Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Abusers – Male and Female


This morning I read a very good question from John. His question is to my post back May 20/08. I read my post from back then (please check it out, I really express my feelings on abuse) and I still feel the same and stand by every thing I said.

One of the points I was trying to make was: “NO MAN EVER HIT A WOMAN”. In my eyes that is a simple statement of fact. Now I  can only imagine many reading this will be shaking their heads saying this guy is nuts. It happens all the time, men not only hit women they beat them. The difference here comes all in my definition of a man.
A real man would never abuse, hit or take advantage of a woman or anyone else for that matter. The problem is in this world there are a lot of males that because of mere age or size consider themselves to be men. I believe this is a popular misconception in society in general.

We have to realize it takes more than age or size to make a man. There are a lot of over aged juvenile delinquents out there posing as men that give the rest of us a bad name.

After my typical ramble I get to John’s question: “Why do you class abusers as only male?”

Straight answer is I don’t, although reading my post I can see how it may come off that way. At the time I was exchanging emails with a couple of female blogging friends that were suffering greatly at the hands of the “man” that loved them.

Reality is people are people. Now here I am speaking of the “western culture” of our society here in Canada and such. I might be able to google some statistics or something but I would think the number of abusive females in relationships is grossly under reported. I can only imagine it would be so very difficult for a man to report physical abuse from his female partner to the police. Our “macho” self image, feelings of embarrassment would prevent many from doing so. This is all so alien to my thinking I am having trouble coming up with an example. This is a ridiculous example as it just wouldn’t happen it isn’t in Vi’s nature any more than it is in mine. But if she chose to she could likely beat the heck out of me, simply because I could not hit a woman. I could push her away or try to grab onto her but I just couldn’t hit her. I have to wonder though how many males do have spouses that are violent. What is the guy to do. I have heard of the beaten wife syndrome could the opposite apply could there be a beaten husband syndrome? I can’t imagine the wouldn’t be.

Realistically, I KNOW female abusers more often use emotional abuse, which I have heard is more damaging than the physical. A bruise will heal more quickly than emotional scars.

Man. I have tired myself out here and need nap. I will try to write more later. For now I leave you with this question. Have you ever heard a wife go at her husband to the point you feel sorry for the guy. You know the bossing around, constant bitching, sarcastic remarks. Isn’t that abuse?

Thought just hit me. There are safe houses where women can go if abused. (I say wonderful to that, we need more). If in that same circumstance what is a male to do? Are there such options available to them? I don’t know.

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3 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Abusers – Male and Female

  1. Dean says:

    Sir, first off I agree with everything you say here.
    I came here while searching for information on erectile disfunction. What I have found makes my problems suddenly seem reall small. I can only hope that when my time comes I can face it with the courage you are showing us. You are dealing with so much
    I have read quite a few of your journal entries and I am left wishing I could do something to help you to make your life at least more pleasant.
    I just want to help you so please don’t take what I am saying as being rude. If you do I am sorry.
    I have E.D. and unless you have it you don’t know how hard it is on a man. It was like it took all my masculinity away. Is it like a woman having her breasts removed. I don’t know, it might be the same.
    I have seem a doctor that referred me to a sex surragate. Only two sessions with her and something seems to have come alive inside. Not always but I am able to function a little as it was. A freind said sometimes it just takes a quick change of venue to get things started. I don’t know but it did help me.
    If you have such a service it may be worth a try. I hope I didn’t offend you.
    Dean

    • Mel says:

      The business of having a disorder/disease leaves people feeling alienated, ‘less than’ and ‘alone’. It’s good you’re letting others help you, and I’ll hope you find the continued support that you need.

      And you’re right–dealing with circumstances that get doled out to us in life with courage, dignity and grace, Bill does quite well.

  2. Mel says:

    Gosh Bill–good question about the help for the male victims of abuse.
    And yes, I know several cases that it’s the man getting physically shoved around, stuck and abused. No ‘safe house’ for men in this area, but plenty of services for the abusing person and the victim of the abuse.
    The number of male victims in this state have increased–and I wonder if that’s just more ‘honest’ because the stigma to ‘my wife/girlfriend/etc hits me’ is getting ‘right sized’ and it’s ‘okay’ to say what’s true, the victim isn’t a ‘wuss’ for not simply knocking the gal on her rear-end. Dunno–maybe it’s a lot of factors that are contributing to the higher numbers. Things are tough all over right now, people are less connected to people right now, roles are not so easily defined for people right now… I’m not sure.

    But yes, men get physically abused–abuse knows no gender. It’s a manipulation and a power thing for the most part. And I wish there were ‘safe places’ for men in this area. Thankfully, there are still places to go–just not those homes devoted purely to the safety of the victim and services on the site.

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