hart says:

      Hi Bill, my wonderful Father In Law lost his battle today. His surgery had so many complications. He was surrounded with his 4 children and his wife of 54 years up to his last breath. What a gift, to have the one’s you love hold your hand as you move into the next journey, what ever that may be. So hard, but we celebrate a wonderful life, cherish the beautiful memories and honour a beautiful soul. How blessed we were to be influenced by such a person. That is what we are to remember. xx

      Hi Jo. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is a time of great sadness. Please extend my condolences to all. I am proud of you, what a wonderful attitude: “but we celebrate a wonderful life, cherish the beautiful memories and honour a beautiful soul. How blessed we were to be influenced by such a person. That is what we are to remember. xx
      A peaceful passing surrounded by those we love is what I hope for. I am sure it meant a lot to him having all the family there.
      You are all in my heart, thoughts and prayers.

  8. Cat says:

    Sending love and prayers for Vi, Nellie, you, and all who need them.

  9. lwayswright says:

    Imhopemthings calm down for you! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

  10. rangewriter says:

    Tough stuff, Bill. I’m sure on some levels it feels like you’re staring into a mirror. I applaud your courage.

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